Friday, January 23, 2015


I love them all.
If i can, i wanna wrap them in my burrito n bring them anywhere.
I want to have them, i mean us, together all the time.
Because i like it.
I like how different everybody is, that it makes a perfect family.
I love them in a burrito.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

life worries

i think, the scariest part of growing up is when you realize that you're not in school anymore and whenever you go there, things have become so much difference and you saw people growing up and new people coming in. it's too much feel to put in words. it's scary.

i never realize that time moves too fast until this happened and tomorrow i'm going to continue my last semester for foundation and after that, we'll be apart. i might not see naz syam n razeen come late to class anymore, i might not hate and argue with syam often. i might not get annoyed with nik and always nag her to accompany me whenever i wanna go somewhere. i might not even scream when syasya is being cute because i'm against it and i might also miss my conversations with copeh which truly fun and entertaining and i might miss hazirah's gossips too. and the rest of my classmates. it takes a long time to write but i'll miss something about each of them if we're apart one day.

on another level, it doesn't appear shocking to me anymore. this whole parting stuffs. i mean it does upset me, but it's just that, i'm growing up too fast and i'm afraid. i'm afraid of the need to really grow up, stop nagging and start being independent. i want to stay manja with my friends, mengada2 and still be happy. but i realize that it's not going to happen. working life is coming soon. money issues too. it's scary. and above all that, i'm afraid of death.

it's hard to even say this out loud. it's like all these thoughts are stuck in my throat and i'm suffocating to death. i probably even feel like throwing up. it's too much. i wanna tried to cherish my 19 age. the last moment to become kids even though they said that the time is up whenever you've reached 18. but all these haunting thoughts are too much, i feel like i'm wasting my time by having too much fun because sooner, i'll become old, i'll wrinkle and i will become incapable of lots of things. I even wonder how i'll fit in the new societies when they fancy over new technologies and i will be left behind clueless just like oldies nowadays. it'll be really hard to swallow all these.

i don't know why suddenly i felt like this. probably because of my recent visit to maahad and meeting the juniors... i don't know. i feel like sedarlah diri, you dah tua. it's hard and scary. i hope somehow, i can make this short young time beneficial before it's over, i wanna be a successful bright young woman and make my parents proud of my maturity when facing life difficulties. i want to do all these before the time comes and all they can say is, "you're old enough and you should do whatever you think is right, we will not interfere your life choice" rather than, "you have made a good choice in your life and for your future, we're proud of you."

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

adios 2014 bienvenido 2015

So Hi and Assalamualaikum.
it's been a while since i've written anything here.
well tbh, i do miss writing, it feels lively to talk about something with full enthusiasm and passion.

2014 has been quite a year for me.
it felt good at certain part then it tumbledown and crashed until the end of 2014.
it was a heart-breaking year for malaysians too.
but i guess i will only tell about the good parts :)
um where do i start?
first, i was accepted as a student at utp and only God knows how grateful and happy i was.
getting to enter uni earlier than anybody else.
i felt as if my life is all about studying like there's no break at all.
first time going to the pasar malam n got left by the bus pastu mcm nak nanges sbb xtau cana nk balik

buruk beno tgkap gamba camni. lepas ni taubat dah. btw this is us, maahad--utp. lps tu smua kluar hahaha

csr - utp always emphasizes on a well-rounded student

i don't live here but this is the only picture that we managed to take before aem left utp

so that's my early moments of entering utp, there are lots of 'susah senang' there because i was far from my family and i think i was very independent at that time. at that time jelah kan.

and then, we also had the drama coursework, due to the pengecut thingy, i settled for narrator and here it goes, The DAY~


and drama honestly was quite interesting, my favorite part is 'making the prop part' i'm so proud of my fire (pic on instagram) and sometimes i thought it would be merrier if jat could join us cus she left after about 3 weeks there and now she's in china (wow). 

and the interesting part of all this drama thingy was getting to know these people which at first, i never realized their presence in the class until "hi, korang x cukup ahli kumpulan lg eh?" and the ice breaking part ; epul, fik, azri, hasni, wan, aimi and nina

and then there's my girls, all together 9 persons but me and firaz decided to leave utp after we got offered to cfs, 

some of them aren't present during our night n this is my cafe; V5 Cafe a.k.a cafe ikan keli :D

dorang ni mmg kawan susah senang, and masing2 lawak gila banyak sangat dah tules appreciation pasai depa kat insta :D
so that's the end of my utp fraction, oh before i forgot, i joined debate for a while (yay!)

we debated at mcD in the morning depan2 orang tgh breakfast babe-so hardcore punyalah XD

and zulaikha (that tudung merah) is my debate bae/bae makan maggi malam2 XD

otw to mcD for debate with trisya
so done with utp, i left utp with a 3.54 gpa for my semester one.

and my spm result was out, i left utp and went to uia,

after all the sweat and tears, we managed to smile and be thankful to Allah :)

and then cfs iium happened, i don't have many pictures of it but in short, i left because i was not a survivor at that time, so i went to upm, and in upm, i've not just gained friends, but family :)

yang melompat tu budak darjah satu 

amali pertanian is not just about cangkul and tanah, sometimes it involves cendawan and selfie
my love, my life :)
our first family day :)
i started pretty well at upm, my sem 1 result was okay but then maybe because i was too sure and confident of myself,
He wanted to save me. He didn't want me to turn out as a cocky person, maybe person yang lupa tuhan.
so then, my sem 2 didn't turn out well, with the results and everything.
berapa kali rasa nak nanges, nak quit, nak give up.
rasa like why everything turned out to become otherwise?
i thought it's going to be a smooth ride.

but then... lama lps tu.. i fikir2..
and bila cuti sem.. i kinda get to redha of what He decided for me..
i realize that it is the best for me.
He planned it that way, not to hurt me, but to let me learn and realize that everything is His. and therefore, i shall not be proud of myself or my success because everything came from Him and i am just nothing. thanks Allah for making me realize that before it was too late :)

so all in all, i've finished 2 semesters in upm now and going to continue my 3rd semester next week. I'm glad He showed me the way and make me realize all that. so i'm all gear up for 3rd sem, my last sem with the family and also, hopefully as a new person for 2015.