I don't know why i should right at the moment when the trial is soo near but i miss writing here and i don't want my 'house' to be empty with old stories and stuffs..
so recently, lots of things came across my mind and i wish i could write them all..
it was mad and crazy..
all of them came banging on my head like missiles penetrating my membrane cells..
told ya it was crazy..
half of me is not me any more..
certain times i hope people will understand..
and when they don't, i know that it's because they are not in my position so i keep being what i suppose to be..
i tried to kill the time as much as i could..
but i have limits too..
sometimes i take a break, have a cheat day, watch movies
cuz i know i need that break..
that was ok.
what's not ok is when, at the moment that i hope people will understand me, i don't understand people..
i don't even wait or take some times to understand them because it will be long and i just want to understand myself for the moment and yet try to not be too selfish..
in a short word, recently, i lost my temper easily.
like a bomb that can explode any time/ most of the time..
i feel bad after that but i hope people around me will understand..
i can't think about this too long because it hurts..
but i tried my best to help people when they need it when i am in a good condition..
i hope that covers the wounds that i've made..
and i know covering will still leave the scars..
my life right now is not like before,
filled with mixed melodies..
it's kinda empty and sometimes i feel like a robot because i have no feeling for people..
i must be patient.
this is just for a while.
i will be free.