Thursday, December 19, 2013

.

it's been a dream and a plan..
that after spm is over,
before this year ends,
i got to wrapped up this year beautifully..
being as honest as i would..
as i believe that i will stay even if i'm gone..
sooner.
i will wrap it up..
i hope i will get the chances..
and end this beautifully

Monday, December 16, 2013

about life

well,
i guess life after spm isn't that fun..
there are too many things that you need to figure out since u've grown up..
and i dunno why,
it feels so heavy
it feels like a burden
i,
day by day
become more confused and lost

how could,
this world turns to become so vicious?
how could,
i suddenly realized that i dunno myself?
how could,
i lost to others?
how could,
at the end of the day i realized that i am useless?

i've went to utp's educamp recently.
and no doubt, it was really fun.
but,
meeting all those excellent people,
i felt very insecure and timid..
like how come,
for this 17 years that we live,
they've gained more than me?
they've grown up but i haven't?

it sucks..
tbh, im quite playful in every situation,
i don't adore seriousness
in every circumstances..
cuz seriousness sucks,
it makes people become stress,
it makes people dismiss others around them,
it makes the environment felt cold,
it makes me unhappy..

and i hate it..
but going through all this,
i realize that maybe being serious is important..
for me if i want to strive forward,
if i want to win,
if i want to be successful in life..
n i,
by any means need to grow up..
somehow,

hmmm...

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Sunday, December 8, 2013

yuiop

so another blog post at night..
man i love posting at night,
when my mind is screwed up and all weary and this lil voice inside me saying,
hey i need a sleep..
but a wiser organ inside me saying,
man, this is not tiring enuf n u won't sleep if u lie down so,
force urself a lil bit more until u feel u can't take it anymore..
and i do understand that all my organs need a rest right now except mR.brainy who controls everything..
and when this guy doesn't want some rest,
i can't rest..

so when it's night,
i have to somehow,
force my brain to think spontaneously..
like i don't even care what it's thinking,
as long as it gets tired then i can go to sleep.

the thing is that,
i think i've been loving this whole kinda detective act..
like solving mystery cases..
well not so mystery but at least i cn solve it,
was really fun..
but nowadays,
i don't know..
i just prefer something more relax other than just solving n figure out problems..
i rather choose to be playful, doing things straight away rather than focusing on an issue or whateva..

and bcuz of tht,
my enthusiasm to dig out prob is not that much anymore..
eh wrong.
to solve a problem..
hmm..

man i'm tired..
night

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Day 2 - bunny2

at first i was planning to tidy up my current room and my old room..
i need to move back to my old room since spm is over but.
i dunno maybe i'm too anxious about the rabbit that i just keep watching them..
i dunno whether it's a good thing or not..

i brought them outside at the open space this morning,
n saga seemed very happy n excited,
she kept going back n forth,
sniff and sniff..
so cute..

and lil rico also get excited..
it's just that he's more aggressive and hard to handle..
but he's nice tho..

today, i already brought them outside twice n i screwed up with rico every time..
and i feel sooo asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnm
and i decided not to visit them rarely after this cuz maybe i annoyed them..
idk..
maybe they need some space and i was too worried and it's just suffocating for them to have me messing their lives..
hmm..
i think so..
i just worried too much and gelabah pstu messed up...
i feel so done with life lollll

tp xpelah i love them..
it would be fun if they would love me too one day..
hmm i guess i need to chill a lil bit..

that's all for today..
bye

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

After SPM - day 1

so. officially. spm. is. over.
and i just couldn't describe what i'm feelin
i'm like god! byk gler bnda nk buat lps ni!!!
there are sooo many things that i wanna do before tp x dpt sbb time constriction..
so smlm finally, after 3 yrs x pakai inai sbb tkut kena demerit, i got to wear it! muahahaha..
and today...

kitorg satu kelas pergi mid valley!!!
tau tak it's very hard for my parents to let me hang out with my friends..
and today after pujuk pnye pujuk..
alhamdulillah dpt prgi..
pstu umi n adik2 pun ikut tp kitorg pisah2..
my mom n sis pergi shopping n i got to chill with ma friends..

and u just don't know what im feelin...
i'm just sooo grateful that this moment, the last one to spend with my buddies,
i got to be a part of it..
i'm sooo over the galaxy, moon and sun :DDD

and, aq kagum gler dgn putera2 ibs..
like seriously, hands down..
plg trbaik aq prnh kenal..
dgn semangatnye,
responsible..
bagus ah..
mmg ptut dipuji..

n aq dpt hadiah request pricey..
pstu xpayah bayar blk n im like...
o.m.g.
smpi skrg lg excited..
like, the thing yg aq mmg nakkkk sgt...
pstu dpt..
it's like dreams come true..
muahahaha thx idris :D

n tadi,
kitorg main boling..
aq smpi lmbt sket sbb mak aq krja..
tp lmbt x lmbt, asal dpt hang out ngn dorg pn aq dh brsyukur dah..

yg plg lawak skali,
aq ngn sarah main boling serentak,
sorg satu lane..
and...
serentak kitorg baling, serentak jugak dua2x masuk longkang..
blh kata hmpir smua yg kitorg baling msuk longkang..
nmpk x chemistry kt situ?
main boling pn same je..
dua2 ke longkang..
kuang3x..

pstu yb ngn atiqah plak power gler main..
atiqah, bak kata yb..
ada satu bola azimat ni..
klu atiqah baling je, konfem.
aq pun nk try tp x jadi..
memang sahla.. bola tu nk atiqah je baling..

last but not least,
makan2 with sarah, syra n my gossip girl, aina amirah,
aq rse kitorg pnye kecoh borak2x tu, satu kedai makan blh dgr..
smpi org yg kat hujung tu pun pndg2 je..
pstu pakcik yg lalu pun pndg..
huah. malu lol...

blk tu angah ckp, angah yg pkai earphone pun blh dgr suara along kuat..
agaknye.. simptom speaker masjid sarah dh berjangkit kt aq kut..
lolololll..

yelah..
lps ni mgkin speaker masjid dh x sme uni ngn aq..
so, aq knala practise jd speaker masjid spy x rindu sgt nnt :')

btw thx
fizah, sarah, farhah, nab2, yb, atiqah, nili,n yg lain2
cuz u made my day :)

hmm anyway,
i still have some times to spend with ma friends before we all terbang mmbawa diri..
so i gotta use it wisely and fill it with beautiful memories..
oyeah n i have a few plans for this loooong holiday but i just feel that it's not quite right to tell it first cuz maybe x jadi nnt..
so.. tgoklah mcm mana..
it's just tht
so far i'm SOOO GOOD :D

thts all.. byeeee :DD


Saturday, November 30, 2013

Mush

The night is soo beautiful..
It is very quiet and calming..
Which allows me to give some space for this teeny tiny lil compartment in my brain to start functioning..
Bringing me to my right common sense..
All alone without anybody to judge, interrupt or influence my thought..
It's personally completely my thought..
I love it..

Sometimes life brings you to a point which makes you feel breathless, suffocating and drowning..
It is very tiring..
And on top of that, one thing that adds on to the mess is people thoughts..
I don't know..
Some people got along with it but it's different to me..
To me, it's neither entertaining nor amusing..
It just. Pale, dark and creepy..
Tbh, sometimes i feel like a whole different person when i meet people..
I feel that the space that they give me is too small for me to jump and accelerate as much as i want..
I feel caged and traped in a small lonely cold box..
It is for a matter of fact, the reason that i appear to be quiet and awkward..
Cuz i think people are streotyping too much and i just don't want to mess up so i keep myself silent..

It's a matter of fact, that if u see someone who are friendly, talk to people nicely and politely, it will come to ur mind that hey, that person is a very good person..
But when it comes to a person who messed up a lot, they usually dont like it.. Thus they always see the black of the white as if theres no good in that person..
And it's life.. Ppl always judge what they see, read and stuff..
Very few people in this world look beyond and upon, think wisely and say hey, we should not judge anybody as they maybe someone better than us but we just don't know it. Or maybe they hide their good acts cuz they r sincere ppl.. Who knows? Or maybe theres a reason y they hve done tht..
Who would thought abt this?
Very few i tell ya..
An analogy, ur driving a car, somebody drives like crazy and almost hit u..
What will come across ur mind?
I bliv most ppl wld say bad word, express their anger and stuff..
But has this ever came across ur mind?
No.1 - tht person has lost someone whom he loves and he just can't control his emotion..
No. 2 - his wife is giving birth and he needs to rush quickly
No. 3 - he troubles health problems, maybe hyper-activeness or nerve problems that leads to that act..
Have that ever come across ur mind?
Nope. Y? U bliv wht u see. U see somebody speeding and messed up. But u never want to understand that person.. And u dont want to care bcuz its not important to u..

Thats life..
Thats the people..
I messed up quite a lot and i hope ppl would try to understand that maybe there r something behind something that they dont know and just dont judge..
I mean come on.. Ppl nowadays judge like crazy like they r perfect..
They feel good making others feel bad..
And sometimes i wish i have this magic mirror when somebody judge someone that mirror will reflect back their action towards them..
Then life is fair.. Then u know how ur judgement is actually not fair even for urself..
Allah is the only one who can judge..
Y? He knows everything even the deepest heart desires and intentions..
And to people out there who loves judging,
U r just normal people that may or may not ruin ones life and character

P/s: i get lazy and didnt punctuate my words correctly.. It was on purpose

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Kita

Sahabat tu.. Dia tlg satu sama lain..
Mguatkan yg lemah, mmbangunkn yg rebah..
Aq stress, x brp sihat kblkgn ni so byk x smpt bce..
Esk fizik, 3 pper..
Aq bgtahu dia,
Sgguh aq x brsedia!
Dia bg kata2 semangat, aq rse lega sdikit n brtmbh kuat..
Dia yg lain pula rse lemah, aq pula yg mmberikan kata2 smgt..
Ya. Inilah sahabat..
Hri ni aq sedar btp kita saling memerlukan satu sama lain..
Terima kasih sahabat..
Kerana sentiasa setia bersamaku..

P/s: esk pper fizik then kimia then bio non stop.. We really need ur prayers.. Doakn please #Hoping n #Trying

Monday, November 11, 2013

oh sejarah

mannn the next paper is sejarah!!
and i don't want to update my blog or whatever cuz i'm sitting for spm..
but while i'm waiting for azan to end,
i think i'll give it a go..
so i'm freaking out because i dunno why it's harder for me to memorize sejarah now..
i feel like asking somebody, hey how do u excel in sejarah/ do u have any tips?
but i'm like oh munierah dh dkt gler nak exam bru nk tnye..
so i guess i'll try my best..
i hope my brain is at it's best function cuz when it does, it works wonders..
aduhai.. seriously this is soooooooo creepy..
pray for us, the spm candidates whenever u remember us n u read this..
okaylah assalamualaikum

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

BBC - i wanna be a nerd

so currently i've been trying to add my knowledge by reading bbc..
and it was really fun except for the part that i don't understand certain words or the meaning of certain parts of the sentence.. *am i getting this right?*

i was trying to get help from everywhere like i posted it on our english group,debate group anything that i thought would get me some help.. if somebody who is good in english and not busy at the moment, i would totally ask him/her..
just i need to find the meaning..
it sometimes took ages..
what makes it most difficult..

anyway, on top of that, i began to love knowledge (Y)
haha i found it very surprising yet i feel some sorts of happiness and contentment reading all those stuffs..
i just.. idk..
i wanna be a nerd like seriously a total nerd knowing that there's so much that i don't know..
hahah..

sometimes i get bored n i just thought that i have to read one or two news from bbc before i sleep, i would totally opt for my favourite issue which is..

S.P.O.R.T

cuz...
tell me, who will get bored with sport??
usually i'll read about football only.. not other sports like golf or something.. heheh
i'm also interested in tennis world though since i'm a huge fan of maria sharapova and totally interested in matches between roger federer and rafael nadal..
be it there r other better tennis rivals, i just love the battles between these two guys.. hahah..

so that's pretty much it to babble tonight.. i think my grammar has worsen.. anyways
nighteee

see;
contentment

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Pause pause

Oh man
Spm is rlly near n mom asked me to put a pause in everything that is not related to spm.. But the problem is,
a) i don't want to
b) i don't want to
c) i don't want to
I wanna go shopping n stuffs n i dunno whts wrong with me i just ughhh..
I want to study but i don't
I want to drill but i don't
So messed up i just don't want to sit fr spm
Wait. I want to but i just hope it will be fine n stuffs but i dunno yet cuz who knows so yeah..
N i lost my physics note book n i dunno whre i put it but i think smebody borrows it n doesn't return it to me but the problem is i dunno who n i think i nd to buy a new one so ugh again..
Gosh really hope i can hangout with my friends now, or studying normally n have fun without worrying about spm.. Like seriously learning with them is totally fun but when everything is abt spm it's not.. It turns to be rushy and serious n i just pass the time with sleeping bcuz i don't want to think or do anything abt it..
N im lost now.. I think i just i dunno

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Review on: Majalah Jom!

Today one of my tablemates brought this interesting small magazine called jom!
It is really cute and the cover is awesome!! They got this lil cute guy from 'up' movie and i just can't resist to read it..
Besides, it's been quite a while since i'm searching for good magazines which are totally my cup of tea.. And this one got lots of islamic content which is totally a plus for me and the way it was written just blown me away!
And u know what.. As i started to read it i just immediately got immersed in it.. Like, everybody please don't disturb me.. I'm having my moments.. :DDDD
Mannn it's soooo good!!!

So i decided to do a review on it!

1st: Thought

Generally, i think jom! is definitely a must have for everybody, it is small, easy to carry and it is a light reading material which u can read at all circumstances even before u sleep, in the train, at the hospital and etc..
The content is also interesting and i am really amazed by the illustrations provided.. So fresh and beautiful!

2nd: Some sneak peek from jom!

(1)

"Apabila Allah mengkehendaki kebaikan pada seseorang, maka Allah akan 'memperkerjakannya'."
Lalu para sahabat bertanya: "Bagaimanakah Allah 'memperkerjakannya'?"
Baginda menjawab: "Allah akan memberinya taufik untuk melakukan amal soleh, kemudian Allah mencabut nyawanya dalam keadaan demikian."
(HR AT-TIRMIDZI)
*subhanallah.. Bestnye klu kita tergolong dlm golongan tu kan?

(2)

"walaupun doeramon datang dari masa hadapan dan memberitahu jawapan bagi soalan SPM, anda tidak akan mampu mendapat straight A jika Allah x izinkan"

(3)

Bila seseorang itu tenggelam dalam kemaksiatan, dia akan tenggelam dalam kelemahan iman
"Dan musibah apa pun yang menimpa kamu adalah kerana perbuatan tanganmu sendiri, dan Allah memaafkan banyak (dari kesalahan-kesalahanmu)"
as-syura:30

3rd: Wrap it up!

So guys.. The conclusion is..
If u never read this then u should totally go to the nearest bookstore NOWW and purchase it! cuz u know what..
This small little mag just contains abundance of knowledge and insight about life, religion and current issues that happening in our muslim world.. Just like u got everything in it and it's really3x fascinating i tell ya..

4th: oopss forgot.. Comparison

So just a lil bit on comparison,
Usually other mags provide lots of facts from page to page..
Like it just purely facts without good wordings..
Which i am so not going to read every single one of it.. Cuz i get bored easily..
But this one has short and compact facts with interesting stories.. N I just.. Awhh i'm in love with it

5th: Rating!

I rate this magazine with 9.8 out of 10 marks
So guys.. That's it for today.. Thanks for reading! Assalamualaikum :)


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

my lil angah has grown up :')

Ohoi..
Lmenye aq x update..
Ahwell sbnrny aq dh ape a.. Mcm insaf skitla..
n i restrain myself from twitter hahah..
yelah i wanna avoid bnda yg sia2..
so it kinda helps me to focus on my study a lil tbh..
xdela tiap mse nk scroll tl kn..
it's greatlah so far..
and aq rse hidup aq pun mkin ok alhamdulillah..

oh n angah is hving pmr now n idk y but i feel like awhh my baby sister has grown up.. :')
mcm x caye.. dh besar dh adik aq ni..
n maybelah most of the time ppl thought tht i look more immature than her but she's still my lil sis that i used to protect when i was a child n always will when she needs me.. insyaAllah..
Now, my lil sis has grown up so well n become very beautiful n intelligent n i'm really really glad abt that..
we used to fight a LOT back then.. mse kecik lah n haha i always membebel like mak nenek when arguing with her.. cuz thts me lol..
n she'll scream with her serak basah voice *dulu serak basah mcm ramli sarip sbb dia ske nangis* n the most common fight between us was the pulling-hair fight..
awhh i miss those moments when i always became the champion lol.. now she's stronger than me lah cuz somehow i am like u know not very tall XD
oh btw we still have a video of us berebut katil mse kecik lol..

we always spend our time together dri kecik smpai besar..
going to the same tourney, camp etc..
even the moment when i started to have a memory is when i was walking with her..
i remembered walking to our nenek's house which is just behind our house *dulu dduk kt kmpg* and suddenly it's like pap n everything becomes clearer n thts when i discovered that i have my memory :D
*don't question this.. it's my life fact*
so i don't remember a single thing about being alone or anything..
i always have her besides me in my memory..
n when she's small i like to make up stories to scare her..
now that she has grown up n discovered all that i feel powerless lol..

n pagi td while walking together entering the school..
i wished her the best n while we got separated when we went our own ways i just..
idk i felt relieved n touched tht my baby sis has grown up but at the same time i also felt nervous tht she's going to sit for pmr.. like omg i really hope ur going to chill n just rock the questions..
n she seemed chill it just that im nervous.. for her lol..
idk wht is tht
but it's mixed feelings..
weird huh?

anyway i'm just glad tht we all have grown up in a good way n all those childhood memories are just beautiful sometimes i don't even realize that i am this old hahah..
it feels like it just yesterday that i make up stories and taught her nonsense things.. and it's really funny when she laughed because she thinks wht she did is really good while it actually isn't cuz i lied to her n she trusted me hahah.. kids time biasalah..

hmmm
time flies so fast, we all have grown up yet we are still kids at heart :')

p/s: plg best mse kecik was when i made a mistake, got caught then i lied pastu angah yg kena marah.. but she was soo innocent she didn't say a word n accept the punishment willingly.. hehehe srry sis XD

p/s2: i just asked mom to correct my grammar on this post n she said: tp masa kecik along xdelah nmpak nakal..
n i was like: well.. it's because i'm 'that' good :P

Saturday, September 28, 2013

getting scolded

this morning, mom was not in a good mood..
and as usual my sisters fought at the table during breakfast..
mom was pissed off and we got scolded..
each of us..
to be honest..
i did have those hard-feelings..
but then,
i dunno why..
i feel some sort of happiness and relieved..
that i finally got scolded..
i feel happy that finally mom tells me to do what's right..
i feel happy that finally mom wants me to be a better person..
idklah.. it's weird right?

before this,
mom was a lil bit busy since she got promoted..
and she tried her best to spend her time for us if she could..
she would buy most of the things that we asked because she said she feel sorry for those times that she can't spend with us..
and tbh it's great to have new clothes, new tudung and stuffs..
but i just dunno why.. i don't feel happy..

day by day i think i become more ungrateful for what we have right now and asked for more..
and more..
and still, i never feel satisfied..
but today..
when mom told us how hard she works just to make sure that our needs is fulfilled ...  and how we all just acted like a king, keep asking for things and did nothing than keep complaining..
i just feel like it's a wake up call..
i know it sounds lame..
but for such a long time..
i've been blinded with all these luxury, i never really appreciate what mom and dad did for us..
i just keep asking for things i forgot how hard actually they tried to grant my wish..
and when she mentioned all those things..
somehow i feel relieved and realize how spoiled and ungrateful i was..

all in all.. i just feel relieved that i still got the chances to mend things..
it's good to know my mistakes..
it's good to know that it's not too late to change..

thanks for scolding me, mom :)

p/s: n oyeah she took our handphone too.. and it's kinda boring now but meh maybe it's the best for us ;)

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Quizzass

Pagi ni aq determined gler nk cri bku koko *sbnrny aq xnk dtg skolah*
Pastu aq pun niat nk dtg lmbat skit skolah sbb bku koko dh kna hntr esok..
So aq nk cri smpai jumpalah klu x hmm kosonglah markah aq..
Then cari punya cari xde gak..
Dlm pkul 8 lebih tu aq pun nk pergi skolah..
Skali teringat hri ni ad pelawat..
So demi mnjaga nama baik maahad..
Aq pun x jd dtg pagi tu..
Aq nk dtg petang skit lps hbis kls utk join kls tmbhn..
So xdela aq trserempak ngn pelawat ke ape..
Yelah aq xnak diorg tgok perangai pelajar maahad yg buat skolah mcm skolah moyang mereka sendiri walaupun hakikatnya itulah yg aq lakukan..
Tapi.. Aq kan sayang maahad..
Xnaklah krn aq sorg trcemar identiti skolah..
Har har har..
Pstu aq pun smpi2 skolah then join kls tmbahan BI..
N kitorg main quiz!!!
Series best gler!!!
Aq rse tulah antara kelas BI plg best thn ni..
Tp gentle la farhah plg semangat..
N thts one of the reason kitorg muncul Juara!!
Farhah pnye semangat tu, belum tc smpat pilih dia lg dia dh ckp jwpn..
Mmg swag glerlah.. Hahaha
Tp bestlah.. Aq rse semangat competitive bersaing ngan kwn2 tu mmg best..
Pastu yg plg bestnya ble tgok kwn2 yg pendiam pun jd excited n brsemangat nk jwb quiz..
Siap ad yg mcm dh nk brdebat dah..
X sgka tul korg ni.. Klh aq.. Haha..
Seronoklah blaja camni..
Fun n dia mcm mncungkil inner side smua org..
Nmpaklah bler dh smgt tu, mcm2 trkeluar..
So thts it i think..
Actually im rlly looking forward to this kind of learning session in the future..
It builds up confidence, creates a healthy competition among students n it is fun!
So the conclusion is, elect me for malaysia next education minister kay? Salam :D

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Mereka - room 4

Td last kls ngn member2 room 4..
Sedih x yah ckp ah..
It's too heart-wrenching i cannot cry..
Sedihnya nk lpskn smua org..
Wlupun aq mgkin x rapat sgt ngn diorg smua..
Tp aq syg every single one of them..
I feel like they are my family..
Rse seronok je dkt iu dgn diorg smua..
Farizah my bff..
Twins diana n nadia my sweet besties..
Aqilah my two yrs classmate + bff..
Gon clever jessian..
Sofiya admath genius..
Hazirah our sweetheart..
Azizul - who blivs tht physics is all abt logic
Hazman the joker
Arif n afiq which i cannot differentiate :D
Najihah our new buddy..
Qaid - hazman's best friend
Iqbal is like our respectful leader
Danial our new kid
Fitri my ex schoolmate
Farisha the beautiful one..
N of course cgu fana yg comel, cgu alia yg cool+caring gler, cgu dayah yg sgt baik hati, cgu midi, cgu anep, cgu azwan..
Every single of them means so much to me..
I wish that i could freeze the time n stay forever young with them..
But hey, life goes on :(
Haish..
Ni belum lg hbes skolah..
Knpalah hidup ni msti ad prtemuan n prpisahan?
Sedih tau tak..
Apa2 pun.. aq doakan smg kita smua dpt straight A+ dlm spm.. aminnnn :')

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Crushed

Between their hopes n my dream..
Between them and me..
Between the reality and past..
They all hit me..
For a second, i turn crazy..
Too much for me to take..
Too hard for me to handle..
Too heavy for me to keep..

Everything comes at once..
I feel suffocated then my heart breaks into pieces..
I can feel all those sharp edges hitting my chest..
It's too painful i cannot cry..

I want to seek for tranquility to mend my broken heart..
But silence makes it worst..
It keeps bleeding until i feel like half of me died already..

Maybe

i don't belong here..

Or maybe i need a time machine..

I myself don't even know.

Life is very hurting to me but i keep it inside..
Because i know he or she, would never understand..
How broken and torn i am..
Also, i know that one day it will go..
Far far away leaving me with thousands of regrets..
Or otherwise

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

the so messed up post


p/s: i write and write and when i read it back, it sounds like a cow.. i think my brain speaks cow and is not functioning well right now

so today, i'm officially finished my last trial paper!!!!
you don't know how awesome that feels like!
like seriously..
these past three weeks have been a great torture to me..
IMAGINE!
every single night, before going to sleep, i always thought about  HOW I AM NOT SO PREPARED FOR THIS EXAM n HOW COULD IT BE SO SOOOON n HOW SPM WOULD BE SOO NEARRR..
and i tried hardly to sleep thinking that having exam on the other day is like a nightmare..
every night, i cannot believe myself that MANNN  I REALLY REALLY HAVE MY TRIAL EXAM TOMORROW!!!!!
and that's awful..
bcuz of too stress, i distracted myself by tweeting or watching short vlogs..
and the next day i'll be like, I'M SOO NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE I'M NOT PREPARED AT ALL AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I REALLY HAVE EXAMS AND when i reached school, that unbelievable feeling is still there and WHEN. WHEN. i see the questions i'll be like, oh! this is freaking real...
and answering the questions was like pfftttt..
i was like oh i so don't know about this and i should be prepared next time for spm, no time to play around dah.. lucky me this is trial, next time i should do it better..
and no matter how terrible my answers are, i just cannot be sad because i know that the blame is on me right from the start and i cannot do anything more than just planning to be better after this.
i mean. it sucks.
but i hope everything is going to turn out well miraculously because we can never stop hoping until things have became permanent..
so i'm hoping and praying because that's the only thing i can do now, study more and better planning..
cuz it's all in all what i should give back to my parents..
i, as a child, live a high cost life..
my parents need to pay, sacrifice and do SOO many things for me..
which i feel bad.
and i'm not like the most awesome child in the world, i could be the worst though...

but.
i thought about all the tuition fees and stuffs..
and one night i was awake and i heard mum n dad talking about ptptn..
and i would feel totally ashamed and guilty if they apply me for ptptn because of what i've put them through and still not giving back what i supposed to give as a daughter..
i think you get it..

on the other hand,
i am very optimistic right now and believe that i should be better and plan better and do everything better because of my parents.. and also for the sake of my love towards knowledge.. i mean.. i love discovering new things, learning.. it's awesome.. i just don't fancy exam somehow.. but if i don't do well in spm, i won't be able to discover more amazing things beyond.. and i would miss all those things.. and that's why i should do well, so that i can give back to my parents, show a good example to my sister, gain the opportunities to hunt for more and better knowledge and be a good muslim..

i realized that the more the knowledge you have, the more powerful you become as a muslim..
and you will also have more power to change the world to a better place, gain trust and give hopes..
if i'm not an intelligent and known person, my Prime Minister won't probably hears my so-reasonable-but-doesn't-sound-quite-reasonable-thought.. so do the people.. everybody wants something that sounds legit..
if you yourself are not a successful person in life than how will your plans become successful?
they will question that..

oyeah and also with more knowledge, we will be more exposed to things, facts and realities..
we will know and discuss big deals, the real problem and so.
because intellectual people get those opportunities to join in big discussions and their life always surround by great people, great problems, great facts and etc...

so that's why..
i think i've written so many things i can feel my head spinning right now..
so till then :)



Wednesday, August 28, 2013

blabbering.

Honestly since tomorrow we'll be having english paper,
i believe that it's okay to blabber in my blog..
well,
to be honest, nowadays i feel detach from the people i used to mingle around before..
it's like.. because of the demands to concentrate on my studies,
i pushed away certain things that i love to do like debate and stuff..
i feel kinda bad but i just cannot put my heart into it when i feel really exhausted because i have too many things to do..
i would love to join training but maybe not at the time being..
but still i want to peek at them if i have time..
because that's my passion..

so currently exam week stressed me a lot..
because i got something on my mind that i'm trying to get rid of
but, it stays there.. and it disturbs me a lot..
many say you can control what you think
but surely you cannot control what's going to pop out on your mind..
hahah.. maybe with controlling your surrounding by not exposing yourself to it..
i've tried but man.. it's a small world and it just happened,,

anyway,
i think about how crazy i am nowadays since i risked everything because of that one disturbance..
and i cannot get it out of my mind..
if you have tips, do share because i'm in a dire need of that like seriously..

heyy
i feel awesome and all hype out writing all these stuffs..
i mean it's not an important stuff...
just random..
but the feeling of me blabbering in english feels awesome..
feels like me debating and talk to debaters..
it flows soo well i missed those moments..

hahah..
i'm killing all my hallucination now..
and i'm trying to kill things that remind me of it..
it's painful but meh.
i'm weak and i won't stay longer if i live in this hallucination..
or whatever..

so wish me for tomorrow and forever,
and for the first time, i want my feet to walk on earth and be more realistic xD

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

moodswing

esk exam chem tp rse mls giler nk study..
tah angin ape tah mlm ni tetibe x nk study chem..
dhla fav subject cme hati rse x nak gak study..
pstu mmg xde mood lgsg..
bkk bku, ttup blk..
apela nk jd dgn aq ni
dhla nk spm..
ni smua msti sbb byk lagho sbb tu hlg smua smgt..
Ya Allah stressssss

Sunday, August 25, 2013

symphony of life

sometimes we found something that we love so much and we hold it tight as if we don't want to let it go..
we grip it because we are afraid that one day we will lose them..

but there will be time...
when we have to loosen our grip, let them go, move on and believe that there's always better things in front..

it's a phase of life..

so
just keep your faith n believe..

cuz i'm keeping mine too...
^_-

Friday, August 23, 2013

breaking point

when you feel the tears in your heart and listen to each drops continuously hitting your chest, you know that it is bleeding badly

Saturday, August 17, 2013

do we?

btw i've found this 


credits to peliks.blogspot.com

The empty playlist

I don't know why i should right at the moment when the trial is soo near but i miss writing here and i don't want my 'house' to be empty with old stories and stuffs..

so recently, lots of things came across my mind and i wish i could write them all..
it was mad and crazy..
all of them came banging on my head like missiles penetrating my membrane cells..
told ya it was crazy..
half of me is not me any more..

certain times i hope people will understand..
and when they don't, i know that it's because they are not in my position so i keep being what i suppose to be..
i tried to kill the time as much as i could..
but i have limits too..
sometimes i take a break, have a cheat day, watch movies
cuz i know i need that break..
that was ok.

what's not ok is when, at the moment that i hope people will understand me, i don't understand people..
i don't even wait or take some times to understand them because it will be long and i just want to understand myself for the moment and yet try to not be too selfish..

in a short word, recently, i lost my temper easily.
like a bomb that can explode any time/ most of the time..
i feel bad after that but i hope people around me will understand..
i can't think about this too long because it hurts..

but i tried my best to help people when they need it when i am in a good condition..
i hope that covers the wounds that i've made..
and i know covering will still leave the scars..

but anyway,
my life right now is not like before,
filled with mixed melodies..

it's kinda empty and sometimes i feel like a robot because i have no feeling for people..

but.
i must be patient.
this is just for a while.
i will be free.
soon.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

the last pre-raya post

in abt 20+ mins, we're goin to celebrate aidilfitri!
so going back to my home town this year, i know and very aware of my upcoming trial after raya..
so i put a target to finish spm books for bio, addmath, sejarah n mathmode this week at kampung and the rest is to be continued pada mggu hdpn..
ttp disebabkan trlalu bz mnziarah sedara2 (even blum raya) n tlg mnceriakan dinding serta tingkap rmh nenek, maka segala kitab turun temurun yg aq bwk blk pun selamat beradu dlm beg kesayangan..
huhuhu..
and finally hri nilah bru aq mcm free sikit..
jd dgn keazaman thp gunung everest, aq pun bkk bku spm addmath n buat progression sbb pd aq dlm dok byk2 tajuk, progression yg aq blh buat sblum tngok bku rujukan..
hahah nmpk x kemalasan menyelak bku di situ ><
so tetibe dok tgh aq setup pensel box, kalkulator tu, dtgla sepupu aq yg kecik sorang..
tgok n mnggeledah pensel box aq..
so aq pun bg dia krtas n highlighter biar dia main diam2..
bru aq nak angkat pen, gedebushhh dtg pulak tentera2 kecik yg lain..
hmm fyi sepupu aq major perempuan so u know girls..
mmg bising yg tu nk krtas, yg tu nk pen, yg tu nk marker, yg tu nk pen wrna pink..
aq pun dgn sabarnya *cehh melayan kerenah sorang2..
dah aman semua dpt kertas n pen so masing2 buat kerja masing2..
sekali dok aq buat addmath tu,
dtg pulak aiman ngn syafiq..
"eh along tgok kalkulator memanglah senang"
"eh along tiruuuu"
"mana boleh tgok kalkulator"
dan mereka pun menimbulkan kontroversi kpd si kecik yg lain mgenai 'peniruan' aq..
so aq pun bkk kuliah hri rabu dan menerangkan betapa wlupun guna kalkulator, still x dpt 100% sbb formula n etc..
and aiman dgn semangatnya cakap ohhh klu addmath mcm tu, cer kaklong amik bku matematik biasa aiman nk tgok..
n aq pun mcm aiyoo man.. skola menengah mng kna gne kalkulatorlaaaa
x menyempat-nyempat aq nk buat addmath melayan sorang2..
last2 aq sruh aiman amik bku dia spy dia blh study sme2 dgn aq drpd brtanya byk soalan yg mmeningkn..
aiman upsr thn ni so tulah..

last2 aq smpt buat 5 soalan progression pper one n tlh mnjd penat krn kehausan air dan kedahsyatan minda dlm melayan kerenah bdk2 ni..

so aq dh x larat n ttup bku pstu tdo sat..
msuk zuhur solat then melayan bdk2 kecik ni..
seronok layan diorang ni sbnrnya disebabkan depa yg honest n comel..
hahah dan menguji kesabaran..

n bru td, pak itam promote kt diorg sape yg tlg basuh dinding, dpt main counter strike..
tgh dok aq cuci dinding, dtglah assistant brbondong-bondong nk tlg..
even yg kecik2 comel sekali.. hahaha..
kecoh jugak..
sebukla msg2 nk cari berus lah, kain lah, glove lah..
last2 aq ckp xpela..
pstu syafiq ckp : x blh, kita nk tlg jugak, nnt dpt main CS..

=="

lps tu dgn penuh smgt diorg pun geledah satu rmh nenek utk cari kain buruk n berus..
wlupun ada yg kecik comel, still semangat nk sental dinding, pintu..

hahah trus x penat aq jdnya buat keje ngn diorg..
paklang selaku manager program-cuci-dinding pun trharu dgn kesungguhan krja diorg yg menyebabkn dinding nenek putih brsinarr..

moral of the story, never underestimate children, they are restless and energetic, there are many things that they can do constantly berbanding kita yg sudah tua dan sakit tulang belakang ni.. and also, many hands make light work!

additional info : i'm the eldest cucu dkt family sblh mak so u cn imagine how kecik kemetot my cousins are xD

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

pre-raya post III

home town makes me feel free, honest and happy...
it's like some fragments of me are left here..
now that i'm back, i can feel those fragments forming a statue of happiness and it's so perfect..
i wish everybody feels the same about their home town

Sunday, August 4, 2013

pre-raya post II

-it's easy to stain a white cloth but it's hard to remove the dirt once it's there-

pre-raya post

it's almost raya which means ramadan is leaving
and when ramadan is leaving, devils r coming...
i don't like the idea having devils around..
they had already created the devil in me and even though they left because of ramadan, the devil in me stayed..
and i hate it..
it restricts me from enjoying what others do in ramadan..
i tried to get rid of it but it's hard because it stucks stronger than stain..
and this tarbiyah month got me thinking a lot..
about changing, achieving tranquility and stuff..
but still it's hard..
it's like one time i want to change badly and hours after that it doesn't really seem necessary and i just don't want to think about it..
it's like i am two persons..
one is me and one is the devil in me..
i hate it a lot..
and when the real devils come back, they will make the devil in me grow stronger and i don't want that to happen..
hmmm

not to spoil the mood of raya:

before this ends, i want to wish everybody selamat hari raya! the trial month will be over, then you need to face the 'real' challenge.. so guys pack your stuff  while you can.. fill your backpack, we still got few days.. ;)

p/s: selamat hari raya kpd yg tiba2 teringat dan x sempat jumpa hari tu ;)

Thursday, August 1, 2013

mereka II

recently,
i think i changed a lil bit..
i can't say whether it's good or bad cuz i don't want to judge myself lol,
for the moment, i just want to be free and do what i want to do..
i don't overthink when doing something, i just do it when i feel like it and i love that feeling..
it feels free and awesome like you just do it with those great feelings..
never less a bit cuz you're doing it right at the moment..

so lately i've been thinking about my friends a lot..
i love each of them the way they are and frankly speaking, i don't want us to get separated..
yes we may have a reunion or what so..
but there are soo many of us and we can't gather everybody at once when each person has diff job n schedule..
and that fact upset me lil bit..
i mean, we can wish that our friendship is eternal but it is impossible to return to the school days when we prank each others, pull ones scarve, hide stuffs, throw pencil box..
it was amazing and great!
regarding to the fact that we only have few times left,
i have to change..
not in terms of anything that is important,
it just that i wanna change as in i want to create lots n lots of great memories with them and cheer a lot so there is nothing dull or ugly for us to look back one day..
and..
i don't care what people say at this state
cuz i bliv tht i'm still me but i tend to be more real now i guess..
hahah what's that suppose to mean?

anyway,
i used to give in in arguments n stuffs before..
cuz i'm like the-greatest-world-peacemaker over the centuries lol xD
but
now, when there're arguments,
i just fight back n say what i want to say cuz it feels fun and i want to remember this and i know that our fights won't last long cuz we're 17 for god sake and we won't fight like dayss.. it will be like nothing happened and we're friends back xD
and those fights feel worth it..
i don't really fight back because i am angry or what, it just that i feel that it's fun to make someone mad :O
*ouch
it's just for fun :D

hahah
so we have less time now..
but lets make out the most out of the most..
don't question my hyper-activeness and loudness
that's really what i want to do now..
i would love to remember about how funny and messed up we are..
how sarah ran with one shoe because i asked yb to hide the other shoe somewhere, how we hit each other out of the blue, how i threw enab pencil box awaay, how enab moved all my stuff to other table while i'm actually doing my works, how farhah hide my watch a lot of time, how fizah pull my scarve *which was not expected* and i pulled her scarve back for sure xD, how yb sang raya song everytime i asked a question today, how fizah mimicking people hahah..
those are great memories..
there are abundance of them that i can share and share and it will never ends..
i will miss each of them and i will remember how united we are sharing secrets and stories and teasing each other..
there are so much that we have done in this short time and i'm looking forward for more before the school ends..

till then,
assalamualaikum :D

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Mereka

"Why do i need to have the faintest memory with my friends"

Bkk wechat, tgok moments, kwn2 upload gmbar iftar.
Bkk blog kwn, pun update psl iftar.
Tbh, aq teringin nk join diorg smua.
Last year, n gathering mcm ni bkn blh buat selalu.
Tp parents aq x bg..
Sbb spm reasons which i kinda disagree
But anyway, hidup ni x leh lwn parents..
Nnt x berkat..
U cn argue but accept their decisions..
Biarlah..
Allah lebih tahu hikmahnya

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Etcetera

I always lead to nowhere,
But there's always something that comes in my way

The thing is, whatever it is, just grab it, there's always something that you can do with anything

Saturday, July 20, 2013

the sky is not my limit, i am



beberapa hari lalu,
hidup aq rasa mcm naik roller coaster,
ups and downs yg laju giler..
x menyalahkan sesiapa,
bersyukur sebab semua tu ujian Allah..

dia dan dia, kau dan mereka
semua tu ujian
nak tengok sekental mana iman di dada
dan sehebat mana akalku bisa berkata-kata

fuhhh
*mengeluh sekejap*
macam lepas naik roller coaster,
penat.
tapi macam mana pun hidup kena sentiasa move on..
kalau nak difikirkan..
dari sejak aq lahir,
dh berapa kali aq terfikir-fikir untuk give up bila aq frust or rasa cam dh buntu sangat..
but in the end, there's always a way dan...
TADAAAAAA
here i am..
still here, breathing perfectly well,
passed my UPSR, PMR *those-exhausting-exams*
passed certain challenge that i thought i would rather die than facing it..
and yeah here. i. am.

so that was the past..
after living for 17 years and a few days *bajet berpengalaman sebentar*
i've learnt that, in life, there are always two things that will happen when things happen..
first, you succeed and be happy
second, you don't succeed, cry a river and then move on, learn something new and be a better person..

from what i've finally learnt,
i feel more mature
when i want to do something and i'm afraid of the consequences ,
i'll tell myself those two things..
if this is not happening then i'll just move on..
simple and i have anything to lose..

being dare to do things and accept challenges is extremely fun,
the feeling of putting your efforts,
worrying about those things.. are great!
and the best part is when i tell myself that i'm up for the challenges after making my decisions..
yup it feels great to choose who are going to hurt you and how you're going to get hurt..
cuz, even if i get hurt, i feel satisfied that i'm awared of that before :D

so now,
even if it's not spring and blossom,
it will be great later..
i always believe in that..
whatever it is,
every true story will has a happy ending :)










p/s: i think now mom will give in to my decision to become a csi, she has admitted to my teacher that i've been dreaming to become one since i was a lil child.. lets just pray for the best :D

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

first ramadan

So, how was the first day of ramadan feels like?

To me, it was quite tiring and i got a headache but everything goes slowly this month which makes it very calm and i love it..

Much to my surprise,
lots of people are changing.. in just a blink of an eye, today..
most of my friends, they started to increase their good deeds,
the mosque during recess is now full with students performing duha prayer which is really nice :)
before this, usually students will go to the canteen or perform their duties during recess,
but since it's ramadan, our teachers started to reduce the school's activity and give more time for us to recite qur'an and perform our prayer..
and i think the best thing in maahad during ramadan is tadarus Al-Qur'an..
it's quite rare for us to tadarus together in other months, but during ramadan, it is compulsory for all of us to tadarus together..
i love tadarus since we get to recite qur'an together..
it's like everybody is going for it and it's fun!
the best part is that you get to recite it with your friends..
it feels better than reciting it alone :D
it adds enjoyment on our hunt to increase our good deeds..
and nobody is left behind :')

so i think that's it.. i'm quite fatigue to tell more about my first day and elaborate it..
but let's just have something than nothing isn't it? hahah..
well i kinda miss my friends on twitter and tweeting too.. which is one of the reason why i keep updating my blog.. it's just simply because i want to talk..
heheh.. i think my blog is like my second home, a form of escapism from the real world and a medium to express my thoughts and feelings..
it's been almost five years and it never gets old..
okaylah salam guys!

p/s: btw how was your first ramadan feels like? :D


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Salam ramadan :)

Salam guys!
So ramadan is finally here!!
Say alhamdulillah everybody!!! Alhamdulillah that this year we have been chosen to meet this wonderful month again!
We are the chosen one!

Soooo
Since it's ramadan, i bliv tht we should use this opportunity to grab the chances and multiple our good deeds..
Now, I would not talk about fadhilat ramadan or etc..
U should go to google or ur ustaz n ask them abt it straight away..
Or read articles from iluvislam.com
Lots of things u can get in just one click!

So here, i just wanted to share my view of this noble month..
Firstly, before ramadan, i did fast and i felt extremely hungry..
And as a person who eats a lot, it was terrible!
But the hunger and all, they made me think about what our brothers and sisters are facing out there..
They face hunger everyday with no sufficient daily needs and so on..
So i just need to be grateful for what i have now..
I mean yee mmg aq lapaaar sgt.. But imagine diorg rse mcm tu the whole day/week/year/life diorg.. Sedih doe.

So silalah bersyukur.. :)

Oyeah n mse ramadan ni..
Jadual x padat sgt.. Yep sbb smua org akn lapar..
So kita ad byk mse utk muhasabah dan perbetul niat..
Mgkin dlm ramadan ni kita x mampu nak jd sehebat ulama, tapi kita cuba berikan yg terbaik and yg penting usaha..
Hmm usaha x kisah besar kecik tp pstikan ikhlas..
Kdg2 bnda kecik yg manusia pndg remeh tulah sbnrnya kunci kpd kejayaan..
So klu nmpk kakak or abang termenung jauh n anda sdg baca quran, jgnlah terdetik kat hati yg diorg tu buang masa or etc..
Mungkin diorg tgh muhasabah..
Mencari kekuatan utk perbetulkan n pertingkatkan rohani..
X semestinya kena baca quran 24/7 baru hidup bahagia,
Klu mcm tu sng Allah sruh kita baca je quran x payah buat bnda lain,
X pyh muhasabah, zuhud, tawadhu' dn sebagainya..
So.. Sempena ramadan byk bnda yg anda blh lakukan..
Kan byk msa lapang, skolah hbis awal,
X semestinya cpt2 khatam quran,
Blh je anda gunakan masa sebulan ni utk kuat kan rohani sebagai persediaan utk mghadapi cabaran hidup..
Dptkn tidur secukupnya,
Baca buku ilmiah,
Eratkan ukhwah ngan rakan,
Muhasabah,
Betulkan niat..
Dsbg..

And kalau anda nak baca quran pun x salah, tp biar berkualiti..
X fhm maksud semua ayat x pe..
Yg penting pastikan tajwid dan makhraj betul..
Masa nilah nak cek balik mana kurangnya dlm bacaan kita n betulkan balik..
Klu maksud tu selalunya scan tafsir 4 mukasurat x sampai seminit habis..
So yg penting bacaan tu biar betul spy x lari maksud ayat..
Elok lg kalau tasmi' bacaan dgn org yg pndai bab2 baca quran ni..
Yelah kdg2 x sedar dh bertahun xde ustaz ustazah nk cek bacaan, kita baca je sendiri..
Tanpa disedari byk sbnrnya salah..
So tadarus lah klu nk baca, dpt betulkan mana betul mana salah..

Oklah i need to sleep now..
Whatever ur aiming this year, go for it! Improve yourself the way you want it..
Last, pray for me tau :D

~salam ramadan~

Saturday, July 6, 2013

full of satisfaction :)

finally i ran!!
hahah i didn't really have the courage to do so but when our leader, nadhrah told me that i can do it,
i just wanted to believe in myself..
and my friends kept telling me to enjoy the fun and try my best..
so i did n i got 7th place out of 8 but it was okay..
it was fun and i finished my run and the whole thing was soo amazing..
seeing my friends enjoyed everything.. and i did tooo..
it's a bless that i can't describe even with words..

this is the last year for us the form 5 students and it meant soo much to me and to my friends too..
after acara puteri, we had perbarisan..
and we wore cloak which was really cool..
i felt awesomeee
the costume and all was just perfect..

lastly..
the best part was when, first,
tarik tali..
i was shouting zuhal all the time sampai serak suara lol..
haha and they won!!
i felt sooo great even though i was not participating hahah..

secondly was when they announced that we are the champion for this year!!!
3 years in a row, zuhal is the champion!!!!
i felt amazing and touched..
this is our last year n this is the best memory for my highschool year..
thanx guys :')

Friday, July 5, 2013

nervous

cuak cuak cuak...
takut gler until my alarm berbunyi n play hall of fame..
i guess running is supposed to be much easier than banging god's door..
thus i shld be able to give my best..
i just keep listening to this song and internalize the meaning
*inhale.. exhale..
pheww

tomorrow: sport's day :O

so it's my last year and finally i would like to take part in sport's day..
it has been a long time i didn't take part since i'm too lazy
lololol..
the last time was during form 1, i was taking part in 200 meters..
during form 2, i supposed to run for 400 meters but unfortunately,
a few days before sport's day, our math teacher penalized us..
with every wrong answer, we need to do 'ketuk ketampi' ten times on the spot..
and i had ten wrong answers ><"
after ketuk ketampi for 100 times..
i couldn't feel my leg any more..
it was terribly painful, i couldn't even walk properly..
so did my classmates..
so i quit for 400 meters..
man.. how am i supposed to run?
one of my friends still wanted to involve in lompat jauh and she ended up with ankle ligament injury..
to make it short, since that incident she can't participate in lompat jauh anymore..

so that's the story..
i've gave up on sports when i was form 3 because of pmr..
i don't want to be active or what so..
i also left netball way behind even though i used to be a netball player..
meh.. it's tough.. but sports at my school is not that fun back then..
they always prioritized the hostelians which is kinda a bad thing for me..
since i have tuition and can't stay back.. hmm

so now here i am,
form 5.. all grown up..
so i thought maybe this year i would take part in sports..
and i get choosed for 200 meters which i think i can go on with since i used to compete for 200 meters back then..
but meh i'm not the same..
my health condition is worse now since i'm not active..
what am i expecting duhh?
my impulse per minute this year is 80+ compared to when i was form 1 which is 58 per minute..
which shows how very inactive i was this past 4 years..
and just now i practised with a friend and i can't make it till 200 meters..
i think it's like 100 sumthing and i stopped..
i can't continue..
i felt like puking and fainting..
and sport's day tomorrow..
i don't want to fail them..
but how?

p/s: i should have exercised often and had a balanced diet.. that's what we all should do from the very beginning.. not just when sport's day is around the corner.. we should all love our body.. it's  truly a gift

Thursday, July 4, 2013

the house is lonely

so there's a new thing..
the kids have grown up
and..
they don't fight 24/7 like they used to do before..
and that supposed to be a good thing right..
but..
the house is soooo lonely..
without the quarrel and all..
don't misunderstood me..
i love peace but being lonely in a quiet house is something that is..
kinda unbearable for me..
hahah..
i love noise..
or actually now i realize i love noise..
or actually i would like to talk to someone when i'm at home..
but there's no one..
ude has gone to asrama..
and i miss her everyday badly..
she is always there for people..
she always make time for everybody..
i can tell that everybody in the house miss her and how mum looks sooo enlighten knowing that she'll be back at home this week..
i'm excited too..

that day she called home and i was answering the phone, i pranked her..
because i miss her soo badly..

Me: Helo
Ude: Helo, nak ckp ngan abah boleh tak?
Me: Helo ni balai polis kajang, boleh saya bantu?
Ude: O ea..
tetttttt ( tefon mati)

and i was like.. what??
she believe that?
alahhh nape letak tefon.. ntah2 bnda penting..
dan 1000 sesalan datang..

ana mom was like, alonggg ude ke??
tak baik along ni...
nasib baik abah is not there or i'm dead xD

i was hoping that she called back and luckily there's another ring..
mase angkat terus ckp: udeee ni along ni... ude percaya ke tadi?
*cuz i was afraid that she will hung up*
she was like.. alonggggg tak baiklah.. along ni.. takut tau.. ude tgok nombor dh betul dah.. tp tiba2 tercall balai polis.. along ni x baik lah...
and i was laughing real hard..
hahah.. i miss her..

then abah blik and mom told her about my prank..
abah terus cakap : along kalau ada benda penting ke, dia nak apa2x ke... *nada dh mcm nak serius so i gelak and act like nothing happen, talk about something else n cepat2 masuk bilik..

phewww

so my house is kinda lonely now since my two younger sis slalu tidur awal..
if i have tuition lagilah x sempat langsung nak borak..
and angah she prefers playing mine craft and tweeting or anything else she did with the computer in her room.. so my house kinda feel like it is inhibited..
hahah.. i know right, it's a lie..
adelah my bibik, my mom and my dad..
tp my dad slalu kluar and mom often sleeps early too..
so yeah.. i miss ude

oyeah that two lil kids...
talking about them growing up and become nicer.. *hew hew
that day when i was fasting, wardah made a milo drink for me which was really nice of her :')
and today, sofeyyah made my mum and me roti+cheese and watermelon juice for our iftar today..and it was really nice.. she hurt her finger when cooking for me tho T_T
and she was really excited presenting her cooking for us and i feel touched hahah..
time flies sooo fast and here my sisters are growing up..
huhu..

so i think that's pretty much of what i want to say..
i'm afraid of the future though.. i just want to freeze the time and have my lil sis as kids..
but hey.. i can't go against the nature of the world..
as they growing up i hope they'll become awesome muslimahs one day..

today, i asked mom to adopt a child.. precisely, a lil boy..
this house really feels lonely without children..
hahah and father says no..
which i kinda expected..
i want a boy in the family..
a brother..
hmmm i know how weird it sounds but i guess i feel too lonely lol..

hahah anyway, i can't wait to go back to our village and meet our cousins this raya..
they are still kids u know..
and i'm pretty sure that it's going to be loud and hectic and fun..
i'm looking forward to that..
so, happy ramadhan all..
lets make the most out of the most this ramadhan..

-assalamualaikum-

p/s: can't bear looking at what's happening in mesir right now.. i hope the people can be patience.. mursi is really new for god sake.. what do you expect?

Diving

Life is getting more n more interesting.. Hope i won't sink

Friday, June 28, 2013

officially 17 :D

few days ago i'm officially 17!
and i was really excited about it!
cuz it's the last year i'll be wearing school uniform.. :O
*i still cannot believe this*
which means, after this, i'm not a highschooler any more ..
*i haven't decided yet how i should feel that time* sobs sobs

so, during my birthday,
i received lots of wishes from my best friends..
and it was really nice..
i love them soo much

i guess this year is the best year i've ever had with my friends 
so i named it as a friends year :D
 5 years trying to cope with each other..
this year.. i think, is the year when we finally get to know each other well..
it's really interesting..
having different kind of personalities and we deal with it..
accept the fact that everybody has flaws..
and at the end of the day, we accept each other for who we are..
it's amazing and i won't forget this..

my friends..
they have done so many things for me,
and when things didn't go well..
they are always there for me
patting my shoulders and saying that everything will be fine..
joke with me 24/7..
gossiping all day hahahah..
pakat x buat kerja sekolah.. *uhuk uhuk
pakat prank orang..
be strong for one another..
it is really nice..
and i really appreciate that.. :)
there are times where we're not on the same page..
but it was okay after that..
i guess our fights completed our friendship xD
it's like adding sugar to coffee..

"our friendship is eternal.. together, we hold a strength that no one could ever imagine.."  

btw, i also received wishes from people who aren't even close to me..
and i feel touched..
thanks guys :')


- so here they are.. the wishes :D -












and i thought yb forget about my birthday.. :')



first wish from fizah precisely at 00:00 :D
















oh btw ade lagi yg wish kt fb and secara live.. hahah.. thank you soooo much..
and during maghrib enab called and wished me.. terharu giler masa tu..
and i got free call for the whole day since it's my bday kan.. tp utk maxis to maxis je..
tp x tahu nk call siapa since we all dh borak2 kat wechat and line..

so mlm tu, i saw missed call from kak ulfah.. lg 16 minit bday nk hbes and she's using maxis!! so i called her..
she wished me and we talked abt how i celebrated my birthday which i don't really celebrate because of jerebu so i stayed at home and got my cake that night (Y)
and we talked about srikandi which i'm very thrilled to go and like always, i got new information that peplum is actually an old trend which was created by cleopatra.. hoho..
and that's why talking to kak ulfah is fun :D
to be frank, i kinda miss seeing her around and talk to her about random things.. she's going to uni now.. :(


so guys, thanks again for making me feel like i'm 17.. hahah :D

LOVE YAAAAAA 


btw this is my cake.. i love CAKESSSSS 


❤ White chocolate macadamia from SR 



Monday, June 24, 2013

The worst of the worst

Salam guys..
so recently there are lots of things happening..
If you keep yourself updated, then you will know about the current issues

So..
It hasn't been a fine time for me..
I don't know..
Part of me believe that it was okay but the other part keeps pushing me to feel afraid so that i can get out from my comfort zone..
Certain times, i feel suck..
But alhamdulillah.. i gained strength from my buddies..
They are such an inspiration to me..
I dunno how they can stand being friend with someone who sucks a lot like me,
but what i can tell is that i'm just lucky to have them as companies along this journey..
And secondly, i kinda feel good when i tried to inspire people..
although i'm not really an angel who lives a fine life by living it properly..
but, giving hopes to people is like giving hopes to myself..
and it feels good :)

Another good thing is that, mom's back!
after going to somewhere for 2 weeks,
finally she's home and having her around is such a bless..
she's like the core of the family..
i feel really really grateful cuz i kinda suck at being another mom for a while LOL..
it's stressful, really ><"

okay.. so what am i suppose to talk about,
oyeah..
one day i was picked for PLBS with the pentaksir..
and i sucked hahah.. i didn't know about it so i was not actually prepared for it..
i mean materials and stuff..
and i don't think if i know about it earlier i would prepare for it cuz like hahah
you know me well.. always a last minute person xD

so, i talked about syria cuz i remembered what fakhry shared with us from our last training and..
BOOM, i can't conclude,
i can tell the stories and hey, i can't conclude..
and i stuttered a lot..
but lets just let bygones be bygones..

and last friday i promised my adik2x usrah to meet them before class at the canteen..
i've prepared a few things to share with them..
but suddenly there was a spotcheck.. and the prefect in my class didn't allow me to get out from my class..
and i thought they can't get out from their class too..
however, they did..
and waited for me.. and i wasn't there..
at last, they recite Qur'an on their own and went to their class afterwards..
and i feel bad until now..
haish..

and that afternoon my former akak naqibah came!
but i wasn't in a good mood thinking about my adik usrah..
and she was with the form 6 students and i was not feeling comfortable talking to her
so it's kinda awkward.. she seemed excited but i just like hey and uh oh, can i go now?
and that makes me feel bad too..

hahah negativity overload here..

then i read about malaysian students who involved in accidents in Jordan realising how unfortunate they are compared to me..
watched people in turkey vandalized public properties and stores.. and how turkey seems really chaotic right now..

i realised that,
i only faced small small problems..
and life feels like it's going to end right now..
but them, out there, struggling and getting hurt each time yet still enthusiastic to fight for their life..

and right now, i'm not really a happy person,
but i started to look at the world from the third person view..
if you know what i mean

p/s: told yaa, i sucked at concluding :P

Saturday, June 15, 2013

how i wish that i'm not the adult that i used to hate back then

i used to hate adults when i was a child for not understanding me..
i hated the way adults don't believe whatever i was trying to say simply because i'm a lil kid..
i hated them for not able to give me a legit reason for doing so..

that was me. back then..

but now, i am a grown up..
i am an adult to children..
surprisingly, i can't become an adult that i dreamed to be when i was a child..
i can't give legit reasons to children when they don't understand my decisions..
all i think is that, they are children and they won't understand how i've made the right choice..
but that's not important cuz i know better than them..

but the thing is,
sometimes, i feel bad for being an adult that i hated so much when i was a child..
although i understand them now, why they did that but still...
i am just the same person like them back then..
and it hurts to hate them back then and wish for something better yet i didn't change anything when i am actually in the position to change it..

so..
i thought for a while..
about how actually i wanted adults to treat me back then..
but i can't remember that much because i'm not a child anymore..
i don't understand how they feel that something soo small as important,
i can't be them now because i've grown up and the way i see things is different from back then..

i wish when i was a child,
i have a notebook to write all my unsatisfied feelings toward adults so when i am an adult i would understand kids better..
and i can become a better adult...

so maybe.. it's too late for now to grab a time machine and become a kid again..
but maybe what i can do now is to try my best to understand the kids and explain to them how i feel bad being an adult that i hated before.. and ask them to write a diary about their thoughts on life and adults so that when they grow up, they won't repeat the same mistakes like me and become a better adult :)

p/s: i'll write the conclusion later :D


i used to be like them before

including kids :)


the good side of the bad side

i am grateful to know everybody that i know 


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

thanks teacher

this year,
i have a very low expectation for my biology subject..
and today my biology teacher was talking to a girl and she mentioned my name..
cikgu sebenarnya aim.. sape dia.. ha, munierah dpt tggi (lebih kurang mcm nilah)
and i was behind that girl and i was really excited and asked:
teacher, betul ke?? teacher aim saya dpt tggi? kenapa saya? *grin*
and teacher was like, haah cikgu aim awak dapat tggi.. sbb tulah cikgu rasa mcm awak akn dpt tggi (lebih kurang kut)
i silent for a while..
then cikgu tunjuk markah past year, tahun ni and my targeted mark by the system..
i show some improvement and teacher said.. ha.. oklah ni sikit lagi..
and i look at teacher and said..
x pe cikgu, trial nnt saya cuba capai target ni :D
and she smiled and said ha trial nnt cuba betul2x..

after that,
i feel so motivated..
like if my teacher can believe in me,
why can't i believe in myself?

haha sebenarnya jujur cakap..
nak berubah tu.. 85% sebab trharu dgn kata2x cikgu..
and.. of course rasa semangat bila cikgu target kita dapat tinggi..
x kesahlah sekarang ni markah rendah ke tak..
yang penting cikgu dah target tggi,
so now tggal nak prove kan je dkt cikgu yg aq boleh :D



p/s: sekarang masa untuk pandang depan dan tinggalkan semua yang dah lepas :) oh btw now i can finish my writing!!! #Finally

Sunday, June 9, 2013

talk.



there are times when you feel upset,
there are times when you feel depressed,
there are times when you feel down,
and all you need to do is talk..

find somebody,
not the one that you only trust,
but.
you feel comfortable to talk with,

you don't need an expert,
you don't need a psychologist,
you don't need twitter,
you don't need facebook,
you don't need the whole world to listen to your problem..

all you need is somebody who you feel safe to talk to
and somebody who you know will understand your feelings..

the reason is because,
talking to people can actually lessen your burden,
knowing that somebody is there for you,
listening to all your story..
you will know that you're not alone,
and sometimes their thoughts help..
even though sometimes it feels like it is just to comfort you,
but still,
it DOES comfort you..

and there are also times when,
their thoughts can really help you..
because..
sometimes they see what you can't see
and with their view, they can help you through all these problems

and the thing is..
you won't know whether they have the solutions or not
IF you don't talk to them..
you won't know whether somebody really understand you
IF you don't share your problems with them..

and..
you won't lose anything if ANY of the good things above didn't happen to you..
at least, you give a try and make efforts to lessen your burden..
and trust me,
despite the good words and advice, having somebody to listen to your problems is pretty much everything..

try talking to people rather than believing in your own thoughts
because sometimes, we are blinded by our own feelings..
and of course, we won't be able to make the right decisions..
having others insight to your problems can actually help you to neutralize your opinion..

at least...
listen to others thoughts..
then decide on your own what do you want to do..
just have their views..
like i said, you have nothing to lose..

oh btw,
i know that there are certain conditions when it's hard to tell people around you about the problems..
sometimes it reveals your flaws and you don't want to let people to know how weak you are and how you are not actually what they think you are..
yup.. nobody wants to let people see their real flaws..
so what should you do?
talk..
i mean talk but not to your close ones..
because i know you don't feel like it..
it's like, you tell them everything then the next day in school,
you will feel very much insecure with that person because he/she knows your flaws..
so. find some strangers and talk to them..
i know this may sound weird but to me it is quite fun..
i personally love talking to strangers..
you can just talk to them.. spill everything and you may put some lies also because haha they don't know the real stories and they don't know who you are.. so yeah..
what you need is just their view..
and solutions to your problems..
don't worry about adding up stories and everything..
if you feel like it then do it..
remember you just need the solutions and that person is not going to know about it..
because he/she is just a stranger who comes and goes easily in your life..
they won't really care about the problems you have and everything..
but they can lend their ears for you if you want them to and give some advice..
which is the only thing you need..
a listener and a couple of advice..

so i think that's pretty much it..

just talk and spill everything..
remember you have nothing to lose :)



p/s: talking to strangers sometimes benefits you a lot.. cuz, usually they will have very very different thoughts that don't even click in your mind.. i think it's because of the different backgrounds and how they think.. so yeah have a nice day :D

Thursday, June 6, 2013

i found the missing piece :)

yesterday i saw fattah's tweet inviting several people for their training at sais including me..
at first i was 50-50 whether to go or not..
cuz i have lost my debate spirit recently..
i dunno how i ended up at this road..
i dunno why i debate in the first place..
i mean out of the blue i just join debate and now i can't find the reason why i am here
and there are several problems arise..

i am confused so i decided to take a break from the debate world..

but suddenly i thought about this..
the sri ayeshans have been so kind to us, the hamidians..
i remembered how they always tried their best to come if we have training..
and also the supports they always give to us..
i feel touched. deep.
they did many things for us..
too many..

so i think it's time to show our gratitude to them :)
and i made up my mind to go
i arrived a lil bit late cuz i need to make sure my lil sis takes her medicine..

the moment i arrived, i opened the door and everybody in the room is sri ayeshan except fakhry
i admit it.
i was afraid..


but then we had a debate and discussed together..
we talked about enemy combatant, mine craft, studies and lots of stuffs..
it was really fun..
and they treated me just like a family..
i feel like i'm a part of them..
i feel like i'm also a family..
and from that moment i started to saw my reflection being so excited in these things and competitive and so..
the spirit slowly grows back..
i can't let things go..
if i don't believe it i will like ask and argue
and for some reasons it's fun :)

to be honest..
i found back the missing piece of the me..
i found back the part that i miss sooo much

i feel blessed
i feel grateful

all these great feeling just like come all together

and i feel touched :')

thanks kamalia, maryam, fattah, fakhry, eri for today..
it may seem like a normal training,
but it brings a big difference to me..
it brings back my missing piece..


i guess 
does mean something this year :')