life isn't half as bad. that's what i feel right now. few seconds ago, i was on my phone, ranting about life, how unhappy i am and how stressful i was. and now here i am, saying that life isn't half as bad. girls huh? it's complicated.
anyhow, i do feel empty sometimes because my used-to-be sheer joy, pure luck and happiness aren't with me right now. i mean, life during asasi is amazing like h amazing, but then now it's different. sometimes i told myself, hey, just because it's different, doesn't mean it's not good. but when i met them (my squad utama during asasi) yesterday, k13 roommates and few classmates, you can't even tell how nostalgic it was and how elated i was in that few minutes that we spent together. i said it spontaneously, eh aq rasa happyla kita dpt kmpul camni. and i meant it. but after it was over, i suddenly realized that everything turned to be different now.
No Nik, No Sopeh, No Hazirah, No Syasya, No my 'anak2', No everybody that i love so much and looked forward to see everyday when i was in asasi. and i went back home (missing the GOOD old times) and unfortunately, there was a problem with my scholarship and i felt so worried like this just made the whole thing appeared so ugly at the same time. and i started to look at our old pictures and memories, the moment we sang together, it brought up so many feels. and suddenly i had so much hatred in me. like why this? why must things change when it has been so good??
and all those imperfections in degree life hit me one by one. suddenly semua benda rasa x kena. i feel so mad, so bad, so sad.
but then i thought about everything so far in my degree life, putting away those crappy stuffs like my college or people that i dislike for their irresponsibilities. I thought that hey munierah, you know what? your life isn't half as bad. you see, what are you doing right now? you're learning mathematics. LIKE PURELY MATHEMATICS. Things that you love so much. And you always said that if math is a human, you would definitely marry math. so then what's the big deal? and i remembered the moments i sat in class, learning calculus and algebra, and i tell you, i can't be distracted by anything except sandwiches and pizzas when it's already 1 hour and 30 mins. I love learning math and i'm learning it now. that's 1!
and then, i have azi, qadar, shy, ecah, acap, ara to help me study now. they have been very helpful and i couldn't thank them more. i even have a study group now! my focus on life has finally shifted to my study other than having fun and shopping. (YAY)
and i also finally get a 'kawan kepit'. i never like has a kawan kepit before. kawan kepit is like just sorang kawan yg brkepit je dgn kita utk pergi mana2. selalunya i'm in a gang. dari skolah smpai asasi i always has a gang cus ain't it fun kecoh2 bersama? tapi degree ni, i feel okaylah i was blessed with a kawan kepit that can teman me anywhere, makan sesama, masuk kelas sesama. so i'm happy.
and the best part wasss i tersalah tengok due date assignment. i thought it is tomorrow but rupanya two more weeks :') THIS is probably the best thing so far hahahahah.
so enough with all those rants. life has been wonderful. my hormones are the one which are getting screwed up (probably because i've gained some weight again and i'm unhappy about it heh) but anyhow, my life okay sebenarnya. i mean, of course there are some bumpy roads along the ride, but if i keep driving, it will just be fine. it isn't half as bad you see?
so i'm gonna balik kolej happily tonight herherher
[most of these pictures aren't related to my feelings right now, but i came across it and i think it's beautiful so i feel like sharing so here you go :) ]