Sunday, May 15, 2016

Home. 4th May 2016

Of the sleepless nights,
Of the unavoidable thoughts,
The scare, the fear,
The urge of running away,
A sleep would be very necessary now.
A sleep would put a stop to all of these.
But why couldn't i have it when i need it the most.
And then comes the thoughts of going somewhere else,
You know.
Just talking to someone about all these creeping thoughts
About that person who scares me
About that person that ive fallen in love of since 2014
About everything.
So small, so little, but still matters.
And listening to the thoughts from all of you would definitely make me feel better.
Would at least make me feel secure.
You guys are the most comfortable to be around with.
You guys.
Are the closest definition of home,
Where my heart feels it most belongs,
Where when i reside, im no longer searching for home
-Home. 00:11, 4th May-

Saturday, May 7, 2016

of heartbreaks

It was evening.
The moment she told me that.
My heart breaks.

She then texted me, are you okay?
i said yes, of course, but the truth is tears are rolling down my cheeks.

and i realize, that is the moment when.
my heart breaks,
and it's not your fault,
cuz i break it on my own.
it feels like i've been stabbed,
hard, sakit.
tapi takpe,
certain things do need time,
and this one too, needs time to heal.

i better be careful next time.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I thought.

I thought.
Friends would make me happy.
They did. But finally, they go away
I thought.
If my dreams and imaginations come true,
I would be happy.
But more and more i think about it, more and more unrealistic it appears to be.
I mean..
How long must it take for me to earn enough to be able to feel happy and what if Allah loves me and takes my breath away?
Then i am never happy on earth because i haven't lived the life that would make me happy.
I thought. Good grades would make me happy.
They did. Tremendously. But then i become too proud that i took all the credits to my own.
And then He took it away, so that i learn,
That without His approval,
I am a nobody.
But tonight.
I thought.
I found happiness.
In these small-small little things in life.
The kind of things that nobody would highlight in conversations,
The kind of things that nobody would want to brag about.
Because they are small and sometimes, not tangible.
It is weird.
But they make me feel happy in and out.
P/s: The real happiness to me, is when, deep down inside, you are filled with gratitude and pleasure. And simply feel at ease and happy.
Dont take my words seriously. Im jovial at times, and most jovial because of those 3 reasons but. The feeling is different. If i'm happy because of those three, i feel euphoric and just too happy and then it's gone. But the last one that i found, is very calming. It's the kind of happiness that put me at ease
Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

new semester!

so. i'm finally able to continue writing on my blog!
gosh it feels so good, just to imagine that finally i can come up with a post.
well actually there have been a LOT of drafted posts. either i wrote it halfway and i got stuck in the middle orr, i simply don't think it's a good read for you guys. (plus all the cheesey things, ahem, please excuse the 19 y/o munierah) #TypicalNewYearThing but before that, happy new year guys! 

there might be a lot of reasons for me not to publish my writing even though i sometimes wrote them very passionately. like the feelings were there, anger and all, and i'm quite sure if you read it, you'll sort of can understand how i feel. but no. as far as i can restrain myself, munierah will try to not write negative things because things that you publish stay permanent. your feelings don't. it will change, bad things will pass. so i think it's best to just put that kind of feeling aside instead of making it permanent by telling everybody. because when you tell everybody it is as if you can't let go. and even when at one time, you've finally able to let go, people around you, who read about it will always remember your history or past, you know. which sometimes they might bring it up or just have some sorts of perceptions towards you. so that's that.

well, i have more things to babble on that particular one issue but lets not be boring.

so onto the real topic, my sem break is almost over (in few more days) and believe it or not, i'm more than thrilled to start this new semester, hopefully this enthusiasm can last up till i finish my semester and not that 'hot-hot chicken shit' type. (you know what i mean, it's a malay proverb and no mom, i'm not cursing on public).

well, let me tell you what's been happening this past few days before new sem begins

1st, i've won harvey norman online contest (yay!) , and i received a RM 100 voucher. and you knowlah how crazy i am when it comes to shopping but,, it needs to be collected at petaling jaya which my parents said is not worth the journey. you know travelling there just to pickup my RM100 voucher. but nevertheless, i still have high hopes (and also pray) that they might change their mind and would drive me there because i've won a voucher! bukan selalu okay,, seorang munierah nak menang cabutan bertuah masa tadika pun susah inikan lagi voucher harvey norman. i'm not that lucky when it comes to this kind of thing so i x percaya lah luck2 ni tapi saja2 masuk then menang. that's so wow hahahahah

2nd, i'm currently not in a good health condition alas my parents disapproval for me to drive and collect my voucher on my own. (SO ANYYBODY WHO'S GOING TO PJ PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME K. I DO APRECIATE IT HAHAHA) so, it's just a week before new semester began and i got sick because i think the weather nowadays has gone haywire. yelah the earth is not healthy and so am i. and i do have this medical history that is widely understood by my family that whenever, and whenever, i finally got sick. it may happen for a quite challenging period. like kalau pergi pku upm,  they have my medical history cuz i always went there, and it has always been the same sakit. okay, mula2 sakit tekak, then selesema then demam and lastly batuk. and it didn't stop there. sometimes, after batuk then sakit tekak balik then there goes the cycle. the shortest period for me to fully recover is usually 1 week but selalunya, it didn't happen that way. it will keep cycling and pernah sekali tu. i ran out of my ubat batuk, go to pku again and you know, i went there 3 times for 3 weeks. satu minggu satu doktor and a list of ubat. habes. went there another week, met another doctor and they gave me different ubat and it happened for 3 weeks then, i, alhamdulillah finally recovered. so dah biasa dah. no worry. i just hope people would understand my health condition more, you know you can't be very productive when you're sick and i can't skip classes sampai 3 minggu so at that time i would probably be a zombie so i do hope people understand (but i don't mind lah, we can't force people to understand our condition and as long as my family understands me, then i'm okayy, i'm loved by my family, that's all that i should know)

3rd, so recently we bought this 2 litres milk from giant and surprise2, it turned sour before it's expiry date and i've read an issue regarding this particular brand before, there has been this 'milk turned sour before expiry date' issue, and they were really sorry because it happened that they got their yogurt mixed up with the original fresh milk hence, the sour taste, so they refunded all the previous customer. but i still buy their milk anyway (regardless that issue) because, it's a MALAYSIAN dairy products brand and i know they work super hard for the milk production ( i've read the CEO's letter to one of the unsatisfied customers). so even with the controversy, i still buy their milk and here are 3 more reasons why i am supporting their business:
1) it does taste good (yay)
2) they dont put preservatives in it (health wise is definitely a yay)
3) packaging is the most beautiful-convincing milk bottle in the whole supermarket. like if i'm searching for a yogurt drink, there has been only this brand that stands out from the others. besides dia mmg sedap. i'm a fan of yogurt drinks and i've tried a lot of them and this one doesn't make me feel fat hahahah (how does that make sense) , because, it's not too sweet like the rest so i'm convinced that they don't put lotsss of sugar in it which is nice, and I LOVE IT.

but my mom does want her money to be refunded and as the person who put this milk in our trolley at giant, i am responsible of everything ha ha. but it's okaylah i like making phone calls anyway, so i called them just now, describing the milk condition and all, they were really sorry and they would refund the money by online banking. actually, i pity them, like a lot of milk bottles must be affected by this yogurt thing and they would need to refund all of them. and that wouldn't sustain a business for a long time if it keeps happening. but I LOVE farm fresh. so even if my family wouldn't favor this brand anymore, i would always, opt for this one because i freaking love your product and i want you to sustain for years that even when i'm old, i can still go to the market and get myself a freaking pretty bottle of my one and only favorite yogurt drink :)

okay, so i'm telling this in case you guys didn't know about that issue. but you are free to have your own opinion, like my parents and sisters. we have different perspectives. my sister reason is we need to be savvy2 so we can't keep splurging our money on things that we can't even consume. but i'm that boros and patriotic type yang always x kesah, asalkan i know they have put efforts in it, and their products pun bagus kan so i'm gonna keep supporting them.

well that's surely a long entry i can't even relate it to my new semester post anymore hahah. but regardless anything that has happened or might happen in the future, i am very enthusiastic to start my new sem. i began to love my new faculty too. and im proud of it. 

i like this kind of feeling. when you finally love the place, you'll become attached to it, like there's a bond between you and the place. and in my opinion. that will eventually, change everything. at least i'm that type of person, when i love something, everything turns to be very sentimental to me, so i will be this happy happy munierah. but when i resist to love something like when i was in sem 1, i become all this depressed munierah and no no. xnak dah stress2 sem 2 ni. i might die soon and i wanna die as a person who is able to show her gratitude to her God. Because,

so that's it!
thanks for reading :)


Monday, January 11, 2016


And when the migraine kicks.
There's no 1 or 2, or knocks at the door.
It just comes, uninvited, unexpected and stings like a bee.
Not sure really about the cause.
Sometimes chest pain hits hard too.
But i can still have all my common stimuli works so i dont really make noise about it.
Inhaler comes very efficiently during those days. That is something i'm sure about.
But this migraine. I'm really worried.