hey.

"instead of becoming enemies, why don't we become friends?"

why do you think that i'm your enemy? even if it's meant for the future
i don't know where did i do wrong
i don't know why we keep walking on separate lines now..
i don't know when it all started
only when i wake up from a long sleep, i realize that we're doing a separate way
why should this happen after the cloud 9 moments?
we've already moved over this but now its all coming back to us.

i wish i can be the same again
i wish i can be there for you
i wish i can listen to your stories
i wish i can say words that motivates you

but i can't now.

with you isolating me from your world
with you thinking everything can be solved own your own
with you not sharing a bit with me
because you afraid that i may be an enemy.

i can't pretend that i'm okay and do my part.
i tell you i can't pretend even if i'm a good actress
because the way you trust me is a dishonor

passion.

i feel strangled.
i can't speak.
why does it happen now?
i will compete for the last time in the name of maahad hamidiah in 4 days yet i lost almost everything i used to have..
i lost my passion in talking.
everything went wrong when i talked in english.
but i can't use malay either cuz it's been so long i've been taught to think in english,
when i tried to search for malay words, i was lost.

imagine.
i have a tongue yet i can't speak.
i have a voice yet i can't use it.
i have a functional brain yet i still can't speak well in either of those languages.

i seem like a meaningless person

cuts me like a knife

every rose has its thorn - miley 


We both lie silently still
in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Yeah, I tried
But I guess that's why they say

[Chorus:]
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Yeah it does

I listen to our favorite song
playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here right now
If I could let you know somehow

[Chorus]

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but that scar, that scar remains

[Solo]

I know I could've saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways

and now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
And to hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife

[Chorus]

nothing personal, j

the world doesn't seem normal to me now wow

Growing up in islamic schools,
I mingle with friends, teachers and people who do care about how islam works as the way of life,
Putting Hadiths and the Holy Qur'an first before man-made-logics..
They search for the reasons behind why Islam says so..

But the thing is,
I'm so used to this situation, I've never expected that out there,
Many confusions and false thoughts linger in people's minds,
Since they don't know about hadith and Qur'an,
They don't even study.
So they use their so called logic
The logic which is under their paradigm,
Is the most common phrase,
'Islam is easy'
"If it is hard, then it is not Islam."
'Islam progresses through decades'
"Back then, people had Rasulullah, that's why they have to follow everything he said and do. Following what he did now is not realistic because he is no longer alive." 

Ahwell..
You should know that Islam teaches the basics of everything,
And basics can be applied in all circumstances and time..
Exhibit 1:
Back then they used Archimedes' to determine pure gold,
Now, we STILL use Archimedes' but to do other things such as hot air balloons and et cetera

Same goes to islam,
The basic : Cover your aurah.
Back then and even now, we still need to cover our aurah but we can actually be fashionable now (since being 'fashionable' is a recent term) as long as you don't expose your aurah..

So i just wanted to share about what happened yesterday,
My tuition teacher encouraged us to find a boyfriend/girlfriend and get to know them after school,
He encouraged us to couple, to put it in easy words
And i blurted out, eh couple haramlah!

And BAM!
I never expected the conversation to turn into a 30-minutes debate, it was during my physics class, mind you.
And, in front of people who claimed that their ustazah said, "you can couple", who said that "There are no Hadiths saying that Khalwat is haram,  Islam ada sekeras-keras hukum dan selembut-lembut hukum.."

It was too much, my head spun.
But i tried my best to answer every question although i know my answer may not satisfy everyone.

There were some hot issues that came out yesterday:
1) Kena couple sebab nak tahu pasangan kita tu macam mana

- Kalau couple pun, macamlah kita kenal dia.. bila couple of course dia akan tunjukkan dia perfect gila.. Siyes kalau perempuan yang malas, tetibe jadi rajin bila couple.. Yang suka marah-marah terus cair bila jumpa boyfriend.. Dah kenal ape macam tu? yYang kita kenal cuma luaran yang diorang pura-pura nak tunjuk kat kita.. And once you got married, 2 tahun, barulah nampak taringnya.. yelah duduk sebumbung, dah kawen, no more sugar-coated words 24/7.. Buatnya suami memang suka duduk depan tv, masa couple boleh la, eh dia memang suka macam tu.. Dah kawen, nak suruh beli barang, nak mintak tolong pun x boleh sebab 'habit' dia tu.. of course marah kan? I mean lepas kawen, they hope you will change because you have responsibilities and all, but you don't!

So seriously aku cakap, tak ada gunanya..
Lepas kawen gak kau tau perangai sebenar dia..

-Kalau cara islam, macam mana?
Dalam islam, memang kita kena jaga batas antara lelaki and perempuan.. Kalau nak kenal dia, Islam sarankan, bukannya pergi jumpa dia 24 jam.. Bukan hantar mesej cinta tanya awak makan apa, awak suka apa, TAK. Pergi risik dia melalui kawan-kawan dia, jiran-jiran and family dia.. Pendek kata orang yang dekat dengan dia.. Sebab, diorang yang membesar sebumbung dengan dia, diorang lagi tau perangai dia.. Itu kalau kes yang kau nak kahwin dengan orang yang tak berapa kenal..

Tapi kalau kes yang kau dari darjah satu sampai tingkatan 5 satu kelas, and kau memang dah berkenan, boleh je masuk meminang terus.. Yelah dah suka, mesti ada sebab kan? Mesti kau dah tau dia ni macam ni macam tu sebab dah arif sangat dengan perangai dia.. Jadi kalau dah suka, sila buktikan anda gentleman dengan pergi jumpa mak ayah minta restu, bawa rombongan pergi meminang.. Let's say if nak kenal lebih lagi sebelum buat keputusan nak kahwin ke tak, boleh taaruf(berkenalan) masa merisik.. Ha, nak tanya apa, tanyalah.. Kau qiam(bangun malam) setiap hari ke tak? Pandai masak ke tak? Suka tidur lepas subuh ke tak? Memang masa tu terbuka ruang penuh untuk soalan.. And kalau ada benda yang kita x berkenan, boleh terus cakap, kalau boleh saya nak kahwin dengan orang yang qiam, awak boleh cuba tak dari sekarang? Kalau awak boleh, saya setuju nak pinang awak. or, maaflah tapi saya rasa mungkin awak tak sesuai untuk saya sebab saya prefer orang macam ni macam ni... hah tak kesah..

Kan simple tu?
Tak payah susah-susah nak ambik masa bertahun-tahun dating, chat sebab nak kenal.. Yang kau kenal bukannya dia pun, cuma perangai dia tunjuk kat kau je..

Bila ikut islam, kau terus boleh risik perangai dia, tanya mak dia, dia ni manja ke tak, keras kepala ke tak, tanya kawan dia, cakap ni bukan isu remeh sebab kau akan sehidup semati dengan dia kalau jodoh panjang, jadi kau nak tahu betul-betul pasal dia..

Dah tau semua, kawen.. simple man..

2) Kalau tak couple, takut nanti tak kawen

- Tiga benda Allah dah tentukan untuk kita dekat luh mahfuz:

i) kelahiran - waktu,tempat,cara dan semua yang berkaitan
ii) jodoh - siapa, bila dan semua yang berkaitan
iii) kematian - waktu,tempat,cara dan semua yang berkaitan

Tiga benda ni memang kau x boleh tukar, sebab dia dah tetap..

Couple lah 99999999999 kali pun, kalau Allah tulis memang jodoh kau kat syurga, memang takkan jumpalah kat dunia.. sebab tu putus, cari lagi.. putus, cari lagi.. putus, cari lagi..

"Habis? nak tunggu melongo je ke? Kita nak kawen kenalah usaha!"
Memang betul sangat, kena usaha.. Macam mana nak usaha? Persiapkan diri.. Yang lelaki.. nak jadi imam kan? Imam, mestilah kena mendalami dan mengamalkan ilmu agama, so, practise dari sekarang.. and perempuan, nak jadi isteri, jaga kelengkapan suami kan? Belajar gosok baju, belajar cara nak didik anak dengan betul.. Ha.. sebelum kawen lah kena bersiap sedia.. takkan bila dapat anak baru nak kecoh cari buku psikologi..

Pastu pasangan nak jumpa macam mana?

Be observant. Kalau tengok-tenogk, rasa macam berkenan, hah ape lagi, plan dengan mak ayah, jumpa parents dia.. Tunjuk planning hidup, tunjuk bekalan yang dah dipersiapkan, contoh, ilmu agama, pekerjaan, status kewangan dan sebagainya.. rancang terus..

Atau, yang ragu-ragu.. dia ni dah berpunya ke belum? Guna pihak ketiga.. Jumpa orang yang dipercayai, ustaz atau ustazah tanya, minta tolong tanyakan dia ni dah ada orang ke belum? Kalau ada orang yang ada kemampuan macam ni macam tu, dia nak kahwin tak? Kalau dia kata tak bersedia then tak pelah.. Dah selamat maruah kat situ.. Dia tak tau siapa kita tapi kita dah tahu jawapan dia.. Kita tahu dia ni dah ada orang cop ke belum? Kan simple, takdelah bawak rombongan satu kampung sekali yang nak dipinang dah berpunya..

Kalau nak tanya ayah mak pun tak pe.. Anak pakcik dah ada orang ke belum.. Ha.. simple camtulah.. investigate dulu sebelum nak pinang.. Sebab haram pinang tunang orang.. or.. Manalah tahu dia memang tak bersedia lagi, at least kita dah tahu awal-awal..

3) Couple boleh kalau dah memang niat nak kawen

i- Boleh guarantee kau kawen ngan dia?
ii- Kalau nak kawen, kawen jelah terus.. tak payah nak couple, jumpa mak ayah, sampaikan hasrat.. kata nak kawen.. kalau tak mampu, tunang dulu
iii- Perlu ke couple kalau dah nak kawen? kata nak kawen ngan dia, maksudnya memang dah kenal dia,dah suka perangai dia, so nak buat apa couple lagi?

last but not least - soalan cepumas

my teacher: awak pernah kena risik tak?
me: saya baru 17 cikgu
my teacher: awak pernah suka orang tak?
me: pernahlah
my teacher: kenapa pernah?
me: sebab -------
my teacher: okay, sebab apa awak suka dia?
me: sebab2x tertentulah.. contoh cikgu suka orang yang suara sedap, macam tulah..
my teacher: tapi kenapa?
me: sebab ----------------------------------
my teacher: okay masa awak suka dia tu awak ada fikir tak nak jadikan dia imam awak ke?
me: takdelah cikgu, saya belum fikir pasal kawen lagi.. saya cuma mengagumi dia je

camtulah.. aku rasa memang terkadang kita tersuka orang tu.. normal.. remaja.. lek ah tak makna kita mesti nak kawen dengan dia kalau kita suka.. kan2x? plus, aku hanyalah meng-admire kelebihan2x dia.. aku belum sampai tahap aku rasa aku mampu terima kelemahan dia, sehidup semati ngan dia.. sebab. aku tahu aku masih remaja yang belum cukup matang untuk memilih calon suami.. hohoho

aku harap perkongsian ini bermanfaat untuk semua.. sekian ^_^

debate during class

just now i debated with my tuition tc whether couple is haram or not.. meh i feel bad when i answer the question abt why i like my crush.. supposedly it's not necessary though.. i also feel bad because i don't think i had explained everything well.. and i also lose point for not using logic which my sister brought up when i chatted with her.. i am a weak speaker.. i am afraid tht bcoz of me, ppl won't like islam.. i need to learn more.. n tht crush thing is really killing me.. i shouldn't say that.. i just.. when he asked questions, i only thought to answer all of them to make him understand.. well. not all questions need answers.. i need to learn more.. Allah guide me. guide the muslims n ppl who listened to my speech.. make us a better muslim ya Allah

a thing to ponder

walaupun sepatutnya masa terluang digunakan untuk menelaah buku yang setebal burger king,
namun ana masih x dpt mencari kekuatan untuk menyepit mata dan telinga untuk memfokus secara gila terhadap subjek biologi..

jadi pada malam kegilaan apabila form 5 bertungkus lumus menelaah sehingga terlukis peta asli di kulit buku,
ana memilih untuk menulis.
dan hari demi hari ana makin gila menulis..
semua adalah kerana usaha ana untuk menjauhi twitter yang merupakan freedom of expression ana suatu zaman dahulu..
eceh.

tapi not so bad tak bukak twitter.
ana rasa ana lebih terbuka untuk menerima hidup ini seadanya
or shall i say, the reality?

yelah twitter, conversation blh edit2x, letak smiley bagai padahal depan laptop muka siyes tahap dewa je..
yang depan laptop pulak tersenyum beruk sebab dapat smiley yang hanyalah titik dan kurungan..
:)

sewel kan?
heheh..

so dalam banyak post2x merepek dan meluahkan perasaan ana yang tak puas hati dengan hidup,
ana terfikir..
aku sorang je ke yang hidup kat dunia ni?
aku sorang je ke yang ada masalah?
orang lain nampak bahagia je...
macam takde masalah langsung..
dunia ni macam syurga untuk diorang..

pastu ana teringat satu ayat ni..
"everybody has their own problem, the difference is, they handle it way more better than you"

so sebenarnya ada je orang yang hidup dia berzillion kali lagi miserable dari hidup ana..
and in fact, hidup ana tak layak pun digelar miserable,
ana ada mak ayah yang sayang giler2x dengan ana sedari kecik sampai besar panjang,
ana ada adik2x yang pandai, baik, kreatif dan lawa2x semua..
ana ada famili yang bahagia yang tak semua orang ada..
ana ada famili yang mementingkan agama yang tak semua orang ada..

ana ada kawan2x,
ana ada sekolah,
dan paling penting sekali,

ana ada Allah..

banyak mana pun ujian yang menimpa,
ana seharusnya ingat,
Allah tidak akan menguji hambaNya melainkan sesuai dengan kemampuannya..

maksudnya lagi berat ujian tu,
lagi besar kemampuan ana untuk menghadapinya..

jadi kalau ada masalah,
ana patut berlapang dada dengan Allah dan letak tangan di dada,
kata kat hati, ana hebat, sebab tu Allah uji..

kalau ana lembik, tak perlu Allah uji semua ni..

betul tak?

lagipun.. Allah tak pernah timpakan hidup kita ni dengan kesusahan..
kalau kita pusing dan lihat 360 darjah,
MashaAllah..
banyak benda yang Allah kasi tapi kita tak sedar..
dan percayalah cakap ana,
benda baik yang Allah kurniakan tu jauh lebih banyak dari ujian yang Allah beri..
sebab Allah tu Maha Pemurah, Maha Pengasih dan Maha Penyayang..

so.
kalau ada masalah,
fikir.
Allah tahu antum boleh tempuhi ujian ni,
which means
you are a great person,
so, letak tangan kat dada n cakap kat hati,
i can do this
dan senyum :)

thing

there's a thing that he won't understand..
there's a thing that she may not understand..
there's a thing that the universe can't understand
there's a thing that only few would understand..

tide

i miss talking to mum..
i miss putting my head on mum's shoulder and said that i'm tired with life..
i miss sharing stories with mum every night..
i miss mum's words that always inspire me..
i miss mum who is always besides me..
i miss mum who loves me the way i am..
i miss mum saying that trying is good and failure is a key to success..
i miss mum saying that Allah has a better plan for me..
i miss mum who keeps motivates me every single time..
i miss everything about mum..
and she's not here for the moment..

dear mum...
i'm sorry
but i'm tired again with life..
can i quit now?
i want to have a rest..

remedy

i'll stop doing whatever you hate if that's what you want..
i'll stop being childish and stand on my own if that's what you want..

people are telling me to be myself..
people are telling me to turn a deaf ear to what people say..

but i tell you i can't..
i can't never turn a deaf ear..
i don't want to be cold-hearted..
i want to listen to what people say..
i want to do something about it..

and if that's the thing..
i will change..
they say they like me this way..
i am truly happy..

but,
the moment you kept complaining about my behaviour..
had changed me..
changed my thought that i should always be myself..

people say changing is hard.
but i can try..
if that's what you want.
if the version of myself all grown up is what you like to see..
then i'll show you how it looks like..

all to satisfy you.. so that your life won't be miserable the way it is. now.

let's stop

"if you think that your life is too miserable by serving people what they want, then don't do it, no one pay you to listen and act"

i'm tired too..
maybe i troubled people around me with my problems only for my own good..
and hey..
i feel tired too..
with this hustle and bustle that will never stop until it reaches one point..
and during those journey to reach that point..
i know and i am sure many will get hurt..
many will get involve..

and just to be frank,
i'm sorry if anybody got hurt because of me..
okay i'm selfish for dragging you or anybody else into this..
let's keep this settle..
let's stop this..
i just want to be a spectator and stay on the bench..
i don't want to go in front, attract attention and enemies..
i want to be ordinary..
so nobody will fear me..
nobody will think that i am threatening their position or so what not..
nobody will be jealous..
and nobody will make noise with my decision..
because i don't decide anything for their life..

let's settle this and stop everything..
cuz i'm a human and i know how it feels to be burdened..
and if i am the one who burdening you,
then i'm sorry i'll pull off
happy?

you should tell me in the first place if you cannot bear any of this. i'll be happy to exclude you although i thought you are my wings

the U and road run

oyeahhh finally i've made it!! finally finally and finally i finished my road run in my senior year!! well it had been 2 years (f4 & f3) i didn't join the event so i was quite nervous considering the fact that two years is a long period and also my weak stamina xD..at first, i was really enthusiastic running until..

until..

until..

my chest hurts..  wait. that should be put in a better phrase.. maybe weak.. umm wait. maybe fat.. heheh

altho i can constantly run(or jog.. i dunno it's speed 5 on treadmill) for 2 km.. but running up and down.. cutting the line was pfffttttttttttt...

i started quite well but that chest pain.. it made my right hand numb.. that moment.. i only think to walk coz chest pain might be the cause of insufficient of oxygen or the blood path is too hectic my cells were pushing each other and that's why it hurts.. so i walked and moved my hand up and down to allow better blood movement.. heheh

then at one turn.. i saw my teacher and she was cheering up for me and also challenged me to run.. so i ran.. then i saw madihah n syimae cheered so i kept running.. until one point it hurts and i was tired.. so i walked back.. then pap! i saw a boy ran cutting the girls line.. for god sake! they ran after the girls ran and they went to longer path and and i saw him and i was like asdfghjkllllll.. okay that's still okay.. then two guys cut the line.. one of them is our captain so i was like Hohoho!! that's our captain!! still i can't run.. then along the way i saw my classmates (boys) cutting my line and i was likeeee #%&@&#@*#@&%#*'##& !! heheh then i met fizah and i was relieved.. we only aimed to finish the run cuz it's too exhausting.. then we chatted and it was fun lohhll.. n suddenly, a boy from rumah biru cut my line and clapped his hands twice and showed hand gestures asking me to keep running.. fizah was like kenapa tu? and i said dia nak suruh lari la tu.. and yeah for the effort and support, i ran.. and i saw he kept doing the same thing when he passed by any girl from rumah biru.. so i gained the spirit back and start pulling the rumah biru girls to run with me.. then dah penat so i walked and i just thought of the drinks prepared at the school.. so mse turun jejantas i ran pstu x larat dh. but i still got a point for the run cuz i reached the finishing line before the time limit.. jyeah!!! i finished my road run in my senior year and nothing feels so good this moment than this.. yeahhhhh ooooooo aaaaaaa yaaaaaaaa maaaaa huuuuu hohohohoooo *muka bangga ibarat hero antarabangsa O:')

myth

it's the twist in a straight road..
you will found a dead end thanks to darkness..
whether to return blindly or to remain unconcious..
you picked.
both might not be in your favor but the journey still continues..
in a long highway with you, yourself alone. and maybe a dim street light

foot: a person who doesn't appreciate a pair of wings shall faced broken wings

Relationship.

I got involved in too many relationships lately. I don't know how.. i just did.

1) The LOVE-HATE relationship
2) The Confusing relationship :O
3) The-Not-SO-related-relationship
4) The-I-Dunno-WHAT-You-R-Thinking-relationship
5) The GOOD relationship :)

whatever

number.

issues:
1) i was hurt
2) i hate you
3) whether i shld disturb one's life for my own good
4) to be offensive or not
5) to stay or leave

good.

of all the wishes that i'm dreaming, i have one.. that i deadly want to achieve during my short life.. despite of my desire to become a good muslim and succeed in the afterlife, i also want to become an outstanding speaker.. i had said once in front of my whole classmates tht my ambition is to become an outstanding debater.. well now, maybe it's not just a debater but a good speaker.. i decided on that moment that my career in the future can vary.. for income, well. maybe a children psychologist or forensic scientist.. for passion, i want to become a cook.. not for people, but for my family cuz i love cooking and in the same time it is not my major profession so i can do both.. my passion n income.. i mean it's not that if i become an official cook i can't get good incomes.. it's just that i want to explore too many things so i decided to keep the basic chores basic, and discover the other side of the world.. and one more thing. specialty. i want to be special in giving speech. i want to attract people with my words. i want to explain things until a fool can understand. because the thing is, i love talking. the more i talk, the more annoy/boring ppl get.. *they never told me tht but my speech was never satisfying enough for me.. i think that is typical.. long speech makes ppl boring.. but i want some magic.. i want to be somebody who people would listen to even if i give a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG speech.. because when i speak, i have something to tell or share and it feels good when people can understand and learn from my speech.. or ponder at least or we call it muhasabah..

i don't know why but sharing feels good to me.. but not husband of course xD

so that's basically what i dream of.. i hope you will achieve your dream too :P

p/s: hey you, i saw an orion tonight.. thought you might be interested in this since you haven't seen many stars in your life ;) n btw.. finally i have moved on ^^ thx

tired.

just now,back from the camp, i was extremely exhausted so i fell asleep.. then my third sis came to my room.. she was going back to hostel and she said, oh dah tidur dah ke..as she was closing the door back i opened my eyes and look at her n she said, byee nak balik asrama dah.. it was not in a happy tone nor sad tone.. it's in between like she doesn't want to go.. but she had to.. i dunno but i felt so tired so i just waved her from my bed.. i wanted to talk to her, reach her, shake her hands and hug her before she goes but i can't.. i can't even wake up from my bed and i was barely opening my eyes because i was too exhausted and i needed a rest.. i felt sad because she had a one week holiday but we dont spent much time together other than watching drama, because me n syakirah needed to go to school.. and then both of us went to camp on saturday n sunday.. we didn't eat and laugh together a lot like we used to be on holiday last year.. she also needs to finish her work so the time we had together was very little for a CNY holiday, i supposed..even this parting felt terribly horrible to me, i wonder how my future is going to be like.. i don't want to part even only for some days with my family because the clock is ticking and i want every moment that i have was spent with my family.. i will miss them even for a second if i don't have them beside me

yang diberi, itulah yang diterima

dalam hidup, setiap perkara sentiasa berkait antara satu sama lain.
walaupun cuma dengan menarik nafas selama satu saat, sel2x kita dapat merasai nikmat oksigen..
walaupun cuma dengan tersenyum, kita dapat melegakan hati yang gundah gelisah.. :)

oleh itu,
untuk memastikan apa2x yang kita lakukan tu bermakna atau berjaya,
maka kita memerlukan sesuatu yang digelar 'usaha'
simple je cik usaha ni..
kalau kita nak, insyaAllah dia ada.. tapi kalau kita tak nak,
buatlah macam mana pun memang takkan dapat..

dia tak sombong cuma dia berharga :)

jadi bila kita inginkan sesuatu dan meletakkan target/aim yang tertentu,
maka perkara tersebut haruslah selari dengan usaha agar target/aim itu dapat dicapai..

ana ambil satu analogi,
antum nak masak nasi briyani..
tapi antum rasa macam leceh nak rendam nasi tu dengan perwarna dan sebagainya..
jadi antum tanak je nasi tu macam nasi putih,
asal ada ayam, papadom, acar, cukuplah...
jadi apa yang antum dapat?
nasi putih dan lauk nasi briyani kan? x perfect macam yang antum inginkan..
semuanya bukan salah nasi, bukan salah ibu mengandung tapi bergantung atas tekad antum untuk mendapatkan sesuatu hasil..

jadi sekiranya kita ingin mendapat yang terbaik dalam study,
kita kenalah usaha sehabis baik..
usaha kita pulak kenalah kreatif mengikut kemampuan dan kelebihan masing2x..
kalau yang pakar menghafal tu, maka mengahafallah dari sekarang..
kalau yang hafal x masuk, maka buatlah latihan dari sekarang..
kalau yang memang faham bulat2x apa yang cikgu ajar, bolehlah buat latihan tambahan kalau rajin atau beriadah untuk minda yang lebih cerdas..
tak semua orang mampu melakukan benda yang sama..
tak semua orang bakal mencapai output yang sama hanya dengan melalui 'jalan' yang sama..

sama jugak dengan ibadah..
andai kita ingin mencapai halwatul-iman..
andai kita ingin diredhai Allah..
kita kena usaha, usaha dan usaha..
lagi banyak kita usaha, lagi besarlah hasilnya..
seperti anak pokok yang ditanam, lagi banyak kita tanam, lagi banyak yang tumbuh, lagi banyak hasil dapat dituai..

ringkasnya apa yang antum beri, yang tu jugalah antum akan dapat..
buruk baik hasilnya terletak di tangan antum sendiri..
tinggal pilih je nak ke tak nak

wassalam :)

asif andai ada sebarang kekurangan, yang khilaf masih belajar.. teguran dialu-alukan ^^

it's a test

god i miss twitter like crazy!! but i know tht i need to be istiqamah n continue what i have proposed for myself this year.. i dont want my life to be only abt twitter.. it has to be more and im going to search for that (Y)

pretty people - i think everybody is pretty in a different way :)

so imagine this. if the world is black and white in colour, wht wld you feel? everything is black and white like a black and white movie.. there is no pink or purple or pretty blue sea.. the sea is black and the foam is white.. what would you feel? to me its boring.. living a life with only two choice is boring. imagine this if u are a girl,you need to be feminine and sensitive and if you are a boy, you need to be masculine and you cannot cry,plus, you need to have muscles.. isn't it boring? everybody looks the same and to me it's freaking spooky

the thing is, God had created us with beautiful personalities.. each and every person is different from each other and that makes everybody is unique! MashaAllah! and each of us,we have something to be proud of or let say to be used for good. each of us, boy or girl, adult or child, can be a part of a good thing. The nature of a person makes him/her beautiful in a different way. Let say if you think you are not good-looking (which i think is not true cuz i find everybody pretty/handsome) and you don't get much attention from people but you have the talent in singing.. you can sing better than Miss World or those hot guys.. You can hypnotize people with your unique voice.. Then use it.. because that is ur specialities... You are talented in singing. They don't! Y.O.U are special.. so be proud with it and cherish your talent.. i give you an example: PINK -omagosh i love her voice like crazy! it makes me want to cry even by listening to it.. eventho at first,ppl said tht pink is not pretty and she won't go further in entertainment business, she believe that she can do it and turn a deaf ear to what people said.. and now, she has proven to everybody that she can be more famous than pretty beyonce and her voice itself is a miracle that you can't find anybody to replace her. she has proven to everybody that what people said about her is wrong. they are false judges.. BUT you, you are the only person on the earth that knows yourself well.. you are the one who determined how your life is going to look like.. you are THE JUDGE! and remember this, your determination is the key to excellence.. not her pretty face, not his brilliant mind, not his cool jersey..  so in order to excel in life, you need to cherish what you have,what God gave you to live with and stop listening to what people say.. they are not that good to judge you.. just  be confident and trust yourself

oyeah btw i found tht this blog is extremely interesting so maybe you can have a look at it cuz i love it :D

temptation

it's hard to resist the temptation to tweet or at least rd ur timeline but i bliv thts the best fr the time being.. twitter is a distraction and to avoid tht i need to put it aside.. there are so many things that i can do if i don't tweet.. so i hve decided to blog instead of tweeting because blogging gives you a good writing skills if you practice often and also it doesn't has interactions tht makes you want to stick to it the whole time.. soyeah blogger ftw!! i hve also installed blogger for android so i can blog from my phone! (Y) :D btw this is my first post from phone ~(^o^)~

i can do this

hey, i want to be a great person but there r things tht stop me to be one. so these are the 10 things that i want to DO NOW for a better life :)

1. Move on over you
2. Leave twitter alone
3. Practise things instead of talking, action speaks louder than words
4. Live a healthy lifestyle
5. Do things straight away
6. Be a stronger person
7. Be independent
8. Promise that i will give my best in everything
9. Accept challenges
10. Stand up for the right things

- Because i know i can do THIS -

akan ku genggam erat tanganmu

tahun lepas ana jumpa saadah..
seronok.. ana dapat adik2x usrah yang ana sayanggg sgt2x..
ana nak kekal jadi naqibah diorang..
ana x nak berpisah dengan diorg..
kalau boleh nak genggam erat tangan diorang sampai ke syurga (andai ana layak)
tapi ana x fikir jauh..

***************************************************************

hebat sahabat ana ini mengupas makna sebenar 'usrah'
usrah bukanlah program sekali seminggu atau program wajib balik lambat..
tak.
usrah adalah suatu tali ghaib lagi ajaib..
yang menghubungkan hati2x untuk bersatu..
meskipun jauh tapi ikatan masih terasa..
meskipun hanya sekali seminggu tapi kerinduan sentiasa mencengkam jiwa..
kita takkan terpisah.
kalau semua orang pegang dan genggam tangan satu sama lain..
kalau dia jatuh, ana tarik.
ana jatuh, dia tarik.

ana lemas, dia selamatkan.
dia lemas, ana selamatkan.

nampak tak ironinya?
usrah = saling melengkapi satu sama lain..
dia kurang, ana cukupkan..
ana kurang, dia cukupkan..

begitulah indahnya usrah, semuanya akan jadi sempurna..
memang. islam itu sempurna..
tipu kalau orang kata takde benda yang sempurna..
tengok islam. islam bukan bersifat individualistik tapi berkemasyarakatan secara keseluruhannya.
islam tak suruh kita jaga tepi kain sendiri,
islam suruh kita sama2x concern dan prihatin dengan satu sama lain..
memang apabila yang kurang itu ditampung, maka sempurnalah semuanya..
tiada lompang mahupun lubang.
perfect. islam is perfect. i tell you this is perfection.

dan saadah mengingatkan ana..
usrah bukanlah hari khamis sahaja.. bukanlah tahun 2012 sahaja..
usrah untuk semua, bila2x masa dan di mana jua..
kita kan kelompok islam yang bersaudara.. pendek kata famili laaaah :D

kalaupun adik2x ana bukan usrah ana dah tahun ni.. (as we say secara hitam putihnya)
x salah ana nak jenguk diorg..
x salah ana nak ambil berat fasal diorg..
and most importantly x salah ana nak bimbing diorg..

and saadah cabar ana untuk membuktikan pada diri ana sendiri yang usrah ana ini sebenarnya mantap.. macam mana?
tengok, kita tengok sejauh mana keikhlasan kita berukhuwah bila kita dah terpisah..
masa tu barulah terasa penangan nya..
masa tu barulah terasa ujiannya..

sebab,
usrah yang sebenar akan TERUJI hanya apabila kita berpisah..
masa tu baru tahu KUAT tak tali ajaib ini?
longgar tak IKATAN yang kita dah bina selama ni?
then only the real challenge is revealed.

if one day

one day.
i want to be a grown up.
i don't like it. but i think i have to.
i can't be a dependent person 24/7
i'm a khalifah and i have duty to be made.
and khalifah itself means leader. leader is somebody who doesn't rely on other's shoulder.
sooner or later..
i need to.

i am still searching myself..
like today i'm like this,
tomorrow i'm different.
i wish life is as simple as ABC
then i can learn it easily.
but it's different.
each action produces effects and give impacts to people.
and it will continue on and on like a rolling wheel.

i have one thing that i want to preserve and maintain
it's my iman.
i want to put Him first.
but sometimes i forgot.
sometimes i just can't help it.

i want to be myself..
i want to be a good person..
but i just can't have both..
i want to isolate myself from boys..
and be totally strict against ikhtilat n all..
but i can't
cuz everything has pros and cons..
and in order to achieve something, sometimes you just need to do it..
legally i mean..

like.
to get new knowledge and share thoughts which is not illegal but.
it makes me feel different than being myself..

i used to hate that..
but now i'm used to it which makes me feel different..

and to be honest,
i feel peace when boys are not around.
i feel peace when life is harmony..
when boys are not around, life feels more meaningful..

it's not that i want boys to vanish from this world..
i just want to become myself more

because i need my sis? :D

what is this?
so last year hasanah,my sis n i joined this intraschool-debating championship and to make it short, we made it to the final..
and to be frank, we never expected that to happen nor that we'll win all rounds and we'll make it to the finals since it was the first time the three of us joined debate.. but we have good chemistry though.. so Alhamdulillah, we became finalists and we also won every round including the round when we won against skyhawk (iqbal's team) which was adj by fattah that time (now he's in jordan).. and skyhawk also made it to the final.. oh we're zephyr btw.. i was a lil bit nervous yet quite confident to win the final coz we've beaten them before and we got help from from people well, mostly fattah since he's an expert about syria :D
and we suddenly lost and i was quite disappointed since we already won each and every round previously and most importantly we already won against them.. and why? do we lost in the final.. T_T


i am the not-so-logical human being that cry for unreasonable reasons cried..
and after that iqbal's team became my number one enemy especially iqbal.. coz i hate him :P
and alhamdulillah i was selected to join maahad's team (kak ulfah and kak laila) for iium-idc last year and kimi couldn't join them so they replaced him with hakim (form 2 last year) but unfortunately he couldn't make it at the eleventh hour.. and we already booked a room for a boy.. kimi couldn't go.. who else who knew how to debate, and good at it to be escorted at this critical hour? and it must be a boy.. so we sat in that room and thought.. and kak.ulfah told me that she had discussed with kak laila and asked iqbal to join us..


the moment i heard that news, i was in total shock and quite mad actually.. so i ran out, went to some place in school for privacy.. meh i'm so lame to create such drama hahah.. and i cried.. when i felt calm, i went back to the room and said to kak.ulfah.. i don't want to go, let my sister replace me coz she's way better than me.. and kak ulfah looked at me and asked why? i said if iqbal is going, then i won't... kak ulfah told me that my sis will join us as an observer so i'm quite happy with that therefore,i decided to pretend that iqbal was not in the team.. i am evil rite? so, that evening, before training, i saw iqbal and he asked me where would the training be held and i said i don't know (i think i didn't say anything i just angkat bahu je) and iqbal was like: kau jangan nak sombong sgt ngan aq boleh x? (or something similar to that) and i pretended like nothing happened and left him.. but then kak ulfah came and asked where's iqbal.. i felt guilty but i can't help the feeling of total-enemy-mode whenever i saw him.. and somebody found him and he joined us that day.. kak ulfah and kak laila were really grateful that he was willing to join us and thanked him.. they asked whether he was okay or not.. then he said: tak aku okay je tapi dia ni ha..(pointing at me) and i was like hoiii napelaaa tunjuk aku pulakkk hais..(berdesis di dalam hati).. then syakirah came out with this BRILLIANT SUPERB IDEA which i rejected whole-heartedly... "akak, kita kena letak diorg satu team supaya diorang biasa.. tgokla skrg dh gaduh, kat uia nanti macam mna?" and i said NOOOO but kak ulfah put us in the same team for a debate and i think we teamed up with atiqah.. and.... i didn't talk to iqbal.. hahah i only talked to atiqah.. and iqbal was like seriously?? nak cakap apa?? and i was like kau kan pandai.. buat sendiri.. lolz.. and kak ulfah came to check on us but we were still not communicating.. after that i couldn't remember what exactly happened but we went to uia.. turun bas, my bag was kinda heavy and there were boys taking their bags under the bus so i couldn't approach my bag.. so iqbal pun keluarkan beg2x yang tinggal dalam tu including mine and to be frank i hated it.. like why you? but i didn't exactly say that out loud heheh.. i still didn't talk to him.. i wonder how did he feel having such a kurang-ajar junior like me in his team.. but he's cool.. buat macam x tau je.. if i became him i would be hurt.. huhu i didn't even know why i acted like that towards him, what i knew is, i hated him so much (at that time)

so we're in a team.. and it's a competition!!! i mean like a serious one.. so i talked to him, gave advice during prep although now i realized that he's much way better than me lolzz.. then we did talked and i felt that he was actually not that bad and in fact, despite all those bad behaviors that i had shown, i can tell that he didn't care or act like he didn't care coz what i can see is he didn't care.. so yeah..

then since in the team, only the two of us were newbies, i mean kak ulfah and kak laila have been debating for years but us, baru this year.. so both of us got like lots of new input and i found that it funny when both of us argued and tried our best to use our 'new knowledge' to find out who was better.. and the most famous one is the "TANGIBLE".. iqbal loved to question the opponent's tangibility.. and i did that a lot too.. unfortunately during our friendlies iqbal POI-ed me and asked how can we say that children can gain parents love cuz it's not tangible?(or lebih kurang mcm tu lah) that moment i felt like throwing my pencil box to him and i said ---------------------- and THAT'S how we make it tangible!! THIS.IS.  TANGIBLE!!! hahah i was so immature.. but then after that, iqbal gained my respect cuz even though i gave him my cold shoulder, he was still kind towards me.. and also, being in all the rounds with him, i realized that he is a really really brilliant debater like the idea datang sekejap gila like petik jari dua kali not like me.. i berfikir lambat but he thinks fast.. so yeah iqbal you've gained my respect :D but still i felt and treated him like he's sebaya je cuz first, we don't have much height difference.. heheh and second, maybe because he treated us like his sister (i heard that he's the only boy in his siblings and he's the eldest) so kiranya mcm matured sikit and dh biasa dgn kerenah perempuan kut..alhamdulillah i had a great time teaming up with kak ulfah, kak laila and bal..and my sister of course to edit this post and accompany us (more like accompanying me) (Y)

listen okay.. listen!

oh god i want crunchieee

what's up fakhry?

guys,so this is our plan.. you go here, you do this.. got it?

we have to question the tangibility! okay?

and i thought i asked you to watch the time iqbal

black riderssss

with akak usher n im fat lolzz

before i forgot,(i shld add this yesterday lol)
iqbal, i'm sorry for all those bad behaviors.. you are a very kindhearted senior and keep that easygoing personality, i wish you all the best in your life and keep your faith in Allah.. oh oh lastly, you have to join debate in uni tau! it's compulsory for people who are gifted in debate like you :D

kak ulfah,
thanks for everything.. i am sorry for my childish behavior that you need to deal with every time.. you should know that your critical mind is very precious and i know that you're going to be a successful debater in the future..and don't stop joking cuz whatever you did will cherish others' day :)

kak laila,
heyy i miss you.. i hope you will remain stylish and feminine heheh.. thanks for all the support.. i learnt so much from you, you will never say never in anything.. you will always fight till the end of the WORLDDD hahah.. please know that your courage inspire all.. keep that along your journey and have a great life with great people along your side.. i know that one day, you are going to be a great person just like me muahahaha.. eh eh plus, thanks for joining kadet bomba for kawad thn lepas tau ^_^

so thanks guys :)

p/s: i'm learning how to grow... mentally.. or not.. i still want to be a kid but growing up is vital :D

read my sis: www.keyra-blog.blogspot.com

space

to begin with,
i want some space with you all..
i wish somehow there's a place for me there..
even if it's a teeny tiny space,
i'll be grateful enough..
just as long as you can accept me..

life.
is great to know all of you.
learn.
so much with all of you.
hate.
when things are unbalance in this __ship

maybe this is meant for you who's reading.
or maybe not.
just saying.

what life am i living in?

"Sesungguhnya hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati-hati itu akan menjadi tenang"

ana rasa bersalah..
kadang-kadang rasa sesak.. lelah.. penat..
ana rasa macam terkapai-kapai..
dalam hidup ana, ana tak nafikan
memang Allah dan amalan ana tu terasing..
ana memang cuba.. ana nak kalau boleh ana dapat kekuatan sebagai seorang muslim tu..
tapi susah..
ana nak ikhlas dalam semua perkara kerana Allah..
tapi ana masih tak boleh..
kadang2x ana lupa Allah.. sedetik,
dan bila ana lupa, ana rasa menyesal..
macam rasa lain bila kita lakukan sesuatu bukan kerana Allah..
tak puas rasanya..
bila kita nak tegur orang pun serba salah..
sebab rasa takut dalam hati..
kalaulah ana yakin dengan Rabbul Izzati ini..
tiada apa yang akan menghalang ana..
ana akan yakin untuk berhujah menegur kerana takutkan Allah bukannya manusia..
tapi ana masih belum capai halwatul-iman yang ana sedang cari..

jujur ana katakan..
hidup tanpa Allah ibarat tenggelam tanpa pelampung..
sesat,
tangan ingin mencapai,
tetapi masih terkapai-kapai,
mata tak boleh melihat,
suara tersekat-sekat..

semua serba tak kena..
semua serba tak selesa..

kosong.
hidup ana kosong..
jauh hanyut..

ana nak cuba,
ana nak tanamkan rasa cinta tu dalam hati..
ana nak cuba jugak mencintai Allah seikhlas hati,
daripada cinta pada manusia yang serba dhoif,
lebih baik ana cinta pada Yang Maha Kaya..
Dia sentiasa ada untuk ana..
manusia sekejap kemudian hilang entah ke mana..
i watch people come and go, but He never leaves.

ana rasa bersyukur..
ana dapat nikmat mengenal Allah..
tapi ana rasa rugi..
sebab belum betul2x menghargai nikmat tersebut..

ana rindu kekasih ana..
lama ana tinggalkan Dia..
Dia x pernah lupakan ana..
saban hari sentiasa ada untuk ana..
anytime.. masa ana lupakan dia,
masa ana cintakan manusia,
masa ana derhaka,
masa ana cinta dunia,
namakan semuanya..
tapi Dia tak pernah berganjak..
andai saat itu juga ana kembali padaNya,
Dia terima.. sentiasa..

ana rasa rugi ana x sedar semua ni..
ana rasa macam susah nak sedar kehadiran Dia..
sebab ana jarang baca 'love letter' kirimanNya..
ana rasa susah nak berpaksikan Dia dalam segalanya..
sebab ana tak peruntukkan masa untuk Dia..
untuk memahami Dia,
untuk mengenang betapa agungnya Dia..
dan hakikat ana sebagai seorang hamba..
rugi.. ana rugi..
ana nak jadi hamba yang baik,
ana nak dengar dan patuh apa yang Dia suruh..
sebab.
hanya dengan mengingati Allah dalam setiap perkaralah hati-hati manusia akan menjadi tenang..

ana tahu ana masih muda,
masih perlu meneroka dunia,
tapi semua itu sia2x,
jika akhirnya di neraka jua..

Allah,
maafkan ana,
ana leka dan lalai..

Allah,
setiap hari Kau hadiahkan segala permintaanku,
setiap hari Kau hadiahkan kehidupan yang terbaik untukku,
setiap hari Kau hadiahkan pelbagai pelajaran untukku,
setiap hari Kau sentiasa mengingatkanku,

tapi aku lupa.. aku alpa..
ampunkan aku..

Kaulah kekasih agung..
maaf kerana aku melupakanMu..
maaf aku abaikanMu..
maaf kerana aku tidak menjadi kekasihMu yang baik..
sedang aku hina dan tak mampu digelar kekasihMu sekalipun..

maafkan aku dan terima kasih buat hadiah-hadiah kirimanMu setiap hari Ya Allah...

stigma.

"i dunno whether it's malays, or malaysians or everybody who grown up in malaysia or it's a universal problem"

preacher.

we all know. those who believe in their religions know that they have the responsibility to be made.

to preach people for good,

i said this on the behalf of good people who truly believe in what their religion taught them.

i believe that every religion teaches you kindness, not harm or degrading others religion.

because everything about a religion is to drive you for a better life.

my religion, islam, taught me to respect what others believe in.

and i believe others too.

them.

but the world is diverse.

we have people who has religion literally but they don't practise it as a whole.

and we also have people who don't believe in anything. the atheist.

but i respect both of them in choosing how they want to live their lives.

no doubt.

nitwit.

but for those judges out there.

who criticize other people,
who r trying to be good or trying to at least done their part as a daei,

yes. they don't appear or seem pious.

they're living a terrible lifestyle.

BUT. if they tell you about something, religious things or good things,

you shouldn't degrade them even if u think that they're not the one who suppose to tell you all that because they're worse than you.

i tell ya.

don't judge them.

Umar had said: "don't look for the person who's talking, look for what he/she talks about"

i think.

life is a lesson, take lessons as much as you need and leave bad things behind. criticizing people won't get you anywhere BUT learning will.

-feel humble and modest all the way, even if tried but u can't, i'll admire you for trying- :)

happy birthday prophet muhammad. i miss you

Ana rindu...

Ya Rasulullah, ana rindu

daurah nuqaba'

-naqibah-
"kalau bukan ana yang sanggup terima cabaran ni. sape lagi. ana x mahu usrah disia-siakan. ana mahu usrah mereka menjadi sebahagia usrah ana suatu ketika dulu."

ana seorang yang sentiasa bersemangat ketika usrah.
ana suka. ana suka bila kita ada masa untuk berfikir.
mengenali satu sama lain dengan lebih mendalam.
berbincang mengenai agama dan merapatkan ukhuwah antara satu sama lain.
usrah sangat cool.
ana sayang usrah dan ana paling tak suka bila usrah diganti dengan ceramah.
bukan ceramah x bagus tapi ana lebih suka masa usrah digunakan untuk usrah.

"ana berazam nak jadi naqibah yang menyeronokkan dan baik."
ana pergi daurah nuqaba' half-hearted. sebab wajib. kalau x ana x nak pergi.
sebab jujur selalunya program sekolah sangat membosankan.
tapi ana suuzzan (sangka buruk)
mashaAllah.
hebat!
ana x sangka bekalan ana belum cukup.
usrah bukanlah hanya tentang mendengar masalah adik2x.
tapi. lebih dari tu.
ana kena jalankan dakwah.
tapi yang macam mana?
yang berprinsip dan sesuai dengan psikologi adik2x.

bolehkah?

salah kalau ana rasa boleh tapi ana x mmpunyai persediaan yang cukup.
naqibah. macam mana adik2x nak ikut?
naqibah. macam mana adik2x nak dengar kata?
kalau ana sendiri masih terumbang-ambing dalam kehidupan.
ana kena berubah.
ana kena jadi lebih baik daripada adik2x usrah
kenapa?
sebab. analah yang akan menjadi tempat panduan dan rujukan mereka.
kalau persediaan ana x cukup alamatnya karamlah usrah ana.
ana juga kena berubah bukan sahaja menjadi baik secara lahiriah,
tetapi dari segi rohani.
ana tersentap bila ustaz cakap. "kalau adik usrah tanya macam mana nak solat khusyuk antum nak jawab apa?"

ana mungkin boleh jawab.
tapi kalau ana pun x khusyuk macam mana?
kalau ibadah ana pun x betul lagi,
macam mana ana nak bantu adik usrah secara total.
kesan ibadah yang baik pun x dapat dilihat dari perwatakan ana.
macam mana adik2x nak ikut dan percaya bahawa kata2x ana itu benar?

hmm macam tulah sedikit sebanyak ana tersedar.
ana ingin berubah.
menjadi muslim, hamba, anak, kakak, kawan dan murid yang baik.
doakan ana ~

debate.

lol lama dh x ckp psl debate..
terputus pertaliankah??
emmm
to accept the fact that it's totally a coincidence that i've joined debate..
eh?

07/08 ( year 5/6)

"i love being in the water but not swimming"
setting: hotel

they went to swimming pool.
i chose to stay alone in our room coz swimming is not my cup of tea.
i turned on the television.
high school students. they are arguing but in a pretty way.
i still remember that girl who amazed me. hazirah. the name written there.
10 minutes later. it's a national high school debate competition. a malay one.
"what a life to be a high school student "
i want to join bahas ala parlimen. just like them. starting from form 1 nanti.
i promised.

09/10/11 (form 1/2/3)
i searched for debate club. i haven't found any.
i met madihah but she's english debater and i'm only interested in malay debate.
i joined kelab pidato which seems like the only club in our school that is so much related to debate.
but we don't do much talking though.
hmmm i still have the interest to join malay debate. but how?

that evening. (after pmr)
we have debate competition.
i want to join but i hesitated. malay debate was already full.
english debate didn't has enough people to debate.
atiqah asked me to give a try. she-is-kind
i joined. then i hesitated. then i want to pull off. but it's already time.
they talked. i talked. i felt the passion when arguing but.

another evening.
i sat with atiqah. i said i really want to join debate but i don't know how.
she told me to meet madihah. and she believed that i can do it.
"she is very optimistic"
nahh i want to join malay debate.. but how. i don't know. i asked atiqah.
and it's the end of the year so they don't have other meetings so.
the passion that i have 4 years ago faded.

2012 (tgok nombor ni smua org igt psl kiamat lol)
she. is my sis. she saw a notice for those who were interested to join english debate.
i don't.
i don't want to go. but she wanted to. she asked me to accompany her.
i said no. but i saw the glitter in her eyes as this is the thing that she wanted so much in her life.
and she's a junior. i'm a senior.
and i'm her sister. i already refused to join netball team when she asked me and she said i shouldn't have any excuses for this. i should go. by hook or crook.
and i decided to go for the sake of a lil sis.
kak ulfah was there. she's friendly. i am 50-50 for debate.
my sis tried giving a speech. and i also tried and k.ulfah said that it's a good one #Smile
then i want to join them. but still keeping an eye for malay debate.

start
kak ulfah was really nice to me like i'm her lil sis.
and i enjoyed every training. it was fun. i won't leave debate.
.........

today.
ana suka dan rindu untuk berhujah dalam bahasa melayu.
teringin benar rasanya untuk berdebat dalam bahasa melayu.
tapi ana dah berjanji dengan kak ulfah.
jaga adik2x debat ini dan jangan lepaskan mereka.

kesimpulan
ana dapati debat bukanlah untuk pertandingan sahaja.
tapi debat membantu ana dalam kehidupan. untuk mempertimbang, memikir dan mencari kebenaran.
ana yakin debat tak terbatas.
melayu atau inggeris.
tiada beza. yang penting intipati yang ana dapat dari pengalaman ini.
ana berterima kasih pada insan bernama atiqah kerana percaya pada ana, syakirah kerana memaksa ana menyertai debat, dan kak ulfah kerana percaya pada potensi ana dan tak pernah jemu melatih ana.

"terima kasih insan-insan istimewa dan Allah kerana mengaturkan semuanya."

tenang

starting a new year.. ana jujur katakan ana cukup gembira..

terasa semangat nak spm tu berkobar-kobar dengan sahabat di sisi..

ana nekad.. tahun ni ana nak belajar betul2x, kalau x faham terus tanya n bla bla bla..

dan ana nekad sebab..

ana sedar, niat ana sebelum ni salah..

belajar untuk periksa tu konfem2x tak..

tapi takde niat pun masalah jugak...

sejujurnya ana memang kurang semangat untuk menjadi seorang skema dan sebagainya..

tapi, ana suka bersaing... sangat2x!

kalau cikgu suruh lawan jawab quiz mesti semangat..

ana seronok nak kalahkan kawan2x ana (cehh mcm dah menang je)

tapi dalam kelas memang pnp lebih kepada pengajaran.. kurang teka teki dan soalan.. yelah macam sekolah rendah pulak nak lawan2x segala.. tapi ana suka!!!

so bila xde tu, tak semangat nak belajar dengan sesi pembelajaran satu hala.. :O

cuma bila malam periksa tgok orang smua pegang buku ke hulu ke hilir..

satu buku rujukan x cukup, ada yg sampai 3 buku skali bukak..

fuhhh dahsyat.. ana pun terpanggil untuk membuka buku2x (for finally)

tu yang result periksa ana selamatlah jugak...

itulah perangai ana.. ana suka buat benda ramai2x..

nak bersaing, nak berborak, nak bertanya.. pokoknya ana sukaa ada orang..

kalau x de orang, ana x buat..

ana ke mana2x pun nak berteman.. x lengkap sorang2x.. even nak basuh tangan pun mesti ada kawan.. kalau xde mmg ana rasa awkward.. hah smpai tahap mcm tu skali..

so back to the topic..

dah seronok2x duduk kelas dengan kawan2x,

seronok volunteer tanya soalan bagai..

kejut orang lain tidur dengan azam tahun ni jgn tidur, spm!

tiba2x..

"guys kena rombak balik la kelas"

emmhhhh memang ana marahla..

dah berkobar-kobar semangat nak belajar, dengan kawan2x lagi tetiba nak tukar2x..

n paling sedih baru seminggu sekolah.. aisehhhh

ana pun tunggu.. then ana kena tukar masuk ibs dengan sorang puteri ni..

majoriti kelas tu memang bukan kawan karib ana lah...

rasa macam mental breakdown je..

ana yakin Allah tahu yang terbaik tapi hati ni degil lagi..

sebab ana dah plaaaan tahun ni nak mcm ni mcm ni sekian sekian..

tetiba lain pulak jadinya..

aduhaiiiii

lepas masuk ibs, ana nak turun kelas,

and cikgu x bagi.. umi pulak kata kalau betul turun kelas tu yang terbaik utk ana, insyaAllah urusan ana dipermudahkan.. tapi sebab cikgu x bagi so maksudnya Allah is saving something better for me in ibs.. so ana redha..

belajar2x.. banyak yang ana sedar.. benda2x yang ana memang x mampu suarakan,

Alhamdulillah ana mampu jugak sekarang.. ana rasa bersyukur..

mungkin benda yang sukar tu menjadikan kita lebih kuat.. kan??

from one side, ana dah improve..

dan ana nak cuba lagi improve jadi lebih baik..

siapa tahu batas kemampuan kita kan??? kita kena try dulu baru tahu..

bak kata mathematics, try and error :P

insyaAllah, ana nak berusaha sehabis boleh dan apa2x yang berlaku, ana nak redhakan seikhlas hati..

sebab ana rasa ketenangan tu hanya boleh diperolehi dengan meredhakan keputusan ilahi :B

Farewell is it :')

Saying goodbye is the last thing you would ever wish in ur life..
imagine,
we meet, we hate each other, we argue, we laugh, we cry together
and we don't want to move on.. if the choice is ours, we would choose to argue on stupid things like this, everyday..
we don't care if we get hurt coz we miss it sooo much
---
and i still remember
you and me, arguing and swearing like we would never ever be friends anymore..
but then we just did.. again
---
and as time passed, those bitters become sweets..
together, we laugh to ourselves coz we feel stupid hating each other LIKE if i know ur going to be my BFF like FOREVERRR i won't rip your book coz ur handwriting is soo damn prettier than mine :P
and those crazy-funny moments are the best 157680000 seconds that i've ever had in my life..
because that 157680000 seconds has been spent mostly with you, my friend..
---

ujian dan cabaran - tanda Allah rindu

Assalamualaikum guys..
ana bru terbaca sebuah artikel drpd seorg hamba Allah ni..
beliau diuji dgn begitu hebat dan ana brharap usaha beliau untuk kembali ke landasan dipermudahkan Allah...

ana sendiri akui dalam hidup ni,
kita akan sentiasa diuji..

kadang2x ana sendiri tertanya-tanya..
kenapa ana diuji sedemikian rupa..
x sayang ke Allah pada ana?
atau mgkin kerana ana trlalu byk dosa?

tapi bila ana muhasabah blik..
ana trigt kata2x umi..

umi kata:
kalau Allah uji..
itu tanda Allah sayang..
sebab Allah sentiasa igt pada kita walaupun kita sentiasa lupakan Allah..
dan Allah nak kita sedar walau apa pun yang berlaku,
Dia sentiasa ada..

Allah juga uji kita,
sbb Allah rindu.. kdg2x hidup kita ni trlalu 'smooth' sampai kita lupa pada Allah..
kita lupa betapa pentingnya utk mnjaga hubungan dgn Allah..
solat kita pun x brmakna..
dan sedar x sedar Allah rindu kita...

Allah rindu nak dgr rintihan kita di dalam sujud
Allah rindu nak makbulkan hajat kita dlm setiap doa
dan Allah tunggu saat2x kita sebagai hambaNya menyedari bahawa Allah sentiasa ada untuk kita..

dan Allah nak kita tahu,
di saat manusia tidak mahu mendengar rintihan kita,
Allah sentiasa ada..
Dia sentiasa setia untuk mendengar apa jua keluhan kita..
dan di saat manusia tidak mampu untuk menunaikan hasrat kita,
Allah sentiasa ada.. Dia sentiasa berlapang dada untuk memakbulkan hajat kita
tengok janji Allah:

"Dan apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya kepadamu mengenai Aku maka (beritahu kepada mereka): sesungguhnya Aku (Allah) sentiasa hampir (kepada mereka); Aku perkenankan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia berdoa kepadaKu. Maka hendaklah mereka menyahut seruanku (dengan mematuhi perintahKu), dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepadaKu supaya mereka menjadi baik serta betul." (Al-Baqarah Ayat 186)


tapi kita kenalah berusaha dan berdoa..

sedar x sedar,
dalam dunia ni xde sesiapa pun yg suka dgr keluhan kita selain Allah..
dalam dunia ni xde sesiapa pun yg nk dgr prmintaan kita setiap masa selain Allah..

jadi berbanggalah sekiranya kita diuji..
kerana Allah Yang Maha Berkuasa, yang mempunyai berbillion-billion hamba,
ingat pada kita :)

p/s: sama2x kita mendoakan kebaikan untuk hamba Allah trsebut dan satu sama lain ^^

ada apa dengan 'ana'?

Assalamualaikum..
Hari ini ana teringin untuk berkongsi sebuah ilmu yang ana perolehi daripada sahabat ana yang menuntut di MITIB (Maahad Integrasi Tahfiz Istana Bandar)

Secara kebetulan ana dipertemukan dengan sahabat ini yang merupakan classmate ana dahulu..
Ana terdetik untuk bertanya kepada rakan ana,
sama ada menggunakan ana enti ini adalah suatu keperluan atau bukan..
sudah semestinya ana menyoal segala kemusykilan yang berkait dengan isu ini dan Alhamdulillah sahabat ana mempunyai jawapan kepada semua persoalan ana..

Ana: Skrg ni maahad (MAHISS) nak guna balik istilah ana enti.. tapi ana x pasti dimana kelebihan istilah tersebut..pada ana, aku kau, kita awak kan sama jugak.. bukanlah sesuatu yang menyalahi syariat.. lagipun itu cuma kata ganti nama diri je.. Ada beza ke penggunaan ana enti dengan aku kau?

Hajar: Oh.. betullah tu.. dua2x kata ganti nama diri, tapi, ustazah kita pernah cakap, ana enti ni kan bahasa arab.. bahasa arab kan bahasa syurga, jadi kalau kita nak masuk syurga, kita kenalah biasakan diri dengan bahasa syurga dulu.. sebab itu ana enti ni lain sikit sbb dia bahasa syurga.. Dan.. lagi satu, kalau munierah perasan, kalau kita guna ana enti ni lebih terjaga sikit, sebab bila kita bercakap menggunakan ana enti, perbualan kita akan terhindar dari perkara2x yang lagho, contohnya mengumpat dan sbgnya..

Ana pun terbayang:
"Eh Eh enti semalam kan ana tengok si fulan tu kena cuci tandas sekolah.. padan muka dia"
dan ana rasa memang impossible nak cakap macam tu,

lainlah kalau:
"Eh Eh kau tau x, semalam kan aq tengok si fulan tu kena cuci tandas sekolah.. padan muka dia"

so, ana pun tanya hajar lagi:

Ana: Tapikan hajar, kalau kita nak dekat dengan org contohnya budak2x yang bukan dari sekolah agama, kan kalau kita guna ana enti diorg rasa pelik.. Ana lebih selesa guna kau aku supaya diorg rasa yang ana ni approachable dan mudah didekati.. Kalau macam ni lagi senang nak rapat dgn diorg.. X peke?

Hajar: Ha.. betullah tu.. kita kan nak rapat dgn diorg.. bolehla guna kau aku ke.. awak kita ke.. tengok yang mana diorg guna supaya nak dekat dengan diorg.. kalau kita guna ana enti kan mesti diorg pelik n x biasa, nnti ssh nak dekat dgn diorg.. bolehlah kalau nak guna, mungkin slow2x suatu hari nanti kita boleh ajak diorg guna ana enti..

Jujur ana katakan ana berpuas hati dengan jawapan hajar.. maksudnya, cara perbualan kita itu haruslah kena dengan tujuan.. kalau tujuan untuk mendekati para mad'u (org yg ingin didakwah) tiada salahnya menggunakan panggilan lain, lagipun secara logiknya, jarang untuk kita berbual perkara2x yang lagho dgn org yg bru kita kenali.. tetapi dengan mereka yg memahami agama, lebih elok kita amalkan panggilan ana enti agar perbualan kita terhindar daripada perkara2x lagho..

Sekian sahaja kali ini.. Ana harap entri ana kali ini mampu memberi jawapan kepada mereka yang masih tertanya-tanya mengenai keperluan menggunakan ana enti..

Wassalam :)

ana

i) stigma

sebagai remaja,
jujur ana katakan ana mempunyai tanggapan/stigma yang sama seperti para remaja yang lain..
ana rasa hidup sebagai remaja harus easy-going dan enjoy dahulu..
sebab.
zaman remaja hanya sekali..

tetapi ini bukanlah bermakna bahawa ana berpegang kepada pepatah hidup mat rempit yang mengatakan hidup cuma sekali, bila dah tua barulah bertaubat.
cuma ana rasa hidup tidak perlu serius..
hidup ini harus berfikiran terbuka dan sebagai remaja bukanlah menjadi tanggungjawab ana untuk memikirkan masa hadapan..
sesuatu yang masih terlampau jauh menurut perkadaran ana sebagai remaja..

ii) agama

jujur ana katakan,
ana tahu,
malah ana cukup maklum bahawa remaja merupakan aset yang PENTING buat agama..
ana lebih selesa menggunakan istilah agama daripada negara kerana pada hari ini ana lihat sebuah kekurangan di dalam kamus kehidupan kita, iaitu agama..

kita terlalu sibuk membangunkan negara dan bangsa, kita ingin mencapai kemajuan tetapi kita lupa kepada satu-satunya perkara yang mampu menjadi pokok dan pangkal atau menjadi sebab munasabab kepada apa jua keadaan yang akan berlaku pada hari ini dan masa hadapan.
iaitu agama..
ibaratnya, kita ingin membina menara yang cantik dan gah tetapi kita terlupa untuk membina asas kepada menara tersebut..
dan tanpa asas ini, mungkin menara itu masih boleh berdiri tetapi kita semua tahu bahawa:

1)berdirinya menara itu hanya menunggu masa untuk jatuh
2)sesuatu telah hilang daripada menara itu yang membuatkan ianya rapuh seperti tulang belulang si tua di dalam kubur

iii) realiti hari ini

agama dan politik ibarat air dan minyak..
pantang bercampur..
agama dan hiburan ibarat langit dan bumi..
takkan pernah bersatu..

iv) konklusi

1) ana x pernah jelas tentang pendapat yang mengatakan bahawa hidup harus sentiasa berhibur dan bergembira kerana ana tidak pernah merasa benar2x terhibur dengan hiburan dunia
2) memang agama belum menjadi asas atau basic foundation kepada sistem kita hari ini.. tapi ana tidak akan duduk termangu seperti kerbau di kandang menunggu seseorang melakukan perubahan.. biarlah ana, dan sahabat2x seperjuangan yang menyedari bahawa hakikat agama adalah asas kepada semua binaan memulakannya terlebih dahulu
3) politik dan agama, tetap satu.. hal ini kerana agama adalah asas, ASAS kepada semua hal walhal politik yang diangkat darjatnya sekalipun.. dan ana yakin ISLAM, agama yang ana pegang pada hari ini merupakan cara hidup yang terbaik yang mampu dimiliki oleh semua insan dengan mengaplikasikannya di dalam kehidupan.. hiburan? boleh.. tetapi harus menurut syariat dan agama

And finally, we learn

it's been such a long time i haven't updated my entry..
thinking that nothing makes me want to write so far..
until.

my parents went to turki and we all were left all home alone
seeing that this might be a hard time for us since we are not really good with the younger ones
i just think that it is a half-half..
things might work miraculously..
or they just can turn out to be things that are beyond imagination
but we just have to face it..
it is reality..

a week before they left, mom keeps telling me to be good to my lil sisters..
and i tried i do try it just that it's hard to make them listen bcoz we are not that close
and to be honest they are stubborn..
just like us. we all are nearly the same,
we have the same base means the way we accept and react on things is mostly just the same

i can say that we all are very hard to accept things in condition that is not in our favour
sounds arrogant eh?
to me myself, i can accept advice.
i really can.
but only sincere advice and in the way that will make sense to me..
i hate when people ask you to do a favour, or change but they just throw everything on your face
like you're not human.. you don't have feelings..
i know as human i always do mistakes.. i would love to be better
it just that the way people tell me that i am wrong or i need to fix certain parts means a lot to me..

and i tell you,
it applies to all of us.
we usually against things that were forced on us..
just same copy-cat,

and one more thing that we are similar in..
we may be stubborn and don't listen to whatever people say,
we play life by our rules,
but when it comes to mom, nothing else matter.
everybody listens to mom.
even though we disagree with certain things,
but we all the five of us respect and love our mom whole-heartedly
if people do what we don't like, we may call it a war
but when it's mom, it's time for discussion..
the way we respond to things that we don't like may be different..
but the point is everybody respect mom and listen to her..

both my lil sis,
when everybody tells them to stop whatever they're doing,
they will not listen and usually things will become worse..
but once mom says stop dear.. they just melt..
that stubborn head kids will melt just like butter and they really do look like a 'real kids' when my mom approaches them..
it's not that i'm telling bad things about them right now..
it just things from my view before my parents left..
actually i think that things happen like that is because of us, the eldest fault too..
but i just don't want to expand the story here,

mom tried so hard to unite us, her children..
we are just good when the eldest didn't mix with the youngest..
but you know them the young ones, i mean they have 3 elder sisters kut..
of course they want to join in..
but we just don't let them to because they will ask a lot, complain about things and the most unlikely things, fight..
and mom she told me many times in different ways that i should love and care my younger sisters..
it is not just about love.. but it is about being just on things and to always be there for each other helps fixing ones bad so everything is perfect..
nobody else can fix this, the relationship.
just us..

and since i'm the first, i was taken aback a lil bit because i think that i already try to make up with them.
it just that it is so hard to make them listen..

but some of mom's words just got into my mind..
she told me that these children.. they are just kids, and at this moment, they want to be cuddle and love just like the other kids.. they don't want people to be mad at them.. they just want people to forgive them and love them just like a kid..

i don't know if my words didn't really interpret my mom's words.. but the point is,

as much as all of us want our childhood to be full of good memories,
sweet things and foolish mistakes,
they want to have it too..
we have grown up.. and we don't like to do mistakes any more..
but they are kids just like us before.. doing mistakes is fun.. during childhood time..
so we as the elder, need to tell them to stop doing this and that,
give them reasons.. BUT
no need for yelling and all, because they are just kids
and kids always like that. you.just.have.to.understand
so do i..

so when they left,
i made a few rules, brief them about how things are going to to be for the moment.. what mom and dad asked us to do while they're not home..
and i give each of them their own responsibilities..
because i want them to feel that they are actually important, mostly the kids..

i just planned, but the role as a leader of the house is put on angah mostly because i'm not at home during day time because i have tuition from morning till evening..
and angah needs to make sure things go according to what i've planned..
my rules are not that complicated.. basically it is what my parents want us to do..
i just make it sound more strict and clear so everything will go well..

the rules are simple.
everybody must pray together every prayer time (nobody is left behind)
after subuh and asr prayer everybody needs to read ma'thurat together
after maghrib prayer everybody must read Qur'an
and only eat when everybody is there because usually the young ones forget about their lunch time..
you can do anything you want in the morning as long as you stay in the house and you can play the computer after zuhr..

that's the basic part.

first day everything looks perfect..
but then when they started to fight, the young ones wanted to pray by themselves because they are mad  at the eldest and so on..
the pressure arise..
and we as the eldest talk to them..
and we are three so there's always a third person..
to make things well again..

and after our parents are not home for such time..
we just learn..
we just learn how to cooperate..
how to accept each other and tolerate..

we tell each other what's wrong and what's right,
how things should be better and surprisingly,
everybody has improved,
our relationship has also improved..

there're still small fights but it's not as bad as before..
i only realize this when my grandma told me how things before and now has changed.. and i am grateful to Allah for everything..

now i understand why mom talk to the kids softly and forgive them when they made mistakes.. why she doesn't just yell to them..

i totally understand it now..

i'm happy because finally, we all learn :)

p/s: ude got 5as and mumtaz!! we all hope she will become a hamidian soon! :D

wishes.

i got many wishes.

in life,

i want peace, happiness and justice bound together,
then life is perfect and harmony.

i want my dreams come true,
i wish every single thing that i think is good will be granted.
like a princess in a fairy tale.

i want to draw the path of my life,
and see how life grows exactly like what i  imagine.

life, as a story of my own
exactly at the tip of my quill.

dreams.

keep it safely with hard work and determination

everything will be paid as much as you work for it.

remember.
everything happens for a reason

just follow the flow and colour your path,
write your own story

remember, good story will always has a good ending :)