reality

a lil bit by bit.
i wanna find it.
i wanna run from it.
it scares me.
the reality

may i finally find the real peace

i'm feeling relieved..
for days i've been wondering..
how vast and complicated the world is..
as much as i know that i can make it easy,
i also know that this one small step can trouble me in the future..

i am confused to choose..
at one moment i already wholeheartedly believe that i belong to uia..
but chatting with my girls from utp,
it brings back the memories..
how hard it is, at first struggling and coping with university life..
n then i met the girls who cheer up every single second of my life..
the bittersweet memories are so priceless..
thinking about it,
i feel reluctant to let it go..

but then i've prayed..
and comparing between utp n uia,
i found more advantages in utp..
but my heart feels that i belong to uia..
it's not again bcus of debate or anything..
i haven't found any concrete reason why i should leave utp n go to uia,
but my heart..
it's like an answer to my prayer..
i feel like i just belong there i dunno why..
and i, since haven't found the reason why i should leave utp,
discussed with my parents..
and much to my surprise,
my parents told me to follow what my heart says..
the answer to my istikharah..
they asked me to follow what Allah shows me..
and i told them about the job prospect n stuffs,
how utp is more beneficial than uia from my point of view and how i'm very confused why my heart is more inclined to uia..
it's not like my heart nk masuk uia..
it feels like something's calling me..
like hey, u belong here n ur now closer to a place that will give you peace and happiness..
it feels like that.
and my parents dgn sgt tenang told me..
xpelah sayang, rezeki along insyaAllah byk..
ikutla ptunjuk istikharah tu..
eventho it seems like if i msuk uia, my job prospect mcm x byk sgt n stuffs,
but my parents told me that Allah knows best and as His slaves, kita brserah je to His decision n go with the flow..
sgt tenang i tell you..
how my parents told me that..
and i was like x sng dduk and keep saying tapi utp is this this..
but idk y my heart mcm ni..
n i told them the wonders that i've experienced in utp..
but they told me to follow what my istikharah said..
and i know that in my life,
there are many things that i felt reluctant to choose,
but since it's what my istikharah/my parents' istikharah answers,
i followed it,
and it turns out to be way better than i expected..
because like i say,
Allah knows best..

and i just couldn't describe how peaceful i feel about uia..
it's like thinking about it just give me a sort of peacefulness..

so i'm considering one more day to do my istikharah once again..
cuz i really want to make sure about this..
then i'll make up my mind..
insyaAllah..

Lari

Probably aq nk lari dri dia jelah kan..
Apelah hidup ni
Asyik main lari2 jelah kan

the uns

because why.
because how.
because what.
because when.
because where.

i'm not teaching you to write essays.
i'm not teaching you the principles or what so ever.
i'm just wondering.
leave me cuz it's unnecessary.
it's just me again.
idk y idk how.
we're very the unexplainable.
i miss you.
i miss you too.
at the same time i do think of you.
how is this people.
what the even's happening i don't even know.
i just feel so undefinable.
the weirds and weirds keep happening.
and of course things get weirder.

because each has own purpose so each won't be left out

sick

i'm sick now and it almost 5 to 6 days i think..
and i cannot help myself from whining and sighing..
i miss my healthy body..
it makes me feel energetic, happy and optimistic..
but when i'm sick, it feels suck..
cuz i cannot breath properly,
i cannot eat like i used to,
i cannot have a good sleep,
my head aches because i'm lacking of oxygen..
it's too much.

but people always reminded me that sickness is kaffarah..
(kaffarah means a repayment for your sins..)
n the purpose of kaffarah is to wash your sins away...
which is a good thing..
being sick is a good thing because let's admit it,
we have committed tons of sins and there's no way we can pay for it unless He wants us to..
that's why He makes us sick in the first place..
because He loves us and before the Judgement Day comes,
He wants us to be all clean so we can enter Jannah..

there is one term i can't remember it right now, that we learn in AlQuran n AsSunnah which means that there are certain people who Allah gives them easiness and comfort to add their 'kesesatan'.. *can't find the right term sorry*
a simple example will be the Pharaoh.. Allah gives him immortality and he never fell sick during his lifetime simply because Allah wants to add his *kesesatan* since he is too arrogant to Allah.. Therefore Allah let him be among the lost people..

to relate back to the sickness,
if you fall sick or have difficulties then that's actually a GOOD thing because Allah wants to remind you, He wants you to get back to the right path and you should be REALLY REALLY grateful for it..

oh kay.
now onto my second point.
since sickness is kaffarah right..
so i kinda imagine it as an after-effect..
imagine, if you live in mud and dirt everyday,
you will eventually get sick isn't it?
same goes to this,
when you fall sick,
have you ever wondered how much you have sinned that you become as sick as this?
the sins are like the dirt..
you've sinned too much that's why you fall sick..
and when you recovered probably because the sins have been cleaned, like the dirt.. if you cleaned the dirt and kill all the bacteria then only you will be healthy again..
what a metaphor right?

so that's it for tonight.. i can't wait to get healthy again cuz i only have some days left before going back to utp and i REALLY REALLY want to spend my time happily with my family and being sick just makes me feel tired and weary to join them in their activities..
so i hope i'll recover soon..
assalamualaikum

breathless

Usually the nights will pass easily n quickly, but not last night..
It was different..
I cannot sleep even though my body felt so tired n my head ached..
I dunno why..
The flashbacks kept coming..
Haunting me with the fear of losing..
I was trying to tell myself that it was not an important matter,
But nothing changed..
My headache worsened, n then only i managed to tell my mind to stop..
But the after-effect was still painful...
I dunno how i managed to sleep last night but it was not a good sleep..
I felt troubled..
N waking up this morning, i feel so full with everything..
I feel breathless.

"People say we can control everything about ourselves, but i don't think it's true. My mood, my feelings, my emotions.. they change like an unexpected weather.. i wish i can alter it somehow"

if only we realize

tonight was such a touching night..
usually after our maghrib prayer, abah will either give us tazkirah or ask us to recite the Qur'an..
n tonight is the tazkirah night..
so usually i am a person who 'outspace' a lot..
i often get distracted and when i realize it, abah has already talk for several minutes n tht's the only moment i realize tht he's talking..
sometimes i can catch up with the tazkirah n sometimes i don't get it because it's half through already..
but tonight, same thing goes on and when i realize it,
abah is talking about blessings that we have..
specifically, our hearing sense..
it sounds very middle-school science right?
but listen first,

did u ever wonder what would you do or who would you be without these abilities?
i don't.. never before.. and because of that, i don't realize how great things are to me because of my perfect abilities..
my father caught my attention when he said:

"have u ever seen disabled people getting married with normal people? it's rare right? disabled people are for disabled people and normal people are for normal people because only then they will be able to understand each other and cope with life together"

that somehow stunted me..
i feel like, man.. i was born this way, no disabilities *physically* and i never realize how much all these abilities mean to me..
at that time i feel very grateful that Allah has made me this way..
and abah also told us that with our hearing ability,
we are able to listen to good things, understand knowledge, learn it and apply in our life..
that also stunted me..
i can listen well,
but what do i listen to all this time?
songs, gossips those crappy stuffs..
i mean it's not that we or i cannot listen to songs..
it's just that we should have limit to it and somehow there are better things that we can do with this ability..
so that's practically what i'm trying to say...

each of us was created with something..
to be used for the benefit of all..
even if ur handicapped, there must be something that you have..
everybody and each of us has it..at least one thing that ables us to contribute back to the ummah.. because He created us that way..
the thing is that,
what you have may not be what the others have..
so be grateful for it and use it wisely..

so i think that's it..
syakirah and my mom also share some interesting stories after the tazkirah but i'll keep it cuz idk haha..
nevertheless i hope this, at least inspires you to be a better person in life as much as it is to me..
that's all for today :D

TurnOver

Dear diary..
It's been quite some times since ive travelled n ventured into a different world..
N to me,
There r only little amusements in those worlds n a lot of confusions..
Those amusements r too little to satisfy me..
I guess now it's time to get back to the old path..
I wanna get back to my nature (fitrah),
I wanna believe n surrender..
I wanna feel safe n secure..
I wanna feel calm n blessed..

I believe that's the only way to make me feel happy n satisfied..
InsyaAllah

"Ssungguhnya hati2 itu (hati2 org yg beriman) hanya akan tenang dgn mengingati Allah"

Notes

Dont take my thoughts n entries seriously cuz my thoughts n i change most of the times. Sometimes because of moodswing or because i'm impersonating the other person to feel what they feel.. that's y sometimes it's not really what i feel but my emotions are affected when i imagine myself to be in their place :)

I enjoy that.
Putting myself in ones place n let my imaginations flow. It could hurt too sometimes but i like humans :D

They said chase ur dreams but i

I have a failed dream.
Washed by the sea.
Crushed by the ocean.
It was gone.
Nothing was like i've ever imagined.
I guess it's because the world is worsening.
N we're lacking of choice.

We r stucked at the narrow road.
Only able to follow the flow.
N getting out and flying aren't really a choice.

I probably have deceived myself.
The choice i made wasn't really my choice.
It hurts to think about it.
But to go against them is the last thing i wanna do.

To the parents we shall lower our heart,
As they've done everything n rarely do they ask for something.
So what else can i give to them rather than fulfilling it?
Besides, i believe that they know best

settling down

hi, it's been a while since i haven't updated you on my current issue,
even though it doesn't seem necessary, but still, posting an entry on your life is like plotting your life sequence..
only when it comes to an end, you can see the beautiful patterns of ups and downs, trials and errors and the most exciting part would be to look at the beautiful days you've had for your entire life :)

the thing is that,
it's been quite a while since i've became interested to be honest and let it all outs in my blog..
i don't have the guts for most of the time..
but today,
when i finally settled down and admitted that i am flawed in every single way and that's just a normal thing for human, cuz we all are created flawed, i feel better in sorts of way.

everybody has imperfections but the difference is on how they, each of them, deal and live with it..
sometimes i hate my flaws..
i wanna be perfect tbh..
but what's perfect tho?
ones may say this and this are perfect,
others may say that and that are perfect,
until when and when,
you can never satisfy people..
and actually people don't need to be satisfied..
they are just solely observing on how you deal with your life..
nothing as such such that you need to be this this..
i probably think too much.

oh well,
that's basically what i learnt and realized now..
and i wanna keep my life more natural and lively from day to day..
i'm working on it though..
it's not easy to take a small step for a big change..
but it's surely will be worth it..

one of the thing that pushes me to realize this is probably debate,
when i went to training that day and mugabe was provoking *he's just playing around*
my attitude just happened to be who i really am..
i like being, in that case, cocky and defensive..
it feels like a full satisfaction when you become yourself no matter what..
and when it happened,
nothing should be regretted..

and also my conversations with hasni, nina and fik yesterday..
makes me think a lot..
makes me wonder all this time, what i've been doing..
it was a fun conversation and i really appreciated it..

so thanks guys for helping me finding myself again..
although i might still not change much,
still not being that talkative or whatever,
i will try..
and that is because, you helped me..
thanks friends..

♥each and every single one of you has taught me something valuable on life.. and i thank you guys for that ♥

.....

Sometimes i wonder whether i

sepetang di utp

tajuk mcm mmg x blh kait lg kan?
so, pejam celik pejam celik, x sangka dh dkt 3 bulan jugaklah aq menghuni kt utp ni,
which means aq, for the first time dduk jauh2 dri family..
dlu mse form 1, aq trasa mcm dh besar la kan,
nk duduk asrama..
kwn2 smua pakat duduk asrama,
aq sorg je ddk rumah..
tp mak aq kata, yang, selagi blh dduk rmah 17 thn ni, dudukla rumah..
nnt dh msuk universiti smua dh ssh nk blk rmah..
n aq pn obey jela wlupun rasa mcm tringin sgt nk msuk asrama..

alrite tu form 1 pnye cerita..
naik form 5, aq dh fhm..
ddk rmah tu sbnrny bnda plg nikmat dlm dunia..
luxury, mknn sedap, katil sedap, ad tv ad wifi laju..
so ble form 5, klu aq mcm x smgt je nk blaja, mak aq plak ckp,
kalau masuk asrama mgkin along smgt skit kut nk study.. dgn kwn2.. nak msuk asrama k?
p/s: my umi brcakap dgn nada yg lembut cuz umi aq mmg lemah lembut :D
n aq plak yg mcm...
emmm xpela mi.. ddk rumah je.. selesa.. dduk asrama tkut stress.. #AlasanSemataMata

and then aq pn habes spm, graduate from maahad then trlebih excited plak mengisi borang2 kt internet..
tnpa disangka-sangkanya, aq dptla plak offer nk msuk utp..
kwn2 pn rmai yg dpt tp most of them tolak kerana reasons yg pelbagai..
aq ni plak dlm dilemanya nak masuk ke taknak,
aq serahkan keputusan kat parents aq..
tp smbil tu aq interview jugak org2 lain..
saje nk tmbh knowledge..
pstu dlm 2-3 hari lg nk kna konfemkan keputusan aq nk accept ke tak,
mak aq ckp,
dia dh istikharah, n dia rasa aq kena pergi..
sebab, aq x biasa dduk asrama, x biasa susah2..
mak aq kata, at least cuti ni x buat pape, biarlah aq belajar campus life..
klu terus msuk je lps result nnt takut aq xleh carry..
mak aq kata, biar msuk utp ni mcm trainingla.. belajar mandiri..
eceh.
mse mak aq ckp tu, aq rse mcm.. umi ni x syg along ke.. sbb aq tgok mak aq cool je..
selalunya bab2 nk berjauhan ni mak aq mmg x bg..
hatta kem pun jarang gile mak aq nk bg pergi..

last2 dh sehari kut sblum aq pergi tu,
aq suarakan jgakla isi hati aq,
aq bgtau mak aq.. "umi.. along tgok umi mcm x kisah je along nk pergi ni.. umi x sayang along ke?"
then brula mak aq confess,
berat jugak dia nk bg aq pergi, tp dia xnak aq risau.. so dia cool je..
mse tu aq trharu+sedih+ feeling2 lain yg brkaitan..
tp aq mcm dh x leh wat pape sbb esknya dh nk pergi..
so aq diam je..

pstu mak aq ckp.. try dulu sayang.. nnt kalau x ok, nnt kluarlah..
aq pn ok je..
then mula2 masuk..

memang.
aq ni dgn xpernah basuh baju pkai tangan nye..
jarang gosok tudungnya..
hmm..
smua nk kna blaja..
bibik aq pn dh pesan awal2 sblum prgi..
dia ajar aq gosok tudung sbb slalunya dia yg gosokkan..
tp aq bknnya x reti gosok.. cuma dh lama x gosok.. tu yg mcm pshhh skit tu..
then, basuh baju la plg x reti..
pstu mse baru masuk jatla tlg ajar smua en..
n aq pn blaja la slow2..

pstu skrg alhamdulillah.. agak pro lah bab2 basuh baju ni..
bab2 gosok pn xde problem sgt dh..

then aq rasa mcm btulla mak aq ckp tu..
alhamdulillah aq msuk awal ni aq blh blaja,
blh try adapt dgn campus life..
sbb, klu lps ni dpt result ke ap,
aq nk kluar pegi mne2 insyaAllah blh adapt sbb aq dh biasa dduk u,
dh prnah jauh dri family..
xdela homesick sgt en..

and nak cerita alang2 dh msuk psl u ni..
dlm duk jauh2 dri family ni en..
kdg2 aq homesick la gak..
frust ke stress ke..
nama pn dduk u kan..
tp memikirkan yg dorg tu jauh,
klu aq cite pn depa xleh tlg malah menambahkan lg beban depa nk risau psl aq..
so either way pn aq kna face jgak bnda2 tu smua..

n aq rse so far ni aq survive dduk u pn sbb mentaliti tu..
ble pke yg one way or another pun aq kena face problem tu,
xleh lari, x leh nk mnx tlg ngn family mcm dlu,
jd papehal pun..
ble stress then nanges ke ap en,
nnt last2 aq akn rse mcm hmm dhla nangesnya, x selesai pn masalah,
time to get back to the real life..
then fokus blk nk selesaikan masalah tu..

klu dlu aq mgkin byk cara utk escape problem,
tp skrg x dh..
slow2 blaja brdikari skit2..

kadang2 aq rindu gak nk gedik2 ke cengeng ke en..
demand itu ini ngn org..
tp aq sedarla.. dh besar, xleh stay dgn perangai lme..
nnt x leh survive hidup ni..
kalau dlu aq mmg.
demand pape pn..
xleh tu xleh ni..
org2 sekeliling aq pn layan je..
depa smua baik2..
aq rse bahagia gila hidup dipenuhi kasih sayang.. kui kui
tp skrg ni aq dh blaja la x mnyusahkan org..
mse aq bru msuk u pn adik aq pesan..
u need to grow up, dh besar, org lain ad hal masing2, blaja jgn susahkan org..
n mse aq dgr tu sentapla sket en..
yela adik mmg lg matured dri kakak..
tp ble pke2.. betul ap yg dia cakap..
then aq pn seboleh-bolehnya mengelakkan diri dri menyusahkan org..
kdg2 aq jln sorg2 ke ape en,
bkn sbb aq xde kwn ke ap,
tp aq xnak menyusahkan dorg, nk sruh dorg tggu aq ke ap..
sbb aq ni mmg pape slalu slow..
so aq rse better la aq pegi je sorg2..
lambat pn x mnyusahkan org..
ha.. cmtulah..

n alhamdulillah skrg ni aq rse mcm dh stable skit n blh adapt la skit2 dgn my new life..
then aq pn x sgka,
Allah tu Maha Mengasihani,
Dia x biar aq sorg2 lps jat pegi..
aq jmpe kwn2 baru..
7 org plak tu..
yg masing2 unique n special in their own way..
then ad ajean yg slalu tlg mcm2..
aq rse bersyukur sgt..
oyeah not to forget,
group english drama aq yg class..
smgt je training meeting smua..
so far so good la kiranya..alhamdulillah...

btw smpi sini dlu kut post kli ni, aq pun dh rse berdebar gila nk amik result.. pls doakan yg trbaik utk smua spm candidates 2013, n pape pun kwn2 aq nk stay kt utp.. so aq pn mgkin stay mgkin kluar.. idk yet.. doakan jugak aq dpt buat kputusan yg trbaik :)

sharing is caring - spread the love~

bismillah..
smlm smart group en, kitorg bncg psl hadis ni,

Diriwayatkan dari Amir al-Mukminin (pemimpin kaum beriman) Abu Hafsh Umar bin al-Khattab radhiyallahu’anhu beliau mengatakan : Aku mendengar Rasulullahshallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda, “Sesungguhnya setiap amalan harus disertai dengan niat. Setiap orang hanya akan mendapatkan balasan tergantung pada niatnya. Barangsiapa yang hijrah karena cinta kepada Allah dan Rasul-Nya maka hijrahnya akan sampai kepada Allah dan Rasul-Nya. Barangsiapa yang hijrahnya karena menginginkan perkara dunia atau karena wanita yang ingin dinikahinya, maka hijrahnya (hanya) mendapatkan apa yang dia inginkan.”

aq yakin mostly kita mmg familiar sgt dgn hadis ni, tp sejauh mne kita mghayati mesej yg dibawa oleh hadis ni? tepuk dada tanya iman 

but anyway, sekadar nk berkongsi apa yg aq dpt dri hadis ni,

1st of all, kita akan dibalas ganjaran seperti mana yg kita niatkan..
contohnya, dlm hadis ni sendiri.. hadis ni diturunkan masa peristiwa rasulullah berhijrah ke madinah.. dalam ramai2 orang yang nak berhijrah tu, ada seorang pemuda ni, dia nak kahwin dgn perempuan ni tapi, perempuan tu nk ikut rombongan rasulullah yang berhijrah ke madinah.. so, disebabkan si pemuda ni nk kahwin dgn perempuan ni, dia pun ikutla rombongan tu.. sampai di madinah, dia dapat kahwin dgn perempuan tu.. tapi, disebabkan niat dia berhijrah tu bukan kerana Allah, jadi apa yg dia dpt hanyalah yg dia niatkan.. dia dpt kahwin dgn perempuan tu tapi dia x dpt pahala berhijrah kerana Allah..

so conclusionnya, apa2 yang kita buat, amalan kita tu akan dinilai mengikut niat kita..
kalau kita niat kerana Allah, kita akan dapat ganjaran drpd Allah..
n btw bila kita buat apa2 n kita niat kerana Allah, insyaAllah segala kerja yg susah tu terasa ringan je, sebab, kita rasa seronok buat benda tu untuk mendapat keredhaan Allah bukan untuk satisfy kan manusia/ dapat harta, jawatan, pangkat dan sebagainya

2nd, kita jgn judge orang..
sbb. kita xkan tahu niat seseorg tu buat something..
urusan niat itu hanya antara si fulan dgn Allah..
even malaikat pn, dorg catit je ap yg kita buat di setiap detik dan saat tanpa tahu pn apa niat yg trlintas kat hati kita masa buat bnda tu..
because again, niat itu urusan Allah..
setiap amalan yg kita buat tu, sejauh mana tahap keikhlasannya, sebanyak mana pahala yg kita akan dpt, itu semua urusan Allah..
jadi kalau kita nampak orang tu buat baik, jangan terus judge dia ni nak menunjuk2 or fake ke..
sebab, niat dia xde sape tahu..
sapelah kita utk judge manusia lain kan..
biarlah apa yg dia buat tu, amalan dia dinilai oleh Allah Yang Maha Adil..

3rd, niat x menghalalkan cara..
walaupun topik ni macam x berkaitan dengan hadis kat atas,
tapi bila sebut pasal niat ni aq tiba2 teringat pasal benda ni..
kadang2 kita terbiasa nak buat something tu, kita ikut niat kita tanpa fikir pn whether benda tu seiring x dgn syariat..
sedangkan, sebaik mana pun niat kita tu, kalau x kena dgn syariat islam, tetap akan salah..
contohnya, plg simple la.. kita nak tlg org miskin, tapi kita xde harta nk bagi, jadi kita pn mencuri utk tlg org miskin tu..
niat kita baik, nak tlg orang yg miskin..
tapi cara kita tu salah.. kita dah menganiaya org lain n di masa yg sama kita bagi benda yg haram pulak dkt org yg miskin td untuk diguna dan sebagainya..

jadi, sebelum buat apa2, kita kena tajdid niat and fikir dulu, jgn main terus buat je.. apelah guna manusia yg dikurniakan akal kalau bukan utk berfikir.. kan? 

so itu ringkasnya ap yg aq dpt simpulkan from hadis smlm.. byk lagi kupasan dia sbnrnya.. apa2 pun mohon betulkan kalau ad apa2 yg trsalah..

thx to: akk Nurul Afiqah Noorrezhan Aisyah Fakeh Maya Najwa MardhatiNadzirah Khairuddin hazirah, kak leya n room mate kak afiqah utk perbincangan yg menrik smlm..

wallahu a'lam 

exactly.

why

i wanna ask u straight away..

y?

y did u choose to leave?

did u know that even if it's just a normal morning conversation,

it means something,

it changes my day..

i dunno how to spill and say this before..

cuz it feels pathetic

and i feel that i've became weaker day by day seeing u being there but distancing urself away.

it poisoned me.

our conversations,

eventho it seems useless but it is somehow meaningful.

knowing that there's gonna be an advice for me every morning is a thing that i cherish a lot.

somehow.

u just left.

u chose to.

idk y.

idk how.

idk wht i 've done.

but u choose to leave.

i think the key is to not look at people

eden - the other way round

sometimes,
u've reached to a point,
when u don't know where to look at,
or to whom ur going to hold on to,
it's like u've lost all the reasons that u used to believe in..

i'm adapting to changes,
and to people..
and it's tough..
and i feel like quitting..

but even though i don't have anywhere to look at,
or someone that i can hold on to,
or probably a friend to share my green and gray day..
i still need to try..
because out there,
there are people who believe in me..
there are people who want to know that i'm all right..
and i cannot disappoint them..
their sadness is my grief too..
because i love them that much..

i think,
at this level,
it's okay to break down,
it's okay to let the tears out,
it's okay to be all unhappy and sad..
because i've already hit the breaking point and i supposed to break..
but let it just be a pause,
where i become all messed up but in the end things will be okay..
let it be that way..
because i just cannot expect more from life

whatev

so, it's been almost 2 months as i ventured into the university life..
and, idk..
i miss blogging that badly but it just that i cannot and i don't know what to write..
there are too many things happened that when i wanted to write it out,
it feels like as if i'm speechless when i wanna talk..
cuz there's too many things..
and yep, probably because now i'm used to staying alone and not talking to people that much like i used to do..
i never thought about it until ajean told me that if we stay alone, our communication skills will probably deteriorate..
and that scares me, out of all this thing is this world, why. my. communication. skills.
i will spend my life as a loner and feel frustrated, depressed all by myself if i don't have a good communication skills..
and i never want it to happen..
i always, always if i have a bad time, talk to someone,
or my friends or my sis..
i just need to talk and everything feels fine..
also when i'm happy or overexcited, i will talk to someone..
like i love being expressive and let others know what i feel..
i mean share everything..
but now, since like it's a new environment,
and i'm staying alone..
i cannot like suddenly change the weather..
or,
i do tell someone but they won't understand it as much as my friends do..
they'll be like oh.. yeah.. and idk responses that hmm..

to be honest,
i miss my girls badly..
and i do call some of them daily when i walk to my class,
but there're so many things and when i'm walking, i cannot tell them about private matters/gossiping and it's just not fun..
cuz i prefer calling them in my room and chat all day long but maxis is just being maxis and the coverage is bad..
so yeah..

byk benda kena pendam..
and sometimes i just wish that there will be at least one of them here with me,
so i can walk, eat and share stories with them all day long..
it will be totally fun..

hmmm

tp ape pun, ade hikmah gak aq sorg2...
i get to know new people..
well to be exact, awesome people..
the pantai timur girls..
they are really funny, and baik sgt..
i was touched..
x sgka akn jmpe kwn2 mcm ni..
happening je depa smua...
sgt helpful and positive thinking..

oh n btw, bdk2 plkn nk blk dh..
aq x saba gle nk jmpe dorg..
everybody's like, i have a LOADS of storiessss
and i'm like me toooooooooooooooo
and td ckp ngn fizah pn she's like, kau msti pendam sorg2 kan skrg..
aq xyah ckp pn dorg dh fhm.. ni lah besties..
tp pape pun,
i'm looking forward for our meet up!
giler rindu kut dgn kwn2 skolah..
hmm life would change like forever for all of us..
so i just wanna cease a moment just for our last memory together...

p/s: i feel boring writing this post cuz i'm just not as expressive as before but yeah

ntahlah..