UKM-IV

this is my last tournament for this year..
I didn't expect anything impressive since i know tht i'm not tht good..
At first,
i was stuck to mke my decision..
whether i shld go or not..
whether it'll be worth it or not..
coz it's been held during our exams week..
luckily it's on the weekends sooo
i kinda can give reason to my dad..
coz he dislikes the fact tht i left mny classes  for co-curriculum act..
yet, i didn't score well..
besides i'm totally not a type of person who sits n spend their time on every single subj..
i prefer learning in class tgether with friends :)

plus, recently,,

i'm suck at admath n i cannot guarantee tht i'll get above fail...
coz when i try to answer the questions..
suddenly i forgot the formulas..
i didn't do tht much exercise tho..
so,, what happens, happens..
after this i'll try my best..


but after sme discussions..
then i feel like going to ukm..
then i made my decision n go..


then in UKM-IV,,
i didn't expect tht i'll feel happy in every single round..
my debate bfore is kinda like stressing..
but this is totally different..
in fact it's great!!

i m grateful tht fakhry said tht he don't care whether we win or lose..
n tht makes me feel a lil bit relieved..
coz usually in comp,
i don't like the idea of winning..
seriously dunno how to explain tht..
but when you target to win,, u'll lose the joys in the debate itself..
maybe after winning u'll feel great..
n u r not feeling happy bcoz of the debate itself..
but, because u just win..
tht's it..

and for me, winning is pressuring..
i hate the fact when i didn't do rlly well n i feel like a burden to the team..
but in ukm-iv..
when i didn't do rlly well,,
fakhry said it's okay.. n i can do it for the nxt round..
it makes me feel fine..and i try to give my best..
if i lose, i hve nothing to worry coz fakhry doesn't care about losing or winning..
but he'll teach me a better way to deliver a good speech/ bcome a good debater..

and that's great..
and today,,,,
i have great supporters coming!!
and i feel really enlighten bcos of the supports!!
i met maryam, kamalia, fattah, n kak raihan..
and they cheers for us..
and i feel really GREAT!!

but then still i really really want to see fattah n kamalia debating..
maybe one day..
i'll be waiting for tht day coz i think they're a rlly good team..
^o^

btw there're lots of things tht i learnt here..
and mostly that debate is not about winning..
and you'll never know until u experience it..
that feeling of joy when u r debating without the intention to win..

it feels great,, no matter what happens..
and that's something tht is rarely happened in debate or my previous comp..
which makes me feel tht debate is kinda pressuring..

and mannn i'm not good in handling pressure.. ><"

soo at the end of the day...
i feel blessed to get this opportunity..

thx to Allah for giving me this chance to feel happy and gained experience in this short life..
thx to my parents for giving me permissions..
thx to fakhry for being patient with me, paying for this comp, and mostly bcoz of ur noble intention to train us to bcome a better person.. May Allah bless you and grant ur wishes in life..
thx to my sis for being our loyal supporter everyday!!
ths to kamalia, fattah, maryam n kak raihan for cheering n supporting us..

one day,,
when we've bcome a better person, i hope we'll reunite again..
insyaAllah ^^