since life is an option

The uncertainty in life kills me..
It is not a great murder though since i find it amusing and hilarious..
that i laugh so much and i die..
but then i live again..
blur and curious,
asking myself the same question again..
look at the wall,
and finally decided,
hey it's just the same thing over and over again until i choose..
and put a stop to it..

making decision is always tough for me..
and i realized that it becomes more severe as i grow up
and it is serious since a lot of important decision needs to be made when you've grown up..
i kinda sort it out when i was form 5 by deciding to follow my guts whenever i need to decide..
without proper thinking, i just do what i think i should do..
consequences are to be dealt later on..
and it's fine for me though..
nothing hurt so far..
and it's fun and thrilling :D
however,
when i'm 18,
i would love to do the same thing..
but the problem is,
if it's just about me and my world,
it will totally be as easy as ABC..
the problem is,
it's not..
it's about others too..
like when deciding on a course or whether or not i will go to a university,
the thing is not just about me..
it's also about my parents and my family..
they are the one who will pay my expenses and stuff..
and if i just want to give a try in a certain course and spend away a bunch of money.,
it's not totally worth it..
it's like throwing 17K to the sea just for fun..
and worse, it's not even my money that i used..
it's my parents' and my sisters'

so that begs me to think more and deeply in taking things to consideration..
it's not that i'm taking this too much..
it's just that i wanna make sure that i have a clear vision of what i want for my future..
although i dunno how my future looks like,
but at least i have a vision of it and if anything happens,
well, i can say i've tried my best and things just don't come out the way i planned..
that would be fine for me..

lately,
i've been offered to UTP for an ict course..
and i received several responses..
some laugh, some shut themselves up and some congratulate me, which is a good thing.. thanks guys..
and, i'm very touched with the help from my debate family..
they surely help a lot until i thought that, in the time of need, debate family helps the most..
but no no..
Allah helps the most, that's why He sent me these great people..
and seniors from UTP also helped me a lot..
and i'm touched..
like seriously,
we don't even know each other and they like,
hey, when you've decided your choice, do inform me okay?
and this one akak told me,
if u went to utp, maybe we'll meet there and if u don't, maybe we'll run into each other in the real life.. so just inform me whether you're going or not later..
and i'm touched..
:')
awh why people are so nice

oh and this is a guideline from kimi on how to pick a course..
it is really helpful for me.. and maybe u guys too :)

ok here's a guideline of what to assess prior to deciding what course to pursue in.. 1. Job Prospect- how is the job demand when u graduate in that particular field 2.what possible jobs can u have if u graduate in that field- very important. i'ts important to know that your field of work is wide and flexible. petroleum engineering is not flexible3. how much is the pay for those occupations 4. how is the course. what are u actually gonna study. how long does it take 5. in what institutions is that course famous and acknowledged that's basically what u need to research before deciding


and about my utp offers,
i let my parents decide because to this certain point,
i'm already prepared for any possibilities..
hahah..
maybe i find a job or continue babysitting if they don't think going is the best choice..
and if they do,
oh well,
why life moves so fast? and just one thing, i wish they have a washing machine.. i never want to wash my clothes on my own..
sakit tengkuk and tangan..
meh, i'm not spoiled.. i just love technology that much :D

and just now my sister asked me a question about chemistry and i cannot do the equation..
how2?
i'm afraid slowly, everything that i learnt will be swept away just like poof..
meh.. takutnye..
i love chemistry though..
huhu whatever it is,
let's pray to Allah for His decision is always the best :)