Friday, November 30, 2012

And finally, we learn

it's been such a long time i haven't updated my entry..
thinking that nothing makes me want to write so far..

my parents went to turki and we all were left all home alone
seeing that this might be a hard time for us since we are not really good with the younger ones
i just think that it is a half-half..
things might work miraculously..
or they just can turn out to be things that are beyond imagination
but we just have to face it..
it is reality..

a week before they left, mom keeps telling me to be good to my lil sisters..
and i tried i do try it just that it's hard to make them listen bcoz we are not that close
and to be honest they are stubborn..
just like us. we all are nearly the same,
we have the same base means the way we accept and react on things is mostly just the same

i can say that we all are very hard to accept things in condition that is not in our favour
sounds arrogant eh?
to me myself, i can accept advice.
i really can.
but only sincere advice and in the way that will make sense to me..
i hate when people ask you to do a favour, or change but they just throw everything on your face
like you're not human.. you don't have feelings..
i know as human i always do mistakes.. i would love to be better
it just that the way people tell me that i am wrong or i need to fix certain parts means a lot to me..

and i tell you,
it applies to all of us.
we usually against things that were forced on us..
just same copy-cat,

and one more thing that we are similar in..
we may be stubborn and don't listen to whatever people say,
we play life by our rules,
but when it comes to mom, nothing else matter.
everybody listens to mom.
even though we disagree with certain things,
but we all the five of us respect and love our mom whole-heartedly
if people do what we don't like, we may call it a war
but when it's mom, it's time for discussion..
the way we respond to things that we don't like may be different..
but the point is everybody respect mom and listen to her..

both my lil sis,
when everybody tells them to stop whatever they're doing,
they will not listen and usually things will become worse..
but once mom says stop dear.. they just melt..
that stubborn head kids will melt just like butter and they really do look like a 'real kids' when my mom approaches them..
it's not that i'm telling bad things about them right now..
it just things from my view before my parents left..
actually i think that things happen like that is because of us, the eldest fault too..
but i just don't want to expand the story here,

mom tried so hard to unite us, her children..
we are just good when the eldest didn't mix with the youngest..
but you know them the young ones, i mean they have 3 elder sisters kut..
of course they want to join in..
but we just don't let them to because they will ask a lot, complain about things and the most unlikely things, fight..
and mom she told me many times in different ways that i should love and care my younger sisters..
it is not just about love.. but it is about being just on things and to always be there for each other helps fixing ones bad so everything is perfect..
nobody else can fix this, the relationship.
just us..

and since i'm the first, i was taken aback a lil bit because i think that i already try to make up with them.
it just that it is so hard to make them listen..

but some of mom's words just got into my mind..
she told me that these children.. they are just kids, and at this moment, they want to be cuddle and love just like the other kids.. they don't want people to be mad at them.. they just want people to forgive them and love them just like a kid..

i don't know if my words didn't really interpret my mom's words.. but the point is,

as much as all of us want our childhood to be full of good memories,
sweet things and foolish mistakes,
they want to have it too..
we have grown up.. and we don't like to do mistakes any more..
but they are kids just like us before.. doing mistakes is fun.. during childhood time..
so we as the elder, need to tell them to stop doing this and that,
give them reasons.. BUT
no need for yelling and all, because they are just kids
and kids always like that.
so do i..

so when they left,
i made a few rules, brief them about how things are going to to be for the moment.. what mom and dad asked us to do while they're not home..
and i give each of them their own responsibilities..
because i want them to feel that they are actually important, mostly the kids..

i just planned, but the role as a leader of the house is put on angah mostly because i'm not at home during day time because i have tuition from morning till evening..
and angah needs to make sure things go according to what i've planned..
my rules are not that complicated.. basically it is what my parents want us to do..
i just make it sound more strict and clear so everything will go well..

the rules are simple.
everybody must pray together every prayer time (nobody is left behind)
after subuh and asr prayer everybody needs to read ma'thurat together
after maghrib prayer everybody must read Qur'an
and only eat when everybody is there because usually the young ones forget about their lunch time..
you can do anything you want in the morning as long as you stay in the house and you can play the computer after zuhr..

that's the basic part.

first day everything looks perfect..
but then when they started to fight, the young ones wanted to pray by themselves because they are mad  at the eldest and so on..
the pressure arise..
and we as the eldest talk to them..
and we are three so there's always a third person..
to make things well again..

and after our parents are not home for such time..
we just learn..
we just learn how to cooperate..
how to accept each other and tolerate..

we tell each other what's wrong and what's right,
how things should be better and surprisingly,
everybody has improved,
our relationship has also improved..

there're still small fights but it's not as bad as before..
i only realize this when my grandma told me how things before and now has changed.. and i am grateful to Allah for everything..

now i understand why mom talk to the kids softly and forgive them when they made mistakes.. why she doesn't just yell to them..

i totally understand it now..

i'm happy because finally, we all learn :)

p/s: ude got 5as and mumtaz!! we all hope she will become a hamidian soon! :D

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