#sick

i feel sick..
honestly,, i hate the fact tht i'm too fragile..
sometimes i take life too serious i guess??
i cannot bear the fact when ppl teased me..
i feel so sad sometimes i want to cry..
it just that i try to maintain my expression..
but it will not last for such a long time..
if they still keep teasing me,,
maybe i already burst into tears..
i hate that fact...
really hate it..
sometimes i just hope tht i can run away from all the problems i had..
but that won't solve anything..
i also thought about other ppl who suffer more thn me in this life..
but they remain strong...
regardless to that fact i wish i'm like them...
i know that ppl are difference..
but my kind is just like...
i dunno but it's hard for me to hide my feelings in front of ppl..
when i'm happy i'll be too excited..
when i'm angry i'll give cold look to everybody n refuse to do any work..
when i'm sad i'll cry my heart out n i feel like i want to disappear from this world..
i don't even think i'm meaningful to anybody...
i don't think that someone will miss me if one day i'm gone..
except for my family of course..
i try to be somebody else..
i try to please everybody by doing the job on my own..
but there're abundant of it..
sometimes it cannot be done n regardless to my-short-term-memory,
ppl need to remind me always about what to do next and so on...

when ppl talk to me in such unpleasant way.
i feel very hurt..
when ppl ignore me when i'm talking..
i feel more hurt..
more hurt if that person is somebody that i rely my hope on..

i learn tht life is not about human..
but i cannot get rid of tht feelings to rely myself to humans..
i wish i'm an independent but i'm not..

i feel weaker nowadays...
so weak..
my tears are very easy to spill out..
sometimes i want to quit...
and one day i cry at my class coz i can't bear it when my friend scolded me when i asked her to do her job..
but i keep tht... saadah quickly drive me to the toilet so anyone wouldn't see...
but a teacher saw it.. i hope she'll understand..
that's me..

now you know...
so leave me if u hate me..