about life

well,
i guess life after spm isn't that fun..
there are too many things that you need to figure out since u've grown up..
and i dunno why,
it feels so heavy
it feels like a burden
i,
day by day
become more confused and lost

how could,
this world turns to become so vicious?
how could,
i suddenly realized that i dunno myself?
how could,
i lost to others?
how could,
at the end of the day i realized that i am useless?

i've went to utp's educamp recently.
and no doubt, it was really fun.
but,
meeting all those excellent people,
i felt very insecure and timid..
like how come,
for this 17 years that we live,
they've gained more than me?
they've grown up but i haven't?

it sucks..
tbh, im quite playful in every situation,
i don't adore seriousness
in every circumstances..
cuz seriousness sucks,
it makes people become stress,
it makes people dismiss others around them,
it makes the environment felt cold,
it makes me unhappy..

and i hate it..
but going through all this,
i realize that maybe being serious is important..
for me if i want to strive forward,
if i want to win,
if i want to be successful in life..
n i,
by any means need to grow up..
somehow,

hmmm...