Thursday, February 28, 2013


it's the twist in a straight road..
you will found a dead end thanks to darkness..
whether to return blindly or to remain unconcious..
you picked.
both might not be in your favor but the journey still continues..
in a long highway with you, yourself alone. and maybe a dim street light

foot: a person who doesn't appreciate a pair of wings shall faced broken wings


I got involved in too many relationships lately. I don't know how.. i just did.

1) The LOVE-HATE relationship
2) The Confusing relationship :O
3) The-Not-SO-related-relationship
4) The-I-Dunno-WHAT-You-R-Thinking-relationship
5) The GOOD relationship :)


Tuesday, February 26, 2013


1) i was hurt
2) i hate you
3) whether i shld disturb one's life for my own good
4) to be offensive or not
5) to stay or leave

Friday, February 22, 2013


of all the wishes that i'm dreaming, i have one.. that i deadly want to achieve during my short life.. despite of my desire to become a good muslim and succeed in the afterlife, i also want to become an outstanding speaker.. i had said once in front of my whole classmates tht my ambition is to become an outstanding debater.. well now, maybe it's not just a debater but a good speaker.. i decided on that moment that my career in the future can vary.. for income, well. maybe a children psychologist or forensic scientist.. for passion, i want to become a cook.. not for people, but for my family cuz i love cooking and in the same time it is not my major profession so i can do both.. my passion n income.. i mean it's not that if i become an official cook i can't get good incomes.. it's just that i want to explore too many things so i decided to keep the basic chores basic, and discover the other side of the world.. and one more thing. specialty. i want to be special in giving speech. i want to attract people with my words. i want to explain things until a fool can understand. because the thing is, i love talking. the more i talk, the more annoy/boring ppl get.. *they never told me tht but my speech was never satisfying enough for me.. i think that is typical.. long speech makes ppl boring.. but i want some magic.. i want to be somebody who people would listen to even if i give a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG speech.. because when i speak, i have something to tell or share and it feels good when people can understand and learn from my speech.. or ponder at least or we call it muhasabah..

i don't know why but sharing feels good to me.. but not husband of course xD

so that's basically what i dream of.. i hope you will achieve your dream too :P

p/s: hey you, i saw an orion tonight.. thought you might be interested in this since you haven't seen many stars in your life ;) n btw.. finally i have moved on ^^ thx

Sunday, February 17, 2013


just now,back from the camp, i was extremely exhausted so i fell asleep.. then my third sis came to my room.. she was going back to hostel and she said, oh dah tidur dah she was closing the door back i opened my eyes and look at her n she said, byee nak balik asrama dah.. it was not in a happy tone nor sad tone.. it's in between like she doesn't want to go.. but she had to.. i dunno but i felt so tired so i just waved her from my bed.. i wanted to talk to her, reach her, shake her hands and hug her before she goes but i can't.. i can't even wake up from my bed and i was barely opening my eyes because i was too exhausted and i needed a rest.. i felt sad because she had a one week holiday but we dont spent much time together other than watching drama, because me n syakirah needed to go to school.. and then both of us went to camp on saturday n sunday.. we didn't eat and laugh together a lot like we used to be on holiday last year.. she also needs to finish her work so the time we had together was very little for a CNY holiday, i supposed..even this parting felt terribly horrible to me, i wonder how my future is going to be like.. i don't want to part even only for some days with my family because the clock is ticking and i want every moment that i have was spent with my family.. i will miss them even for a second if i don't have them beside me

yang diberi, itulah yang diterima

dalam hidup, setiap perkara sentiasa berkait antara satu sama lain.
walaupun cuma dengan menarik nafas selama satu saat, sel2x kita dapat merasai nikmat oksigen..
walaupun cuma dengan tersenyum, kita dapat melegakan hati yang gundah gelisah.. :)

oleh itu,
untuk memastikan apa2x yang kita lakukan tu bermakna atau berjaya,
maka kita memerlukan sesuatu yang digelar 'usaha'
simple je cik usaha ni..
kalau kita nak, insyaAllah dia ada.. tapi kalau kita tak nak,
buatlah macam mana pun memang takkan dapat..

dia tak sombong cuma dia berharga :)

jadi bila kita inginkan sesuatu dan meletakkan target/aim yang tertentu,
maka perkara tersebut haruslah selari dengan usaha agar target/aim itu dapat dicapai..

ana ambil satu analogi,
antum nak masak nasi briyani..
tapi antum rasa macam leceh nak rendam nasi tu dengan perwarna dan sebagainya..
jadi antum tanak je nasi tu macam nasi putih,
asal ada ayam, papadom, acar, cukuplah...
jadi apa yang antum dapat?
nasi putih dan lauk nasi briyani kan? x perfect macam yang antum inginkan..
semuanya bukan salah nasi, bukan salah ibu mengandung tapi bergantung atas tekad antum untuk mendapatkan sesuatu hasil..

jadi sekiranya kita ingin mendapat yang terbaik dalam study,
kita kenalah usaha sehabis baik..
usaha kita pulak kenalah kreatif mengikut kemampuan dan kelebihan masing2x..
kalau yang pakar menghafal tu, maka mengahafallah dari sekarang..
kalau yang hafal x masuk, maka buatlah latihan dari sekarang..
kalau yang memang faham bulat2x apa yang cikgu ajar, bolehlah buat latihan tambahan kalau rajin atau beriadah untuk minda yang lebih cerdas..
tak semua orang mampu melakukan benda yang sama..
tak semua orang bakal mencapai output yang sama hanya dengan melalui 'jalan' yang sama..

sama jugak dengan ibadah..
andai kita ingin mencapai halwatul-iman..
andai kita ingin diredhai Allah..
kita kena usaha, usaha dan usaha..
lagi banyak kita usaha, lagi besarlah hasilnya..
seperti anak pokok yang ditanam, lagi banyak kita tanam, lagi banyak yang tumbuh, lagi banyak hasil dapat dituai..

ringkasnya apa yang antum beri, yang tu jugalah antum akan dapat..
buruk baik hasilnya terletak di tangan antum sendiri..
tinggal pilih je nak ke tak nak

wassalam :)

asif andai ada sebarang kekurangan, yang khilaf masih belajar.. teguran dialu-alukan ^^

Friday, February 15, 2013

it's a test

god i miss twitter like crazy!! but i know tht i need to be istiqamah n continue what i have proposed for myself this year.. i dont want my life to be only abt twitter.. it has to be more and im going to search for that (Y)

Thursday, February 14, 2013

pretty people - i think everybody is pretty in a different way :)

so imagine this. if the world is black and white in colour, wht wld you feel? everything is black and white like a black and white movie.. there is no pink or purple or pretty blue sea.. the sea is black and the foam is white.. what would you feel? to me its boring.. living a life with only two choice is boring. imagine this if u are a girl,you need to be feminine and sensitive and if you are a boy, you need to be masculine and you cannot cry,plus, you need to have muscles.. isn't it boring? everybody looks the same and to me it's freaking spooky

the thing is, God had created us with beautiful personalities.. each and every person is different from each other and that makes everybody is unique! MashaAllah! and each of us,we have something to be proud of or let say to be used for good. each of us, boy or girl, adult or child, can be a part of a good thing. The nature of a person makes him/her beautiful in a different way. Let say if you think you are not good-looking (which i think is not true cuz i find everybody pretty/handsome) and you don't get much attention from people but you have the talent in singing.. you can sing better than Miss World or those hot guys.. You can hypnotize people with your unique voice.. Then use it.. because that is ur specialities... You are talented in singing. They don't! Y.O.U are special.. so be proud with it and cherish your talent.. i give you an example: PINK -omagosh i love her voice like crazy! it makes me want to cry even by listening to it.. eventho at first,ppl said tht pink is not pretty and she won't go further in entertainment business, she believe that she can do it and turn a deaf ear to what people said.. and now, she has proven to everybody that she can be more famous than pretty beyonce and her voice itself is a miracle that you can't find anybody to replace her. she has proven to everybody that what people said about her is wrong. they are false judges.. BUT you, you are the only person on the earth that knows yourself well.. you are the one who determined how your life is going to look like.. you are THE JUDGE! and remember this, your determination is the key to excellence.. not her pretty face, not his brilliant mind, not his cool jersey..  so in order to excel in life, you need to cherish what you have,what God gave you to live with and stop listening to what people say.. they are not that good to judge you.. just  be confident and trust yourself

oyeah btw i found tht this blog is extremely interesting so maybe you can have a look at it cuz i love it :D

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


it's hard to resist the temptation to tweet or at least rd ur timeline but i bliv thts the best fr the time being.. twitter is a distraction and to avoid tht i need to put it aside.. there are so many things that i can do if i don't tweet.. so i hve decided to blog instead of tweeting because blogging gives you a good writing skills if you practice often and also it doesn't has interactions tht makes you want to stick to it the whole time.. soyeah blogger ftw!! i hve also installed blogger for android so i can blog from my phone! (Y) :D btw this is my first post from phone ~(^o^)~

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

i can do this

hey, i want to be a great person but there r things tht stop me to be one. so these are the 10 things that i want to DO NOW for a better life :)

1. Move on over you
2. Leave twitter alone
3. Practise things instead of talking, action speaks louder than words
4. Live a healthy lifestyle
5. Do things straight away
6. Be a stronger person
7. Be independent
8. Promise that i will give my best in everything
9. Accept challenges
10. Stand up for the right things

- Because i know i can do THIS -

akan ku genggam erat tanganmu

tahun lepas ana jumpa saadah..
seronok.. ana dapat adik2x usrah yang ana sayanggg sgt2x..
ana nak kekal jadi naqibah diorang..
ana x nak berpisah dengan diorg..
kalau boleh nak genggam erat tangan diorang sampai ke syurga (andai ana layak)
tapi ana x fikir jauh..


hebat sahabat ana ini mengupas makna sebenar 'usrah'
usrah bukanlah program sekali seminggu atau program wajib balik lambat..
usrah adalah suatu tali ghaib lagi ajaib..
yang menghubungkan hati2x untuk bersatu..
meskipun jauh tapi ikatan masih terasa..
meskipun hanya sekali seminggu tapi kerinduan sentiasa mencengkam jiwa..
kita takkan terpisah.
kalau semua orang pegang dan genggam tangan satu sama lain..
kalau dia jatuh, ana tarik.
ana jatuh, dia tarik.

ana lemas, dia selamatkan.
dia lemas, ana selamatkan.

nampak tak ironinya?
usrah = saling melengkapi satu sama lain..
dia kurang, ana cukupkan..
ana kurang, dia cukupkan..

begitulah indahnya usrah, semuanya akan jadi sempurna..
memang. islam itu sempurna..
tipu kalau orang kata takde benda yang sempurna..
tengok islam. islam bukan bersifat individualistik tapi berkemasyarakatan secara keseluruhannya.
islam tak suruh kita jaga tepi kain sendiri,
islam suruh kita sama2x concern dan prihatin dengan satu sama lain..
memang apabila yang kurang itu ditampung, maka sempurnalah semuanya..
tiada lompang mahupun lubang.
perfect. islam is perfect. i tell you this is perfection.

dan saadah mengingatkan ana..
usrah bukanlah hari khamis sahaja.. bukanlah tahun 2012 sahaja..
usrah untuk semua, bila2x masa dan di mana jua..
kita kan kelompok islam yang bersaudara.. pendek kata famili laaaah :D

kalaupun adik2x ana bukan usrah ana dah tahun ni.. (as we say secara hitam putihnya)
x salah ana nak jenguk diorg..
x salah ana nak ambil berat fasal diorg..
and most importantly x salah ana nak bimbing diorg..

and saadah cabar ana untuk membuktikan pada diri ana sendiri yang usrah ana ini sebenarnya mantap.. macam mana?
tengok, kita tengok sejauh mana keikhlasan kita berukhuwah bila kita dah terpisah..
masa tu barulah terasa penangan nya..
masa tu barulah terasa ujiannya..

usrah yang sebenar akan TERUJI hanya apabila kita berpisah..
masa tu baru tahu KUAT tak tali ajaib ini?
longgar tak IKATAN yang kita dah bina selama ni?
then only the real challenge is revealed.

Monday, February 11, 2013

if one day

one day.
i want to be a grown up.
i don't like it. but i think i have to.
i can't be a dependent person 24/7
i'm a khalifah and i have duty to be made.
and khalifah itself means leader. leader is somebody who doesn't rely on other's shoulder.
sooner or later..
i need to.

i am still searching myself..
like today i'm like this,
tomorrow i'm different.
i wish life is as simple as ABC
then i can learn it easily.
but it's different.
each action produces effects and give impacts to people.
and it will continue on and on like a rolling wheel.

i have one thing that i want to preserve and maintain
it's my iman.
i want to put Him first.
but sometimes i forgot.
sometimes i just can't help it.

i want to be myself..
i want to be a good person..
but i just can't have both..
i want to isolate myself from boys..
and be totally strict against ikhtilat n all..
but i can't
cuz everything has pros and cons..
and in order to achieve something, sometimes you just need to do it..
legally i mean..

to get new knowledge and share thoughts which is not illegal but.
it makes me feel different than being myself..

i used to hate that..
but now i'm used to it which makes me feel different..

and to be honest,
i feel peace when boys are not around.
i feel peace when life is harmony..
when boys are not around, life feels more meaningful..

it's not that i want boys to vanish from this world..
i just want to become myself more

because i need my sis? :D

what is this?
so last year hasanah,my sis n i joined this intraschool-debating championship and to make it short, we made it to the final..
and to be frank, we never expected that to happen nor that we'll win all rounds and we'll make it to the finals since it was the first time the three of us joined debate.. but we have good chemistry though.. so Alhamdulillah, we became finalists and we also won every round including the round when we won against skyhawk (iqbal's team) which was adj by fattah that time (now he's in jordan).. and skyhawk also made it to the final.. oh we're zephyr btw.. i was a lil bit nervous yet quite confident to win the final coz we've beaten them before and we got help from from people well, mostly fattah since he's an expert about syria :D
and we suddenly lost and i was quite disappointed since we already won each and every round previously and most importantly we already won against them.. and why? do we lost in the final.. T_T

i am the not-so-logical human being that cry for unreasonable reasons cried..
and after that iqbal's team became my number one enemy especially iqbal.. coz i hate him :P
and alhamdulillah i was selected to join maahad's team (kak ulfah and kak laila) for iium-idc last year and kimi couldn't join them so they replaced him with hakim (form 2 last year) but unfortunately he couldn't make it at the eleventh hour.. and we already booked a room for a boy.. kimi couldn't go.. who else who knew how to debate, and good at it to be escorted at this critical hour? and it must be a boy.. so we sat in that room and thought.. and kak.ulfah told me that she had discussed with kak laila and asked iqbal to join us..

the moment i heard that news, i was in total shock and quite mad actually.. so i ran out, went to some place in school for privacy.. meh i'm so lame to create such drama hahah.. and i cried.. when i felt calm, i went back to the room and said to kak.ulfah.. i don't want to go, let my sister replace me coz she's way better than me.. and kak ulfah looked at me and asked why? i said if iqbal is going, then i won't... kak ulfah told me that my sis will join us as an observer so i'm quite happy with that therefore,i decided to pretend that iqbal was not in the team.. i am evil rite? so, that evening, before training, i saw iqbal and he asked me where would the training be held and i said i don't know (i think i didn't say anything i just angkat bahu je) and iqbal was like: kau jangan nak sombong sgt ngan aq boleh x? (or something similar to that) and i pretended like nothing happened and left him.. but then kak ulfah came and asked where's iqbal.. i felt guilty but i can't help the feeling of total-enemy-mode whenever i saw him.. and somebody found him and he joined us that day.. kak ulfah and kak laila were really grateful that he was willing to join us and thanked him.. they asked whether he was okay or not.. then he said: tak aku okay je tapi dia ni ha..(pointing at me) and i was like hoiii napelaaa tunjuk aku pulakkk hais..(berdesis di dalam hati).. then syakirah came out with this BRILLIANT SUPERB IDEA which i rejected whole-heartedly... "akak, kita kena letak diorg satu team supaya diorang biasa.. tgokla skrg dh gaduh, kat uia nanti macam mna?" and i said NOOOO but kak ulfah put us in the same team for a debate and i think we teamed up with atiqah.. and.... i didn't talk to iqbal.. hahah i only talked to atiqah.. and iqbal was like seriously?? nak cakap apa?? and i was like kau kan pandai.. buat sendiri.. lolz.. and kak ulfah came to check on us but we were still not communicating.. after that i couldn't remember what exactly happened but we went to uia.. turun bas, my bag was kinda heavy and there were boys taking their bags under the bus so i couldn't approach my bag.. so iqbal pun keluarkan beg2x yang tinggal dalam tu including mine and to be frank i hated it.. like why you? but i didn't exactly say that out loud heheh.. i still didn't talk to him.. i wonder how did he feel having such a kurang-ajar junior like me in his team.. but he's cool.. buat macam x tau je.. if i became him i would be hurt.. huhu i didn't even know why i acted like that towards him, what i knew is, i hated him so much (at that time)

so we're in a team.. and it's a competition!!! i mean like a serious one.. so i talked to him, gave advice during prep although now i realized that he's much way better than me lolzz.. then we did talked and i felt that he was actually not that bad and in fact, despite all those bad behaviors that i had shown, i can tell that he didn't care or act like he didn't care coz what i can see is he didn't care.. so yeah..

then since in the team, only the two of us were newbies, i mean kak ulfah and kak laila have been debating for years but us, baru this year.. so both of us got like lots of new input and i found that it funny when both of us argued and tried our best to use our 'new knowledge' to find out who was better.. and the most famous one is the "TANGIBLE".. iqbal loved to question the opponent's tangibility.. and i did that a lot too.. unfortunately during our friendlies iqbal POI-ed me and asked how can we say that children can gain parents love cuz it's not tangible?(or lebih kurang mcm tu lah) that moment i felt like throwing my pencil box to him and i said ---------------------- and THAT'S how we make it tangible!! THIS.IS.  TANGIBLE!!! hahah i was so immature.. but then after that, iqbal gained my respect cuz even though i gave him my cold shoulder, he was still kind towards me.. and also, being in all the rounds with him, i realized that he is a really really brilliant debater like the idea datang sekejap gila like petik jari dua kali not like me.. i berfikir lambat but he thinks fast.. so yeah iqbal you've gained my respect :D but still i felt and treated him like he's sebaya je cuz first, we don't have much height difference.. heheh and second, maybe because he treated us like his sister (i heard that he's the only boy in his siblings and he's the eldest) so kiranya mcm matured sikit and dh biasa dgn kerenah perempuan kut..alhamdulillah i had a great time teaming up with kak ulfah, kak laila and bal..and my sister of course to edit this post and accompany us (more like accompanying me) (Y)

listen okay.. listen!

oh god i want crunchieee

what's up fakhry?

guys,so this is our plan.. you go here, you do this.. got it?

we have to question the tangibility! okay?

and i thought i asked you to watch the time iqbal

black riderssss

with akak usher n im fat lolzz

before i forgot,(i shld add this yesterday lol)
iqbal, i'm sorry for all those bad behaviors.. you are a very kindhearted senior and keep that easygoing personality, i wish you all the best in your life and keep your faith in Allah.. oh oh lastly, you have to join debate in uni tau! it's compulsory for people who are gifted in debate like you :D

kak ulfah,
thanks for everything.. i am sorry for my childish behavior that you need to deal with every time.. you should know that your critical mind is very precious and i know that you're going to be a successful debater in the future..and don't stop joking cuz whatever you did will cherish others' day :)

kak laila,
heyy i miss you.. i hope you will remain stylish and feminine heheh.. thanks for all the support.. i learnt so much from you, you will never say never in anything.. you will always fight till the end of the WORLDDD hahah.. please know that your courage inspire all.. keep that along your journey and have a great life with great people along your side.. i know that one day, you are going to be a great person just like me muahahaha.. eh eh plus, thanks for joining kadet bomba for kawad thn lepas tau ^_^

so thanks guys :)

p/s: i'm learning how to grow... mentally.. or not.. i still want to be a kid but growing up is vital :D

read my sis:


to begin with,
i want some space with you all..
i wish somehow there's a place for me there..
even if it's a teeny tiny space,
i'll be grateful enough..
just as long as you can accept me..

is great to know all of you.
so much with all of you.
when things are unbalance in this __ship

maybe this is meant for you who's reading.
or maybe not.
just saying.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

what life am i living in?

"Sesungguhnya hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati-hati itu akan menjadi tenang"

ana rasa bersalah..
kadang-kadang rasa sesak.. lelah.. penat..
ana rasa macam terkapai-kapai..
dalam hidup ana, ana tak nafikan
memang Allah dan amalan ana tu terasing..
ana memang cuba.. ana nak kalau boleh ana dapat kekuatan sebagai seorang muslim tu..
tapi susah..
ana nak ikhlas dalam semua perkara kerana Allah..
tapi ana masih tak boleh..
kadang2x ana lupa Allah.. sedetik,
dan bila ana lupa, ana rasa menyesal..
macam rasa lain bila kita lakukan sesuatu bukan kerana Allah..
tak puas rasanya..
bila kita nak tegur orang pun serba salah..
sebab rasa takut dalam hati..
kalaulah ana yakin dengan Rabbul Izzati ini..
tiada apa yang akan menghalang ana..
ana akan yakin untuk berhujah menegur kerana takutkan Allah bukannya manusia..
tapi ana masih belum capai halwatul-iman yang ana sedang cari..

jujur ana katakan..
hidup tanpa Allah ibarat tenggelam tanpa pelampung..
tangan ingin mencapai,
tetapi masih terkapai-kapai,
mata tak boleh melihat,
suara tersekat-sekat..

semua serba tak kena..
semua serba tak selesa..

hidup ana kosong..
jauh hanyut..

ana nak cuba,
ana nak tanamkan rasa cinta tu dalam hati..
ana nak cuba jugak mencintai Allah seikhlas hati,
daripada cinta pada manusia yang serba dhoif,
lebih baik ana cinta pada Yang Maha Kaya..
Dia sentiasa ada untuk ana..
manusia sekejap kemudian hilang entah ke mana..
i watch people come and go, but He never leaves.

ana rasa bersyukur..
ana dapat nikmat mengenal Allah..
tapi ana rasa rugi..
sebab belum betul2x menghargai nikmat tersebut..

ana rindu kekasih ana..
lama ana tinggalkan Dia..
Dia x pernah lupakan ana..
saban hari sentiasa ada untuk ana..
anytime.. masa ana lupakan dia,
masa ana cintakan manusia,
masa ana derhaka,
masa ana cinta dunia,
namakan semuanya..
tapi Dia tak pernah berganjak..
andai saat itu juga ana kembali padaNya,
Dia terima.. sentiasa..

ana rasa rugi ana x sedar semua ni..
ana rasa macam susah nak sedar kehadiran Dia..
sebab ana jarang baca 'love letter' kirimanNya..
ana rasa susah nak berpaksikan Dia dalam segalanya..
sebab ana tak peruntukkan masa untuk Dia..
untuk memahami Dia,
untuk mengenang betapa agungnya Dia..
dan hakikat ana sebagai seorang hamba..
rugi.. ana rugi..
ana nak jadi hamba yang baik,
ana nak dengar dan patuh apa yang Dia suruh..
hanya dengan mengingati Allah dalam setiap perkaralah hati-hati manusia akan menjadi tenang..

ana tahu ana masih muda,
masih perlu meneroka dunia,
tapi semua itu sia2x,
jika akhirnya di neraka jua..

maafkan ana,
ana leka dan lalai..

setiap hari Kau hadiahkan segala permintaanku,
setiap hari Kau hadiahkan kehidupan yang terbaik untukku,
setiap hari Kau hadiahkan pelbagai pelajaran untukku,
setiap hari Kau sentiasa mengingatkanku,

tapi aku lupa.. aku alpa..
ampunkan aku..

Kaulah kekasih agung..
maaf kerana aku melupakanMu..
maaf aku abaikanMu..
maaf kerana aku tidak menjadi kekasihMu yang baik..
sedang aku hina dan tak mampu digelar kekasihMu sekalipun..

maafkan aku dan terima kasih buat hadiah-hadiah kirimanMu setiap hari Ya Allah...