Friday, June 28, 2013

officially 17 :D

few days ago i'm officially 17!
and i was really excited about it!
cuz it's the last year i'll be wearing school uniform.. :O
*i still cannot believe this*
which means, after this, i'm not a highschooler any more ..
*i haven't decided yet how i should feel that time* sobs sobs

so, during my birthday,
i received lots of wishes from my best friends..
and it was really nice..
i love them soo much

i guess this year is the best year i've ever had with my friends 
so i named it as a friends year :D
 5 years trying to cope with each other..
this year.. i think, is the year when we finally get to know each other well..
it's really interesting..
having different kind of personalities and we deal with it..
accept the fact that everybody has flaws..
and at the end of the day, we accept each other for who we are..
it's amazing and i won't forget this..

my friends..
they have done so many things for me,
and when things didn't go well..
they are always there for me
patting my shoulders and saying that everything will be fine..
joke with me 24/7..
gossiping all day hahahah..
pakat x buat kerja sekolah.. *uhuk uhuk
pakat prank orang..
be strong for one another..
it is really nice..
and i really appreciate that.. :)
there are times where we're not on the same page..
but it was okay after that..
i guess our fights completed our friendship xD
it's like adding sugar to coffee..

"our friendship is eternal.. together, we hold a strength that no one could ever imagine.."  

btw, i also received wishes from people who aren't even close to me..
and i feel touched..
thanks guys :')

- so here they are.. the wishes :D -

and i thought yb forget about my birthday.. :')

first wish from fizah precisely at 00:00 :D

oh btw ade lagi yg wish kt fb and secara live.. hahah.. thank you soooo much..
and during maghrib enab called and wished me.. terharu giler masa tu..
and i got free call for the whole day since it's my bday kan.. tp utk maxis to maxis je..
tp x tahu nk call siapa since we all dh borak2 kat wechat and line..

so mlm tu, i saw missed call from kak ulfah.. lg 16 minit bday nk hbes and she's using maxis!! so i called her..
she wished me and we talked abt how i celebrated my birthday which i don't really celebrate because of jerebu so i stayed at home and got my cake that night (Y)
and we talked about srikandi which i'm very thrilled to go and like always, i got new information that peplum is actually an old trend which was created by cleopatra.. hoho..
and that's why talking to kak ulfah is fun :D
to be frank, i kinda miss seeing her around and talk to her about random things.. she's going to uni now.. :(

so guys, thanks again for making me feel like i'm 17.. hahah :D


btw this is my cake.. i love CAKESSSSS 

❤ White chocolate macadamia from SR 

Monday, June 24, 2013

The worst of the worst

Salam guys..
so recently there are lots of things happening..
If you keep yourself updated, then you will know about the current issues

It hasn't been a fine time for me..
I don't know..
Part of me believe that it was okay but the other part keeps pushing me to feel afraid so that i can get out from my comfort zone..
Certain times, i feel suck..
But alhamdulillah.. i gained strength from my buddies..
They are such an inspiration to me..
I dunno how they can stand being friend with someone who sucks a lot like me,
but what i can tell is that i'm just lucky to have them as companies along this journey..
And secondly, i kinda feel good when i tried to inspire people..
although i'm not really an angel who lives a fine life by living it properly..
but, giving hopes to people is like giving hopes to myself..
and it feels good :)

Another good thing is that, mom's back!
after going to somewhere for 2 weeks,
finally she's home and having her around is such a bless..
she's like the core of the family..
i feel really really grateful cuz i kinda suck at being another mom for a while LOL..
it's stressful, really ><"

okay.. so what am i suppose to talk about,
one day i was picked for PLBS with the pentaksir..
and i sucked hahah.. i didn't know about it so i was not actually prepared for it..
i mean materials and stuff..
and i don't think if i know about it earlier i would prepare for it cuz like hahah
you know me well.. always a last minute person xD

so, i talked about syria cuz i remembered what fakhry shared with us from our last training and..
BOOM, i can't conclude,
i can tell the stories and hey, i can't conclude..
and i stuttered a lot..
but lets just let bygones be bygones..

and last friday i promised my adik2x usrah to meet them before class at the canteen..
i've prepared a few things to share with them..
but suddenly there was a spotcheck.. and the prefect in my class didn't allow me to get out from my class..
and i thought they can't get out from their class too..
however, they did..
and waited for me.. and i wasn't there..
at last, they recite Qur'an on their own and went to their class afterwards..
and i feel bad until now..

and that afternoon my former akak naqibah came!
but i wasn't in a good mood thinking about my adik usrah..
and she was with the form 6 students and i was not feeling comfortable talking to her
so it's kinda awkward.. she seemed excited but i just like hey and uh oh, can i go now?
and that makes me feel bad too..

hahah negativity overload here..

then i read about malaysian students who involved in accidents in Jordan realising how unfortunate they are compared to me..
watched people in turkey vandalized public properties and stores.. and how turkey seems really chaotic right now..

i realised that,
i only faced small small problems..
and life feels like it's going to end right now..
but them, out there, struggling and getting hurt each time yet still enthusiastic to fight for their life..

and right now, i'm not really a happy person,
but i started to look at the world from the third person view..
if you know what i mean

p/s: told yaa, i sucked at concluding :P

Saturday, June 15, 2013

how i wish that i'm not the adult that i used to hate back then

i used to hate adults when i was a child for not understanding me..
i hated the way adults don't believe whatever i was trying to say simply because i'm a lil kid..
i hated them for not able to give me a legit reason for doing so..

that was me. back then..

but now, i am a grown up..
i am an adult to children..
surprisingly, i can't become an adult that i dreamed to be when i was a child..
i can't give legit reasons to children when they don't understand my decisions..
all i think is that, they are children and they won't understand how i've made the right choice..
but that's not important cuz i know better than them..

but the thing is,
sometimes, i feel bad for being an adult that i hated so much when i was a child..
although i understand them now, why they did that but still...
i am just the same person like them back then..
and it hurts to hate them back then and wish for something better yet i didn't change anything when i am actually in the position to change it..

i thought for a while..
about how actually i wanted adults to treat me back then..
but i can't remember that much because i'm not a child anymore..
i don't understand how they feel that something soo small as important,
i can't be them now because i've grown up and the way i see things is different from back then..

i wish when i was a child,
i have a notebook to write all my unsatisfied feelings toward adults so when i am an adult i would understand kids better..
and i can become a better adult...

so maybe.. it's too late for now to grab a time machine and become a kid again..
but maybe what i can do now is to try my best to understand the kids and explain to them how i feel bad being an adult that i hated before.. and ask them to write a diary about their thoughts on life and adults so that when they grow up, they won't repeat the same mistakes like me and become a better adult :)

p/s: i'll write the conclusion later :D

i used to be like them before

including kids :)

the good side of the bad side

i am grateful to know everybody that i know 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

thanks teacher

this year,
i have a very low expectation for my biology subject..
and today my biology teacher was talking to a girl and she mentioned my name..
cikgu sebenarnya aim.. sape dia.. ha, munierah dpt tggi (lebih kurang mcm nilah)
and i was behind that girl and i was really excited and asked:
teacher, betul ke?? teacher aim saya dpt tggi? kenapa saya? *grin*
and teacher was like, haah cikgu aim awak dapat tggi.. sbb tulah cikgu rasa mcm awak akn dpt tggi (lebih kurang kut)
i silent for a while..
then cikgu tunjuk markah past year, tahun ni and my targeted mark by the system..
i show some improvement and teacher said.. ha.. oklah ni sikit lagi..
and i look at teacher and said..
x pe cikgu, trial nnt saya cuba capai target ni :D
and she smiled and said ha trial nnt cuba betul2x..

after that,
i feel so motivated..
like if my teacher can believe in me,
why can't i believe in myself?

haha sebenarnya jujur cakap..
nak berubah tu.. 85% sebab trharu dgn kata2x cikgu..
and.. of course rasa semangat bila cikgu target kita dapat tinggi..
x kesahlah sekarang ni markah rendah ke tak..
yang penting cikgu dah target tggi,
so now tggal nak prove kan je dkt cikgu yg aq boleh :D

p/s: sekarang masa untuk pandang depan dan tinggalkan semua yang dah lepas :) oh btw now i can finish my writing!!! #Finally

Sunday, June 9, 2013


there are times when you feel upset,
there are times when you feel depressed,
there are times when you feel down,
and all you need to do is talk..

find somebody,
not the one that you only trust,
you feel comfortable to talk with,

you don't need an expert,
you don't need a psychologist,
you don't need twitter,
you don't need facebook,
you don't need the whole world to listen to your problem..

all you need is somebody who you feel safe to talk to
and somebody who you know will understand your feelings..

the reason is because,
talking to people can actually lessen your burden,
knowing that somebody is there for you,
listening to all your story..
you will know that you're not alone,
and sometimes their thoughts help..
even though sometimes it feels like it is just to comfort you,
but still,
it DOES comfort you..

and there are also times when,
their thoughts can really help you..
sometimes they see what you can't see
and with their view, they can help you through all these problems

and the thing is..
you won't know whether they have the solutions or not
IF you don't talk to them..
you won't know whether somebody really understand you
IF you don't share your problems with them..

you won't lose anything if ANY of the good things above didn't happen to you..
at least, you give a try and make efforts to lessen your burden..
and trust me,
despite the good words and advice, having somebody to listen to your problems is pretty much everything..

try talking to people rather than believing in your own thoughts
because sometimes, we are blinded by our own feelings..
and of course, we won't be able to make the right decisions..
having others insight to your problems can actually help you to neutralize your opinion..

at least...
listen to others thoughts..
then decide on your own what do you want to do..
just have their views..
like i said, you have nothing to lose..

oh btw,
i know that there are certain conditions when it's hard to tell people around you about the problems..
sometimes it reveals your flaws and you don't want to let people to know how weak you are and how you are not actually what they think you are..
yup.. nobody wants to let people see their real flaws..
so what should you do?
i mean talk but not to your close ones..
because i know you don't feel like it..
it's like, you tell them everything then the next day in school,
you will feel very much insecure with that person because he/she knows your flaws..
so. find some strangers and talk to them..
i know this may sound weird but to me it is quite fun..
i personally love talking to strangers..
you can just talk to them.. spill everything and you may put some lies also because haha they don't know the real stories and they don't know who you are.. so yeah..
what you need is just their view..
and solutions to your problems..
don't worry about adding up stories and everything..
if you feel like it then do it..
remember you just need the solutions and that person is not going to know about it..
because he/she is just a stranger who comes and goes easily in your life..
they won't really care about the problems you have and everything..
but they can lend their ears for you if you want them to and give some advice..
which is the only thing you need..
a listener and a couple of advice..

so i think that's pretty much it..

just talk and spill everything..
remember you have nothing to lose :)

p/s: talking to strangers sometimes benefits you a lot.. cuz, usually they will have very very different thoughts that don't even click in your mind.. i think it's because of the different backgrounds and how they think.. so yeah have a nice day :D

Thursday, June 6, 2013

i found the missing piece :)

yesterday i saw fattah's tweet inviting several people for their training at sais including me..
at first i was 50-50 whether to go or not..
cuz i have lost my debate spirit recently..
i dunno how i ended up at this road..
i dunno why i debate in the first place..
i mean out of the blue i just join debate and now i can't find the reason why i am here
and there are several problems arise..

i am confused so i decided to take a break from the debate world..

but suddenly i thought about this..
the sri ayeshans have been so kind to us, the hamidians..
i remembered how they always tried their best to come if we have training..
and also the supports they always give to us..
i feel touched. deep.
they did many things for us..
too many..

so i think it's time to show our gratitude to them :)
and i made up my mind to go
i arrived a lil bit late cuz i need to make sure my lil sis takes her medicine..

the moment i arrived, i opened the door and everybody in the room is sri ayeshan except fakhry
i admit it.
i was afraid..

but then we had a debate and discussed together..
we talked about enemy combatant, mine craft, studies and lots of stuffs..
it was really fun..
and they treated me just like a family..
i feel like i'm a part of them..
i feel like i'm also a family..
and from that moment i started to saw my reflection being so excited in these things and competitive and so..
the spirit slowly grows back..
i can't let things go..
if i don't believe it i will like ask and argue
and for some reasons it's fun :)

to be honest..
i found back the missing piece of the me..
i found back the part that i miss sooo much

i feel blessed
i feel grateful

all these great feeling just like come all together

and i feel touched :')

thanks kamalia, maryam, fattah, fakhry, eri for today..
it may seem like a normal training,
but it brings a big difference to me..
it brings back my missing piece..

i guess 
does mean something this year :')