Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Honestly since tomorrow we'll be having english paper,
i believe that it's okay to blabber in my blog..
to be honest, nowadays i feel detach from the people i used to mingle around before..
it's like.. because of the demands to concentrate on my studies,
i pushed away certain things that i love to do like debate and stuff..
i feel kinda bad but i just cannot put my heart into it when i feel really exhausted because i have too many things to do..
i would love to join training but maybe not at the time being..
but still i want to peek at them if i have time..
because that's my passion..

so currently exam week stressed me a lot..
because i got something on my mind that i'm trying to get rid of
but, it stays there.. and it disturbs me a lot..
many say you can control what you think
but surely you cannot control what's going to pop out on your mind..
hahah.. maybe with controlling your surrounding by not exposing yourself to it..
i've tried but man.. it's a small world and it just happened,,

i think about how crazy i am nowadays since i risked everything because of that one disturbance..
and i cannot get it out of my mind..
if you have tips, do share because i'm in a dire need of that like seriously..

i feel awesome and all hype out writing all these stuffs..
i mean it's not an important stuff...
just random..
but the feeling of me blabbering in english feels awesome..
feels like me debating and talk to debaters..
it flows soo well i missed those moments..

i'm killing all my hallucination now..
and i'm trying to kill things that remind me of it..
it's painful but meh.
i'm weak and i won't stay longer if i live in this hallucination..
or whatever..

so wish me for tomorrow and forever,
and for the first time, i want my feet to walk on earth and be more realistic xD

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


esk exam chem tp rse mls giler nk study..
tah angin ape tah mlm ni tetibe x nk study chem..
dhla fav subject cme hati rse x nak gak study..
pstu mmg xde mood lgsg..
bkk bku, ttup blk..
apela nk jd dgn aq ni
dhla nk spm..
ni smua msti sbb byk lagho sbb tu hlg smua smgt..
Ya Allah stressssss

Sunday, August 25, 2013

symphony of life

sometimes we found something that we love so much and we hold it tight as if we don't want to let it go..
we grip it because we are afraid that one day we will lose them..

but there will be time...
when we have to loosen our grip, let them go, move on and believe that there's always better things in front..

it's a phase of life..

just keep your faith n believe..

cuz i'm keeping mine too...

Friday, August 23, 2013

breaking point

when you feel the tears in your heart and listen to each drops continuously hitting your chest, you know that it is bleeding badly

Saturday, August 17, 2013

do we?

btw i've found this 

credits to

The empty playlist

I don't know why i should right at the moment when the trial is soo near but i miss writing here and i don't want my 'house' to be empty with old stories and stuffs..

so recently, lots of things came across my mind and i wish i could write them all..
it was mad and crazy..
all of them came banging on my head like missiles penetrating my membrane cells..
told ya it was crazy..
half of me is not me any more..

certain times i hope people will understand..
and when they don't, i know that it's because they are not in my position so i keep being what i suppose to be..
i tried to kill the time as much as i could..
but i have limits too..
sometimes i take a break, have a cheat day, watch movies
cuz i know i need that break..
that was ok.

what's not ok is when, at the moment that i hope people will understand me, i don't understand people..
i don't even wait or take some times to understand them because it will be long and i just want to understand myself for the moment and yet try to not be too selfish..

in a short word, recently, i lost my temper easily.
like a bomb that can explode any time/ most of the time..
i feel bad after that but i hope people around me will understand..
i can't think about this too long because it hurts..

but i tried my best to help people when they need it when i am in a good condition..
i hope that covers the wounds that i've made..
and i know covering will still leave the scars..

but anyway,
my life right now is not like before,
filled with mixed melodies..

it's kinda empty and sometimes i feel like a robot because i have no feeling for people..

i must be patient.
this is just for a while.
i will be free.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

the last pre-raya post

in abt 20+ mins, we're goin to celebrate aidilfitri!
so going back to my home town this year, i know and very aware of my upcoming trial after raya..
so i put a target to finish spm books for bio, addmath, sejarah n mathmode this week at kampung and the rest is to be continued pada mggu hdpn..
ttp disebabkan trlalu bz mnziarah sedara2 (even blum raya) n tlg mnceriakan dinding serta tingkap rmh nenek, maka segala kitab turun temurun yg aq bwk blk pun selamat beradu dlm beg kesayangan..
and finally hri nilah bru aq mcm free sikit..
jd dgn keazaman thp gunung everest, aq pun bkk bku spm addmath n buat progression sbb pd aq dlm dok byk2 tajuk, progression yg aq blh buat sblum tngok bku rujukan..
hahah nmpk x kemalasan menyelak bku di situ ><
so tetibe dok tgh aq setup pensel box, kalkulator tu, dtgla sepupu aq yg kecik sorang..
tgok n mnggeledah pensel box aq..
so aq pun bg dia krtas n highlighter biar dia main diam2..
bru aq nak angkat pen, gedebushhh dtg pulak tentera2 kecik yg lain..
hmm fyi sepupu aq major perempuan so u know girls..
mmg bising yg tu nk krtas, yg tu nk pen, yg tu nk marker, yg tu nk pen wrna pink..
aq pun dgn sabarnya *cehh melayan kerenah sorang2..
dah aman semua dpt kertas n pen so masing2 buat kerja masing2..
sekali dok aq buat addmath tu,
dtg pulak aiman ngn syafiq..
"eh along tgok kalkulator memanglah senang"
"eh along tiruuuu"
"mana boleh tgok kalkulator"
dan mereka pun menimbulkan kontroversi kpd si kecik yg lain mgenai 'peniruan' aq..
so aq pun bkk kuliah hri rabu dan menerangkan betapa wlupun guna kalkulator, still x dpt 100% sbb formula n etc..
and aiman dgn semangatnya cakap ohhh klu addmath mcm tu, cer kaklong amik bku matematik biasa aiman nk tgok..
n aq pun mcm aiyoo man.. skola menengah mng kna gne kalkulatorlaaaa
x menyempat-nyempat aq nk buat addmath melayan sorang2..
last2 aq sruh aiman amik bku dia spy dia blh study sme2 dgn aq drpd brtanya byk soalan yg mmeningkn..
aiman upsr thn ni so tulah..

last2 aq smpt buat 5 soalan progression pper one n tlh mnjd penat krn kehausan air dan kedahsyatan minda dlm melayan kerenah bdk2 ni..

so aq dh x larat n ttup bku pstu tdo sat..
msuk zuhur solat then melayan bdk2 kecik ni..
seronok layan diorang ni sbnrnya disebabkan depa yg honest n comel..
hahah dan menguji kesabaran..

n bru td, pak itam promote kt diorg sape yg tlg basuh dinding, dpt main counter strike..
tgh dok aq cuci dinding, dtglah assistant brbondong-bondong nk tlg..
even yg kecik2 comel sekali.. hahaha..
kecoh jugak..
sebukla msg2 nk cari berus lah, kain lah, glove lah..
last2 aq ckp xpela..
pstu syafiq ckp : x blh, kita nk tlg jugak, nnt dpt main CS..


lps tu dgn penuh smgt diorg pun geledah satu rmh nenek utk cari kain buruk n berus..
wlupun ada yg kecik comel, still semangat nk sental dinding, pintu..

hahah trus x penat aq jdnya buat keje ngn diorg..
paklang selaku manager program-cuci-dinding pun trharu dgn kesungguhan krja diorg yg menyebabkn dinding nenek putih brsinarr..

moral of the story, never underestimate children, they are restless and energetic, there are many things that they can do constantly berbanding kita yg sudah tua dan sakit tulang belakang ni.. and also, many hands make light work!

additional info : i'm the eldest cucu dkt family sblh mak so u cn imagine how kecik kemetot my cousins are xD

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

pre-raya post III

home town makes me feel free, honest and happy...
it's like some fragments of me are left here..
now that i'm back, i can feel those fragments forming a statue of happiness and it's so perfect..
i wish everybody feels the same about their home town

Sunday, August 4, 2013

pre-raya post II

-it's easy to stain a white cloth but it's hard to remove the dirt once it's there-

pre-raya post

it's almost raya which means ramadan is leaving
and when ramadan is leaving, devils r coming...
i don't like the idea having devils around..
they had already created the devil in me and even though they left because of ramadan, the devil in me stayed..
and i hate it..
it restricts me from enjoying what others do in ramadan..
i tried to get rid of it but it's hard because it stucks stronger than stain..
and this tarbiyah month got me thinking a lot..
about changing, achieving tranquility and stuff..
but still it's hard..
it's like one time i want to change badly and hours after that it doesn't really seem necessary and i just don't want to think about it..
it's like i am two persons..
one is me and one is the devil in me..
i hate it a lot..
and when the real devils come back, they will make the devil in me grow stronger and i don't want that to happen..

not to spoil the mood of raya:

before this ends, i want to wish everybody selamat hari raya! the trial month will be over, then you need to face the 'real' challenge.. so guys pack your stuff  while you can.. fill your backpack, we still got few days.. ;)

p/s: selamat hari raya kpd yg tiba2 teringat dan x sempat jumpa hari tu ;)

Thursday, August 1, 2013

mereka II

i think i changed a lil bit..
i can't say whether it's good or bad cuz i don't want to judge myself lol,
for the moment, i just want to be free and do what i want to do..
i don't overthink when doing something, i just do it when i feel like it and i love that feeling..
it feels free and awesome like you just do it with those great feelings..
never less a bit cuz you're doing it right at the moment..

so lately i've been thinking about my friends a lot..
i love each of them the way they are and frankly speaking, i don't want us to get separated..
yes we may have a reunion or what so..
but there are soo many of us and we can't gather everybody at once when each person has diff job n schedule..
and that fact upset me lil bit..
i mean, we can wish that our friendship is eternal but it is impossible to return to the school days when we prank each others, pull ones scarve, hide stuffs, throw pencil box..
it was amazing and great!
regarding to the fact that we only have few times left,
i have to change..
not in terms of anything that is important,
it just that i wanna change as in i want to create lots n lots of great memories with them and cheer a lot so there is nothing dull or ugly for us to look back one day..
i don't care what people say at this state
cuz i bliv tht i'm still me but i tend to be more real now i guess..
hahah what's that suppose to mean?

i used to give in in arguments n stuffs before..
cuz i'm like the-greatest-world-peacemaker over the centuries lol xD
now, when there're arguments,
i just fight back n say what i want to say cuz it feels fun and i want to remember this and i know that our fights won't last long cuz we're 17 for god sake and we won't fight like dayss.. it will be like nothing happened and we're friends back xD
and those fights feel worth it..
i don't really fight back because i am angry or what, it just that i feel that it's fun to make someone mad :O
it's just for fun :D

so we have less time now..
but lets make out the most out of the most..
don't question my hyper-activeness and loudness
that's really what i want to do now..
i would love to remember about how funny and messed up we are..
how sarah ran with one shoe because i asked yb to hide the other shoe somewhere, how we hit each other out of the blue, how i threw enab pencil box awaay, how enab moved all my stuff to other table while i'm actually doing my works, how farhah hide my watch a lot of time, how fizah pull my scarve *which was not expected* and i pulled her scarve back for sure xD, how yb sang raya song everytime i asked a question today, how fizah mimicking people hahah..
those are great memories..
there are abundance of them that i can share and share and it will never ends..
i will miss each of them and i will remember how united we are sharing secrets and stories and teasing each other..
there are so much that we have done in this short time and i'm looking forward for more before the school ends..

till then,
assalamualaikum :D