stigma.

"i dunno whether it's malays, or malaysians or everybody who grown up in malaysia or it's a universal problem"

preacher.

we all know. those who believe in their religions know that they have the responsibility to be made.

to preach people for good,

i said this on the behalf of good people who truly believe in what their religion taught them.

i believe that every religion teaches you kindness, not harm or degrading others religion.

because everything about a religion is to drive you for a better life.

my religion, islam, taught me to respect what others believe in.

and i believe others too.

them.

but the world is diverse.

we have people who has religion literally but they don't practise it as a whole.

and we also have people who don't believe in anything. the atheist.

but i respect both of them in choosing how they want to live their lives.

no doubt.

nitwit.

but for those judges out there.

who criticize other people,
who r trying to be good or trying to at least done their part as a daei,

yes. they don't appear or seem pious.

they're living a terrible lifestyle.

BUT. if they tell you about something, religious things or good things,

you shouldn't degrade them even if u think that they're not the one who suppose to tell you all that because they're worse than you.

i tell ya.

don't judge them.

Umar had said: "don't look for the person who's talking, look for what he/she talks about"

i think.

life is a lesson, take lessons as much as you need and leave bad things behind. criticizing people won't get you anywhere BUT learning will.

-feel humble and modest all the way, even if tried but u can't, i'll admire you for trying- :)

happy birthday prophet muhammad. i miss you

Ana rindu...

Ya Rasulullah, ana rindu

daurah nuqaba'

-naqibah-
"kalau bukan ana yang sanggup terima cabaran ni. sape lagi. ana x mahu usrah disia-siakan. ana mahu usrah mereka menjadi sebahagia usrah ana suatu ketika dulu."

ana seorang yang sentiasa bersemangat ketika usrah.
ana suka. ana suka bila kita ada masa untuk berfikir.
mengenali satu sama lain dengan lebih mendalam.
berbincang mengenai agama dan merapatkan ukhuwah antara satu sama lain.
usrah sangat cool.
ana sayang usrah dan ana paling tak suka bila usrah diganti dengan ceramah.
bukan ceramah x bagus tapi ana lebih suka masa usrah digunakan untuk usrah.

"ana berazam nak jadi naqibah yang menyeronokkan dan baik."
ana pergi daurah nuqaba' half-hearted. sebab wajib. kalau x ana x nak pergi.
sebab jujur selalunya program sekolah sangat membosankan.
tapi ana suuzzan (sangka buruk)
mashaAllah.
hebat!
ana x sangka bekalan ana belum cukup.
usrah bukanlah hanya tentang mendengar masalah adik2x.
tapi. lebih dari tu.
ana kena jalankan dakwah.
tapi yang macam mana?
yang berprinsip dan sesuai dengan psikologi adik2x.

bolehkah?

salah kalau ana rasa boleh tapi ana x mmpunyai persediaan yang cukup.
naqibah. macam mana adik2x nak ikut?
naqibah. macam mana adik2x nak dengar kata?
kalau ana sendiri masih terumbang-ambing dalam kehidupan.
ana kena berubah.
ana kena jadi lebih baik daripada adik2x usrah
kenapa?
sebab. analah yang akan menjadi tempat panduan dan rujukan mereka.
kalau persediaan ana x cukup alamatnya karamlah usrah ana.
ana juga kena berubah bukan sahaja menjadi baik secara lahiriah,
tetapi dari segi rohani.
ana tersentap bila ustaz cakap. "kalau adik usrah tanya macam mana nak solat khusyuk antum nak jawab apa?"

ana mungkin boleh jawab.
tapi kalau ana pun x khusyuk macam mana?
kalau ibadah ana pun x betul lagi,
macam mana ana nak bantu adik usrah secara total.
kesan ibadah yang baik pun x dapat dilihat dari perwatakan ana.
macam mana adik2x nak ikut dan percaya bahawa kata2x ana itu benar?

hmm macam tulah sedikit sebanyak ana tersedar.
ana ingin berubah.
menjadi muslim, hamba, anak, kakak, kawan dan murid yang baik.
doakan ana ~

debate.

lol lama dh x ckp psl debate..
terputus pertaliankah??
emmm
to accept the fact that it's totally a coincidence that i've joined debate..
eh?

07/08 ( year 5/6)

"i love being in the water but not swimming"
setting: hotel

they went to swimming pool.
i chose to stay alone in our room coz swimming is not my cup of tea.
i turned on the television.
high school students. they are arguing but in a pretty way.
i still remember that girl who amazed me. hazirah. the name written there.
10 minutes later. it's a national high school debate competition. a malay one.
"what a life to be a high school student "
i want to join bahas ala parlimen. just like them. starting from form 1 nanti.
i promised.

09/10/11 (form 1/2/3)
i searched for debate club. i haven't found any.
i met madihah but she's english debater and i'm only interested in malay debate.
i joined kelab pidato which seems like the only club in our school that is so much related to debate.
but we don't do much talking though.
hmmm i still have the interest to join malay debate. but how?

that evening. (after pmr)
we have debate competition.
i want to join but i hesitated. malay debate was already full.
english debate didn't has enough people to debate.
atiqah asked me to give a try. she-is-kind
i joined. then i hesitated. then i want to pull off. but it's already time.
they talked. i talked. i felt the passion when arguing but.

another evening.
i sat with atiqah. i said i really want to join debate but i don't know how.
she told me to meet madihah. and she believed that i can do it.
"she is very optimistic"
nahh i want to join malay debate.. but how. i don't know. i asked atiqah.
and it's the end of the year so they don't have other meetings so.
the passion that i have 4 years ago faded.

2012 (tgok nombor ni smua org igt psl kiamat lol)
she. is my sis. she saw a notice for those who were interested to join english debate.
i don't.
i don't want to go. but she wanted to. she asked me to accompany her.
i said no. but i saw the glitter in her eyes as this is the thing that she wanted so much in her life.
and she's a junior. i'm a senior.
and i'm her sister. i already refused to join netball team when she asked me and she said i shouldn't have any excuses for this. i should go. by hook or crook.
and i decided to go for the sake of a lil sis.
kak ulfah was there. she's friendly. i am 50-50 for debate.
my sis tried giving a speech. and i also tried and k.ulfah said that it's a good one #Smile
then i want to join them. but still keeping an eye for malay debate.

start
kak ulfah was really nice to me like i'm her lil sis.
and i enjoyed every training. it was fun. i won't leave debate.
.........

today.
ana suka dan rindu untuk berhujah dalam bahasa melayu.
teringin benar rasanya untuk berdebat dalam bahasa melayu.
tapi ana dah berjanji dengan kak ulfah.
jaga adik2x debat ini dan jangan lepaskan mereka.

kesimpulan
ana dapati debat bukanlah untuk pertandingan sahaja.
tapi debat membantu ana dalam kehidupan. untuk mempertimbang, memikir dan mencari kebenaran.
ana yakin debat tak terbatas.
melayu atau inggeris.
tiada beza. yang penting intipati yang ana dapat dari pengalaman ini.
ana berterima kasih pada insan bernama atiqah kerana percaya pada ana, syakirah kerana memaksa ana menyertai debat, dan kak ulfah kerana percaya pada potensi ana dan tak pernah jemu melatih ana.

"terima kasih insan-insan istimewa dan Allah kerana mengaturkan semuanya."

tenang

starting a new year.. ana jujur katakan ana cukup gembira..

terasa semangat nak spm tu berkobar-kobar dengan sahabat di sisi..

ana nekad.. tahun ni ana nak belajar betul2x, kalau x faham terus tanya n bla bla bla..

dan ana nekad sebab..

ana sedar, niat ana sebelum ni salah..

belajar untuk periksa tu konfem2x tak..

tapi takde niat pun masalah jugak...

sejujurnya ana memang kurang semangat untuk menjadi seorang skema dan sebagainya..

tapi, ana suka bersaing... sangat2x!

kalau cikgu suruh lawan jawab quiz mesti semangat..

ana seronok nak kalahkan kawan2x ana (cehh mcm dah menang je)

tapi dalam kelas memang pnp lebih kepada pengajaran.. kurang teka teki dan soalan.. yelah macam sekolah rendah pulak nak lawan2x segala.. tapi ana suka!!!

so bila xde tu, tak semangat nak belajar dengan sesi pembelajaran satu hala.. :O

cuma bila malam periksa tgok orang smua pegang buku ke hulu ke hilir..

satu buku rujukan x cukup, ada yg sampai 3 buku skali bukak..

fuhhh dahsyat.. ana pun terpanggil untuk membuka buku2x (for finally)

tu yang result periksa ana selamatlah jugak...

itulah perangai ana.. ana suka buat benda ramai2x..

nak bersaing, nak berborak, nak bertanya.. pokoknya ana sukaa ada orang..

kalau x de orang, ana x buat..

ana ke mana2x pun nak berteman.. x lengkap sorang2x.. even nak basuh tangan pun mesti ada kawan.. kalau xde mmg ana rasa awkward.. hah smpai tahap mcm tu skali..

so back to the topic..

dah seronok2x duduk kelas dengan kawan2x,

seronok volunteer tanya soalan bagai..

kejut orang lain tidur dengan azam tahun ni jgn tidur, spm!

tiba2x..

"guys kena rombak balik la kelas"

emmhhhh memang ana marahla..

dah berkobar-kobar semangat nak belajar, dengan kawan2x lagi tetiba nak tukar2x..

n paling sedih baru seminggu sekolah.. aisehhhh

ana pun tunggu.. then ana kena tukar masuk ibs dengan sorang puteri ni..

majoriti kelas tu memang bukan kawan karib ana lah...

rasa macam mental breakdown je..

ana yakin Allah tahu yang terbaik tapi hati ni degil lagi..

sebab ana dah plaaaan tahun ni nak mcm ni mcm ni sekian sekian..

tetiba lain pulak jadinya..

aduhaiiiii

lepas masuk ibs, ana nak turun kelas,

and cikgu x bagi.. umi pulak kata kalau betul turun kelas tu yang terbaik utk ana, insyaAllah urusan ana dipermudahkan.. tapi sebab cikgu x bagi so maksudnya Allah is saving something better for me in ibs.. so ana redha..

belajar2x.. banyak yang ana sedar.. benda2x yang ana memang x mampu suarakan,

Alhamdulillah ana mampu jugak sekarang.. ana rasa bersyukur..

mungkin benda yang sukar tu menjadikan kita lebih kuat.. kan??

from one side, ana dah improve..

dan ana nak cuba lagi improve jadi lebih baik..

siapa tahu batas kemampuan kita kan??? kita kena try dulu baru tahu..

bak kata mathematics, try and error :P

insyaAllah, ana nak berusaha sehabis boleh dan apa2x yang berlaku, ana nak redhakan seikhlas hati..

sebab ana rasa ketenangan tu hanya boleh diperolehi dengan meredhakan keputusan ilahi :B

Farewell is it :')

Saying goodbye is the last thing you would ever wish in ur life..
imagine,
we meet, we hate each other, we argue, we laugh, we cry together
and we don't want to move on.. if the choice is ours, we would choose to argue on stupid things like this, everyday..
we don't care if we get hurt coz we miss it sooo much
---
and i still remember
you and me, arguing and swearing like we would never ever be friends anymore..
but then we just did.. again
---
and as time passed, those bitters become sweets..
together, we laugh to ourselves coz we feel stupid hating each other LIKE if i know ur going to be my BFF like FOREVERRR i won't rip your book coz ur handwriting is soo damn prettier than mine :P
and those crazy-funny moments are the best 157680000 seconds that i've ever had in my life..
because that 157680000 seconds has been spent mostly with you, my friend..
---

ujian dan cabaran - tanda Allah rindu

Assalamualaikum guys..
ana bru terbaca sebuah artikel drpd seorg hamba Allah ni..
beliau diuji dgn begitu hebat dan ana brharap usaha beliau untuk kembali ke landasan dipermudahkan Allah...

ana sendiri akui dalam hidup ni,
kita akan sentiasa diuji..

kadang2x ana sendiri tertanya-tanya..
kenapa ana diuji sedemikian rupa..
x sayang ke Allah pada ana?
atau mgkin kerana ana trlalu byk dosa?

tapi bila ana muhasabah blik..
ana trigt kata2x umi..

umi kata:
kalau Allah uji..
itu tanda Allah sayang..
sebab Allah sentiasa igt pada kita walaupun kita sentiasa lupakan Allah..
dan Allah nak kita sedar walau apa pun yang berlaku,
Dia sentiasa ada..

Allah juga uji kita,
sbb Allah rindu.. kdg2x hidup kita ni trlalu 'smooth' sampai kita lupa pada Allah..
kita lupa betapa pentingnya utk mnjaga hubungan dgn Allah..
solat kita pun x brmakna..
dan sedar x sedar Allah rindu kita...

Allah rindu nak dgr rintihan kita di dalam sujud
Allah rindu nak makbulkan hajat kita dlm setiap doa
dan Allah tunggu saat2x kita sebagai hambaNya menyedari bahawa Allah sentiasa ada untuk kita..

dan Allah nak kita tahu,
di saat manusia tidak mahu mendengar rintihan kita,
Allah sentiasa ada..
Dia sentiasa setia untuk mendengar apa jua keluhan kita..
dan di saat manusia tidak mampu untuk menunaikan hasrat kita,
Allah sentiasa ada.. Dia sentiasa berlapang dada untuk memakbulkan hajat kita
tengok janji Allah:

"Dan apabila hamba-hambaKu bertanya kepadamu mengenai Aku maka (beritahu kepada mereka): sesungguhnya Aku (Allah) sentiasa hampir (kepada mereka); Aku perkenankan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia berdoa kepadaKu. Maka hendaklah mereka menyahut seruanku (dengan mematuhi perintahKu), dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepadaKu supaya mereka menjadi baik serta betul." (Al-Baqarah Ayat 186)


tapi kita kenalah berusaha dan berdoa..

sedar x sedar,
dalam dunia ni xde sesiapa pun yg suka dgr keluhan kita selain Allah..
dalam dunia ni xde sesiapa pun yg nk dgr prmintaan kita setiap masa selain Allah..

jadi berbanggalah sekiranya kita diuji..
kerana Allah Yang Maha Berkuasa, yang mempunyai berbillion-billion hamba,
ingat pada kita :)

p/s: sama2x kita mendoakan kebaikan untuk hamba Allah trsebut dan satu sama lain ^^

ada apa dengan 'ana'?

Assalamualaikum..
Hari ini ana teringin untuk berkongsi sebuah ilmu yang ana perolehi daripada sahabat ana yang menuntut di MITIB (Maahad Integrasi Tahfiz Istana Bandar)

Secara kebetulan ana dipertemukan dengan sahabat ini yang merupakan classmate ana dahulu..
Ana terdetik untuk bertanya kepada rakan ana,
sama ada menggunakan ana enti ini adalah suatu keperluan atau bukan..
sudah semestinya ana menyoal segala kemusykilan yang berkait dengan isu ini dan Alhamdulillah sahabat ana mempunyai jawapan kepada semua persoalan ana..

Ana: Skrg ni maahad (MAHISS) nak guna balik istilah ana enti.. tapi ana x pasti dimana kelebihan istilah tersebut..pada ana, aku kau, kita awak kan sama jugak.. bukanlah sesuatu yang menyalahi syariat.. lagipun itu cuma kata ganti nama diri je.. Ada beza ke penggunaan ana enti dengan aku kau?

Hajar: Oh.. betullah tu.. dua2x kata ganti nama diri, tapi, ustazah kita pernah cakap, ana enti ni kan bahasa arab.. bahasa arab kan bahasa syurga, jadi kalau kita nak masuk syurga, kita kenalah biasakan diri dengan bahasa syurga dulu.. sebab itu ana enti ni lain sikit sbb dia bahasa syurga.. Dan.. lagi satu, kalau munierah perasan, kalau kita guna ana enti ni lebih terjaga sikit, sebab bila kita bercakap menggunakan ana enti, perbualan kita akan terhindar dari perkara2x yang lagho, contohnya mengumpat dan sbgnya..

Ana pun terbayang:
"Eh Eh enti semalam kan ana tengok si fulan tu kena cuci tandas sekolah.. padan muka dia"
dan ana rasa memang impossible nak cakap macam tu,

lainlah kalau:
"Eh Eh kau tau x, semalam kan aq tengok si fulan tu kena cuci tandas sekolah.. padan muka dia"

so, ana pun tanya hajar lagi:

Ana: Tapikan hajar, kalau kita nak dekat dengan org contohnya budak2x yang bukan dari sekolah agama, kan kalau kita guna ana enti diorg rasa pelik.. Ana lebih selesa guna kau aku supaya diorg rasa yang ana ni approachable dan mudah didekati.. Kalau macam ni lagi senang nak rapat dgn diorg.. X peke?

Hajar: Ha.. betullah tu.. kita kan nak rapat dgn diorg.. bolehla guna kau aku ke.. awak kita ke.. tengok yang mana diorg guna supaya nak dekat dengan diorg.. kalau kita guna ana enti kan mesti diorg pelik n x biasa, nnti ssh nak dekat dgn diorg.. bolehlah kalau nak guna, mungkin slow2x suatu hari nanti kita boleh ajak diorg guna ana enti..

Jujur ana katakan ana berpuas hati dengan jawapan hajar.. maksudnya, cara perbualan kita itu haruslah kena dengan tujuan.. kalau tujuan untuk mendekati para mad'u (org yg ingin didakwah) tiada salahnya menggunakan panggilan lain, lagipun secara logiknya, jarang untuk kita berbual perkara2x yang lagho dgn org yg bru kita kenali.. tetapi dengan mereka yg memahami agama, lebih elok kita amalkan panggilan ana enti agar perbualan kita terhindar daripada perkara2x lagho..

Sekian sahaja kali ini.. Ana harap entri ana kali ini mampu memberi jawapan kepada mereka yang masih tertanya-tanya mengenai keperluan menggunakan ana enti..

Wassalam :)

ana

i) stigma

sebagai remaja,
jujur ana katakan ana mempunyai tanggapan/stigma yang sama seperti para remaja yang lain..
ana rasa hidup sebagai remaja harus easy-going dan enjoy dahulu..
sebab.
zaman remaja hanya sekali..

tetapi ini bukanlah bermakna bahawa ana berpegang kepada pepatah hidup mat rempit yang mengatakan hidup cuma sekali, bila dah tua barulah bertaubat.
cuma ana rasa hidup tidak perlu serius..
hidup ini harus berfikiran terbuka dan sebagai remaja bukanlah menjadi tanggungjawab ana untuk memikirkan masa hadapan..
sesuatu yang masih terlampau jauh menurut perkadaran ana sebagai remaja..

ii) agama

jujur ana katakan,
ana tahu,
malah ana cukup maklum bahawa remaja merupakan aset yang PENTING buat agama..
ana lebih selesa menggunakan istilah agama daripada negara kerana pada hari ini ana lihat sebuah kekurangan di dalam kamus kehidupan kita, iaitu agama..

kita terlalu sibuk membangunkan negara dan bangsa, kita ingin mencapai kemajuan tetapi kita lupa kepada satu-satunya perkara yang mampu menjadi pokok dan pangkal atau menjadi sebab munasabab kepada apa jua keadaan yang akan berlaku pada hari ini dan masa hadapan.
iaitu agama..
ibaratnya, kita ingin membina menara yang cantik dan gah tetapi kita terlupa untuk membina asas kepada menara tersebut..
dan tanpa asas ini, mungkin menara itu masih boleh berdiri tetapi kita semua tahu bahawa:

1)berdirinya menara itu hanya menunggu masa untuk jatuh
2)sesuatu telah hilang daripada menara itu yang membuatkan ianya rapuh seperti tulang belulang si tua di dalam kubur

iii) realiti hari ini

agama dan politik ibarat air dan minyak..
pantang bercampur..
agama dan hiburan ibarat langit dan bumi..
takkan pernah bersatu..

iv) konklusi

1) ana x pernah jelas tentang pendapat yang mengatakan bahawa hidup harus sentiasa berhibur dan bergembira kerana ana tidak pernah merasa benar2x terhibur dengan hiburan dunia
2) memang agama belum menjadi asas atau basic foundation kepada sistem kita hari ini.. tapi ana tidak akan duduk termangu seperti kerbau di kandang menunggu seseorang melakukan perubahan.. biarlah ana, dan sahabat2x seperjuangan yang menyedari bahawa hakikat agama adalah asas kepada semua binaan memulakannya terlebih dahulu
3) politik dan agama, tetap satu.. hal ini kerana agama adalah asas, ASAS kepada semua hal walhal politik yang diangkat darjatnya sekalipun.. dan ana yakin ISLAM, agama yang ana pegang pada hari ini merupakan cara hidup yang terbaik yang mampu dimiliki oleh semua insan dengan mengaplikasikannya di dalam kehidupan.. hiburan? boleh.. tetapi harus menurut syariat dan agama

And finally, we learn

it's been such a long time i haven't updated my entry..
thinking that nothing makes me want to write so far..
until.

my parents went to turki and we all were left all home alone
seeing that this might be a hard time for us since we are not really good with the younger ones
i just think that it is a half-half..
things might work miraculously..
or they just can turn out to be things that are beyond imagination
but we just have to face it..
it is reality..

a week before they left, mom keeps telling me to be good to my lil sisters..
and i tried i do try it just that it's hard to make them listen bcoz we are not that close
and to be honest they are stubborn..
just like us. we all are nearly the same,
we have the same base means the way we accept and react on things is mostly just the same

i can say that we all are very hard to accept things in condition that is not in our favour
sounds arrogant eh?
to me myself, i can accept advice.
i really can.
but only sincere advice and in the way that will make sense to me..
i hate when people ask you to do a favour, or change but they just throw everything on your face
like you're not human.. you don't have feelings..
i know as human i always do mistakes.. i would love to be better
it just that the way people tell me that i am wrong or i need to fix certain parts means a lot to me..

and i tell you,
it applies to all of us.
we usually against things that were forced on us..
just same copy-cat,

and one more thing that we are similar in..
we may be stubborn and don't listen to whatever people say,
we play life by our rules,
but when it comes to mom, nothing else matter.
everybody listens to mom.
even though we disagree with certain things,
but we all the five of us respect and love our mom whole-heartedly
if people do what we don't like, we may call it a war
but when it's mom, it's time for discussion..
the way we respond to things that we don't like may be different..
but the point is everybody respect mom and listen to her..

both my lil sis,
when everybody tells them to stop whatever they're doing,
they will not listen and usually things will become worse..
but once mom says stop dear.. they just melt..
that stubborn head kids will melt just like butter and they really do look like a 'real kids' when my mom approaches them..
it's not that i'm telling bad things about them right now..
it just things from my view before my parents left..
actually i think that things happen like that is because of us, the eldest fault too..
but i just don't want to expand the story here,

mom tried so hard to unite us, her children..
we are just good when the eldest didn't mix with the youngest..
but you know them the young ones, i mean they have 3 elder sisters kut..
of course they want to join in..
but we just don't let them to because they will ask a lot, complain about things and the most unlikely things, fight..
and mom she told me many times in different ways that i should love and care my younger sisters..
it is not just about love.. but it is about being just on things and to always be there for each other helps fixing ones bad so everything is perfect..
nobody else can fix this, the relationship.
just us..

and since i'm the first, i was taken aback a lil bit because i think that i already try to make up with them.
it just that it is so hard to make them listen..

but some of mom's words just got into my mind..
she told me that these children.. they are just kids, and at this moment, they want to be cuddle and love just like the other kids.. they don't want people to be mad at them.. they just want people to forgive them and love them just like a kid..

i don't know if my words didn't really interpret my mom's words.. but the point is,

as much as all of us want our childhood to be full of good memories,
sweet things and foolish mistakes,
they want to have it too..
we have grown up.. and we don't like to do mistakes any more..
but they are kids just like us before.. doing mistakes is fun.. during childhood time..
so we as the elder, need to tell them to stop doing this and that,
give them reasons.. BUT
no need for yelling and all, because they are just kids
and kids always like that. you.just.have.to.understand
so do i..

so when they left,
i made a few rules, brief them about how things are going to to be for the moment.. what mom and dad asked us to do while they're not home..
and i give each of them their own responsibilities..
because i want them to feel that they are actually important, mostly the kids..

i just planned, but the role as a leader of the house is put on angah mostly because i'm not at home during day time because i have tuition from morning till evening..
and angah needs to make sure things go according to what i've planned..
my rules are not that complicated.. basically it is what my parents want us to do..
i just make it sound more strict and clear so everything will go well..

the rules are simple.
everybody must pray together every prayer time (nobody is left behind)
after subuh and asr prayer everybody needs to read ma'thurat together
after maghrib prayer everybody must read Qur'an
and only eat when everybody is there because usually the young ones forget about their lunch time..
you can do anything you want in the morning as long as you stay in the house and you can play the computer after zuhr..

that's the basic part.

first day everything looks perfect..
but then when they started to fight, the young ones wanted to pray by themselves because they are mad  at the eldest and so on..
the pressure arise..
and we as the eldest talk to them..
and we are three so there's always a third person..
to make things well again..

and after our parents are not home for such time..
we just learn..
we just learn how to cooperate..
how to accept each other and tolerate..

we tell each other what's wrong and what's right,
how things should be better and surprisingly,
everybody has improved,
our relationship has also improved..

there're still small fights but it's not as bad as before..
i only realize this when my grandma told me how things before and now has changed.. and i am grateful to Allah for everything..

now i understand why mom talk to the kids softly and forgive them when they made mistakes.. why she doesn't just yell to them..

i totally understand it now..

i'm happy because finally, we all learn :)

p/s: ude got 5as and mumtaz!! we all hope she will become a hamidian soon! :D

wishes.

i got many wishes.

in life,

i want peace, happiness and justice bound together,
then life is perfect and harmony.

i want my dreams come true,
i wish every single thing that i think is good will be granted.
like a princess in a fairy tale.

i want to draw the path of my life,
and see how life grows exactly like what i  imagine.

life, as a story of my own
exactly at the tip of my quill.

dreams.

keep it safely with hard work and determination

everything will be paid as much as you work for it.

remember.
everything happens for a reason

just follow the flow and colour your path,
write your own story

remember, good story will always has a good ending :)

reason - why u r still living ur life right now

life,
it turns upside down, back and forth, move to thousand directions you'll never know which r u heading for..
one day u'll be aiming harvard,
the other day u wake up and realize tht ur not there, ur in a local university instead..
thing just happen like tht,
u got good offers but ur mom ask u to stay with her so u hve to reject the opportunities..
it is a typical thing in life that it is full of surprise,
sometimes it's too much until u feel breathless..
too much things getting mixed up ur sight becomes blurry..

a story 
i got this scenario as a typical teenager when people start admiring certain type of person because they have an outstanding personality, bold than the other people.
they admire a person like that person is perfect,
nobody touches *pearson (example) and everybody will stand for what *pearson believe in
then they make comparisons and stuffs
and at that moment,
i start to get immerse in their thoughts that everybody should become like *pearson..

*pearson is a rule-breaker, #cool *to them
*pearson do whatever *pearson thinks is right

but i don't really like to do that stuff so i stop hearing what people say and think for a moment.

i want to listen to my own voice.

and for a moment i discover the fact that becoming urself is the true freedom in life
u don't have to act like u care if u don't
and the most important is, ur not living a fake life
people tht got along with you are the ones who really loves you for who you are,
they are the one whom,
have seen the true you, good and bad sides, and they choose to stay with you.
they are the one whom,
survived their life with you yet they regret nothing about having you on their side,

so,
whatever happens, stay with ones who are loyal to you..
you don't need to get everybody's approval that you are the one that they like/admire and so on..
you don't even need people to tell you what you should become..
you decide on what you want in life and find reasons why you do certain things..
because, when you got reason for your act, they just can't bother you..
and the world cannot deny what you're doing..
and the most important thing is,
you know why you are still believing in what you are believing right now.. because you have a reason for it

just live ur life right by becoming urself,
u have nothing to regret

that-so-random :P

p/s: some people love to live fake life, they want everybody to become fake because under their paradigm, it's cool. but think man think. why you do this, why you become this. don't be fool by ones thoughts :)

choices

back then, i don't like to make choices..
for anything, coz i don't want to be responsible for whatever that may happen afterwards..
at least, i can blame somebody if something happen and not myself..
true i'm a selfish but i just like to be in my comfort zone not choosing and when something happen, the blame goes half-half,  the person who choose for decides and surely, bad effect goes to me *if it is related

coz i don't like feeling guilty when making mistakes, facing consequences and so on..
but the thing is, whenever i succeed doing something, the feeling is limited, coz yeah still it's not what i really want, it's somebody decision that i've followed..

and after things happen like that for certain times, i realized that people tend to make decision for my life coz they know that i can't make even one on my own..
and suddenly, it exceeds to a point which annoys me coz i'm not living my own life...
i'm not pushing myself to decide, pursue what i want and most importantly, face the consequences that happen afterwards...

I AM A COWARD

but then i wake up and i realize that i'm not living a happy life which is my OWN life..
coz if whatever happens, even an explosion, i won't regret every single thing that happen IF i'm the one who make the decision.. i will be satisfied enough for myself.. at least for at least if somebody want to say anything about what happen and so on, i will say shut up, i've made my decision and you, get off my way..
you're no longer precious in my life HAHAH...
coz the thing is, people would never understand you, even if they put themselves in your shoes..
they just don't, trust me!
you are the one who live your life and know what you're best at and what you're not..
and knowing certain reasons why you decide on something is satisfying enough than doing things without knowing the reason why you did that..
also, when you said, i've decided..............
it means, whatever happens afterwards, you'll step forward and face it!
and even if you stumble down, you will try and try your best to wake up.. you won't blame somebody for dropping you there and leaving you alone :)

and yes, this moment,
i want to make my own decision.. for my life and my future..
yes, i'm too young and i need advice, i don't deny that but i believe doing something whole-heartedly is more worth it..
i still listen to advice and so on, but then i want to decide whatever it is, on my own..

hahah i find that this is a huge improvement that happens in my life now,
it's like i've step forward to take that challenge.. i'm not a coward anymore and believe me, i just think that i've grown up :P

i want to chase my own dreams :)

losing is winning

today is the final stage for our project for TrEES..
i feel honored to join in this program altho i find it's quite frustrating for me since i'm not into this project since the early stage..
i prioritized my debate over mostly everything, i also absent during most of the time because of debate, i will never blame debate for that i just feel like i haven't done my job well.. hope He will forgives me..
i skipped a workshop coz i had MUSLEH tournament that time, and too many things to handle makes me bias to certain things that i think is the biggest priority at that moment..
since we got 10 members for TrEES that time, i believe that it's not something that i need to handle first.. coz  i need to lead certain things therefore i prioritized them because without a leader things would just don't work..
and i was sick during the exhibition.. we're fasting at that time and i feel rlly sorry seing my friends putting their best effort in preparing all those things.. again, God forgives me please...

but after i've settled down everything, means limiting my debate activities coz my mom has put a big stop to it, then only i began to participate more in TrEES..
i still go to debate training like usual but i can't go to tournament for this year, as participant, adj even an observer. that's my mom's rule..
then only i know more and more about what actually our project was and i realize that the students, they are actually enthusiastic about this thing, we just need to make the system works, that's it.

and after going through ups and down, finally we've made it to the final.. and i can't tell how proud i feel with our teachers and my team..and here today, we went to community hall in bangsar to exhibit our project to other schools..

we didn't win tho, but i feel proud of my team since we actually have made this, being through the challenges and obstacle to implement our project for our beloved nature, it's noble... :DDDD

and after that i met one of the judges which is dr.Rosli and he did compliment us for the project and he said that actually he gave  us the second highest marks for our project but there are still 2 judges and marks for our presentation and report..so yeah, eventho we lost, he said he actually impressed with us and he hope that this project will be carried on after this and we promised him, it will... :)

and then as i finished talking to dr.Rosli, i met aunty Petwa and she hugged me :) Krista is also there and they said that we've already done a good job and it's hard to choose the winner because the marks are very close.. i said to them, i'm alright and we all will make sure this project will go on as a tradition in MAHISS.. btw aunty petwa is one of the judge and Krista is one of the TrEES organiser..

back from the ceremony,
i learn something important, everybody is there actually to support us, now we are the one who need to support ourselves and achieve our glory in this short life...

and i interpret losing today as winning.. coz to me, i've won, we've all won coz the real intention of this project is to save the nature and yes we have done it so it's a winning for everyone..

smile winner, smile

p/s: freaking out for exams xD

.random.

when you got nothing to say,
say nothing.

when you got nothing to think,
stop. thinking.

when you got nothing to search,
stop. searching.

when you got nothing to be cried,
stop crying.

when you got nothing to be  laughed,
stop laughing.

when you got nothing to do,
do nothing, just nothing

if you don't live in what you're doing,
stop..... just stop..
coz it's meaningless

Appreciating.

The world is wide..

People come and go..
People say hye and bye..
One day we meet then the other day we were separated...

Things happen like that..
Some leaves are painful but some are not..
The thing is, we often make the same mistakes..
over and over again..
although we've faced the situation before,
but then, as normal humans we just forget about this one-simple-thing which is

APPRECIATING.


we always forget to appreciate those who are still here..
with us..

but we waste our time and tears appreciating those who have gone..
those who we can't even talk eyes to eyes or see or laugh with or cry with..

then we forget about those who are still here..
who can actually lend their shoulders and heal our scars and wounds..
who will actually stand and protect us during hard times..
who will share their lovely smile and laugh with us..
we just forget...

one day, we might regret the fact.
that we,
has neglected the moment that we had with them..

so now, stop craving and crying for those who are not here..
but look behind you, look for those who actually still available there for you to share every moment with..

remember, APPRECIATE, one thing that you need to do before you regret :)

 lets share our laugh together, now :)

happy BURSTday!!!

today is kak raihan's birthday!!

and she's flippin fantastic *words tht i learnt from syakirah xD  coz:

1) she is always positive!!
2) she is a girl with lots of spirit!!*can we count spirit?? it's not tangible but meh who cares xD
3) she is always enthusiastic when it comes to debate!! tell her anything abt debate, she'll be thrilled
4) i tell you, she is a VERY VERY good listener :D
5) Lastly, she is incredibly AWESOME!! if you meet her, you better say hi or else you'll regret the fact that you just let her passed by you the whole life ^o^

and to kak raihan:
thanks for becoming my senior, i will never regret the fact that i know you :)
and you know what? you will never be old, coz you will look forever young, happy birthday :D

p/s: she knows that i love caffeine :P

sabar.

Ya Allah..
kalaulah aq diberi peluang untuk meminta satu perkara untuk dibawa sebagai bekalan hidup...
aq akan meminta supaya dikurniakan kesabaran..
kerana padaku,
kesabaran tu sangat2x indah..

dengan  kesabaran, batu yang keras dapat dilekukkan..
dengan  kesabaran, pisau yang tumpul dapat ditajamkan..
dengan  kesabaran, nyawa seseorang juga dapat diselamatkan..

dan itulah yang aq mahu..
sabar..
seandainya aq cukup sabar,
aq dpt melenturkan hatiku dan hati mereka yang ingin aq dekati..
dalam erti kata lain, mereka yang aq sayangi..
seandainya aq cukup sabar,
aq akan dpt lebih memahami dan mendekati..
seandainya aq cukup sabar,
aq dapat mencapai apa yg aq inginkan..
iaitu, ketenangan dalam hidup..

aq sggup tukarkan smua yg aq ada demi satu nilai..
iaitu kesabaran..
aq harap aq blh bersabar dan bersabar lebih lagi... :)

life. it's pretty

hey life.
i just find you pretty today so i want to compliment you for being fashionable and creative yeah..
lots of love, me :)

note: i don't find writing a long post is amusing. so i just blog whatever i want at that moment even though it's short. coz blog, is my masterpiece :)

everything in this world is a lesson. you just need to dig it out to discover :)

level.

some people think that they've stand high..
very high from the rest..
but they are wrong.
ones would never be on the top of other people..
coz life, it's like a ball, it never stays but rotate.
and one day, top would be bottom and bottom would be top..

so, never look down to people :)