blabbering.

Honestly since tomorrow we'll be having english paper,
i believe that it's okay to blabber in my blog..
well,
to be honest, nowadays i feel detach from the people i used to mingle around before..
it's like.. because of the demands to concentrate on my studies,
i pushed away certain things that i love to do like debate and stuff..
i feel kinda bad but i just cannot put my heart into it when i feel really exhausted because i have too many things to do..
i would love to join training but maybe not at the time being..
but still i want to peek at them if i have time..
because that's my passion..

so currently exam week stressed me a lot..
because i got something on my mind that i'm trying to get rid of
but, it stays there.. and it disturbs me a lot..
many say you can control what you think
but surely you cannot control what's going to pop out on your mind..
hahah.. maybe with controlling your surrounding by not exposing yourself to it..
i've tried but man.. it's a small world and it just happened,,

anyway,
i think about how crazy i am nowadays since i risked everything because of that one disturbance..
and i cannot get it out of my mind..
if you have tips, do share because i'm in a dire need of that like seriously..

heyy
i feel awesome and all hype out writing all these stuffs..
i mean it's not an important stuff...
just random..
but the feeling of me blabbering in english feels awesome..
feels like me debating and talk to debaters..
it flows soo well i missed those moments..

hahah..
i'm killing all my hallucination now..
and i'm trying to kill things that remind me of it..
it's painful but meh.
i'm weak and i won't stay longer if i live in this hallucination..
or whatever..

so wish me for tomorrow and forever,
and for the first time, i want my feet to walk on earth and be more realistic xD